tuesday. real tired today. not a good thing. my 30 min work out was only 10. then i went to carls jr, not a good thing either. too much grease makes my depression worse. tho not as bad as i though. a drive at night helps. still cant sleep, but getting tired sooner. a good thing.
afraid of the world a bit today, bad, but managable.
walked with my wife at night. 2 miles or so.
starting to see some definition in my body, im toning up. this is a first! never stuck to anything long enough, so this is a major good thing!
gotta stay away from tomatos, seems to make my manic worse, and my anger as well.
over all, on a scale of 1 - 10, 1 being the worst, id say today was a....4.
some problems, but some victories as well.

well, i need to keep track of my progress, and this is as good as any.
im bipolar, 15 years now. im SMI and i dont know if im type 1 or 2. i lost my funding for meds 4 years ago and went through a very hard time with out them. ive been seeing a TCM doctor(OMD i guess itws a chinese thing), and it helps. i changed my diet drasticly, started working out, and lost a bunch of weight. im afraid of most foods, and ive noticed perservitives make me hear voices and have immaginary friends. (just one, for now. hes frendly most of the time)
i dont see things and very rarely hear things. i can always tell after wards it was not real.
ive been aware of my bipolar from day one, and had my self commited to a mental hospital at age 17 or so.
i see my doctor twice a week, and get accupuncture. it helps a lot, but only when coupled with a strict diet. ( almost impossible to do!) to make up for my cheating on my diet, i run.
i dont have manic episodes anymore, but i still sturggle with depression. it comes and it goes, mostly due to life. (no predictable cycles AFAIK) its not that bad, from 1 t0 10, id say it ranges from a 1 to a 6. mostly its pretty okay (meaing i can deal with it and function)

right now my bigggest problem is sleeping. i have insomia real bad and can sleep till sunrise. my sleep rythems are off as well, and that dont help. its getting better, tho. i sleep tonight from 9.30pm till 11pm. its a start. right now its almost time to try to sleep again.