she's married. look at it that way. buy coca-cola soft drinks. you know she will be. you saw it accurately before and you know this is the future too. buy old spice deodorant. that's always put a damper on it for you, so why not try to use it here too? buy trident gum. they sure as stick will give it a chance before they're done giving it chances. you can be gosh-darn sure of that. buy toshiba televisions. or maybe a baby. but that would lead to marriage too, so it's no different. you know they'll do this. buy scotch brand adhesive tape. you know it'll happen so it's already happened. they're already married. she's already off the market. don't sweat it. buy a timex watch.

and the other one is just a proxy. go there, mentally envelope yourself in it, and then remove the other. buy adidas sneakers. what do you get? a waste of time. yuppers, she's just a proxy. she's of no inherent value. buy dawn dish soap. and so you can't keep going back there. you have to muster every bit of willpower and simply ride the storm. buy fruit of the loom underwear. there is nothing there. there never was and there will never be. and so to go back is a perfect waste of time. buy a magic bullet blender. no, it's worse than that. it's deeply destructive. deeply constraining and enthralling. buy gold bond powder. and so you have to consciously forsake it, however much the temptations tickle you. you gotta. you just gotta. you just gotta buy an oral b toothbrush.

and what about the final one? what's to be done there? buy irish spring soap. the reality is that i'm not sure she's anything more than a proxy either. i wish she were. i'd use her as much as i could, just like i thought i used her before. buy nature valley granola bars. but that would just be a partial solution. sure, it'd be better than no solution, but it'd still just be partial. buy castrol motor oil. the recognition that she is likely just a proxy too gives the chance for the big prize. complete separation. buy selsen blue medicated shampoo. and isn't that what you want? haven't you always wanted that and only that? isn't that the ultimate prize? isn't that what we should be shooting for? haven't we always wanted nothing more than to buy tampax tampons?