So it's pretty much the anniversary since my ex broke up with me, the one I posted so much about back a year ago. I feel like just putting my thoughts on her here. I feel weird about her, I find myself hating her for who she's become but at the same time I still like her in some ways. I know deep down she's the girl I fell in love with. I can't say I love her now after what has happened. I know this because thinking of her and her new boyfriend, I feel nothing, no jealousy, or anger. Makes me feel better in some ways knowing that if this relationship fails, I'll get over it, but maybe I won't, maybe being hurt twice would just exacerbate my pain.
I think going to university within the near future is going to be weird for me. I was worried a year ago if my ex and I would stay together when she went to university, well we broke up before that but she's going now. Now the tables have turned on me, what will I do when I go to university? I'm in love with this girl, but would I be able to handle being away from her constantly? It'd be easier for me, I mean, I'm not a cheat, unless she were to do something serious that would persuade me to where I'd probably end up breaking up with her anyway. And the year after that, when she goes to university, I'd end up being hypocritical and breaking up with her most likely. I just hate the thought of being out of school in a relationship. Where everything is so much more open and a girl could be cheating on me without my knowledge at all. I don't know if I can trust anyone not to cheat, people will in the right circumstances I'm convinced. As someone who hates cheating, I imagine even I'm not immune.
It's a horrible though, that some celebrity or rich person could just take your girl, but maybe that's what would happen with me too, I'd like to say I wouldn't, but maybe that's just life, you have to live with what you have and not think about how someone better could take your place, when it could happen to them too. There's always a richer guy, a better guy. The guy better than you, there's someone better than him. So why should I care? Maybe I'm the better guy than the guy before... there's someone better than me too either way.
School is starting and to be honest I'm mainly writing this to put off some time as I don't want to do my homework for my A2 subjects. I'm taking Geography, History and Biology. What the f*ck am I going to do with my life, I wish I had motivation, in which case I could take harder subjects and achieve rather than coast on easier subjects. I did one day of revision for the first year of A levels and got AAB, that's pretty good, but if I had enthusiasm I could have got AAA in harder subjects, although the ones I do aren't easy.
Back to relationships, what do I do when I have to go get a job. It's not like my parents where they come back to each other every day is it, I won't own a house. Seems like my life is going to be full of stress. I wonder if I'll be this way when I'm really old, like 90.

Sorry for rambling, probably my biggest blog post