Went through and looked at all my blog posts from the past couple years and read them all, it's crazy how much of my life it covers really considering this bit is the most important bit of my life so far.

Had another dream with ex girlfriend who you can read about from my first post in 2014, crazy how long someone can stick in your mind. In my dream I kind of just gave her the evil eyes, but then kind of missed her, it's an annoying and shameful feeling when I wake up.

Relationship is going generally well. The problem is that I don't want to settle down, mainly because I want to do drugs but she disagrees with that. Honestly, the relationship would be perfect but /her/ jealousy is the problem now, it's like the role from 2014-2015 has been switched. I'm going to university hopefully in September where temptations will be high. If I'm honest though I've already lied to my girlfriend because I've done drugs a couple times despite telling her I haven't, I feel guilty but then again her policy is stupid with no logic or room for compromise behind it. I love my girlfriend, but she's also irrational and immature. If I had the strength, I would have broken up with her by now because she goes against everything I've said before, but when you love someone you can't just leave them. I can't imagine her crying because of me breaking up with her as it would crush her. I love you, and I know I need you, but I can't bring myself to want you mentally.

My final exam is tomorrow at 9am and here i am at 3:30am writing a blog post. I think everything has gone okay so far though. If I don't get into university I'll be pretty crushed but still, I have other options. I do wanna go live student life though.

In terms of jealousy I feel like I've improved over the years by far, I still can get jealous if my girlfriend blatantly breaks my own rules of jealousy but it doesn't come by in natural thoughts as often because I feel more secure with myself.