i posted this on another forum but didnt get very good responses.. what do you guys think

ive recently come across borderline personality disorder. after doing research for a couple of hours, i think this might be my case. i fit the symptoms such as depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts about whats wrong with me, social anxiety, up and down with relationships, and indecisive. I tend to just go with the flow of what everyone else is doing because i dont really have an opinion. i suffer from pretty low self esteem sometimes, unless im around some of my good friends. im terrible at meeting new people, i dont know how to act around them and i get extremely nervous and freeze up. i always feel like other people are judging me too.. however, i do not really have random outbursts of rage for no reason. i remember getting mad as hell when i had a job at subway and customers would come in and annoy me. Like everything they did pissed me off some days, while other days i was fine. i have mood swings alot. i also used to have symptoms of HOCD. Ive posted a couple times on here already about this question but i always feel like i leave stuff out..

more about me is that i always seem to mimic other peoples personalities, like i dont have my own, at least in social situations. When im by myself im usually fine. Im also disorganized and lose things like my keys and wallet all of the time. I have a hard time focusing on things, and sometimes i take adderall and that makes me feel semi-normal for a while.

ive watched videos on youtube about poeple with borderline personality, and cant really tell if i have it or not. i may share some of the symptoms, but im not sure if they are all the way severe enough to be the disorder. Maybe i just have really bad anxiety?

and another thing im 21, i used to get in a lot of trouble throughout highschool with alcohol and stuff. my father died when i was 12, so maybe im just trying to find myself since i didnt really have a role model? or are these symptoms severe enough to be a disorder?


also the more i have read about the bpd, the more i seem to think i fit the symptoms. for instance the "all or nothing" thinking. At first i didnt think i did this, but the more i think about it, the more i do.. for example, aside from my good friends, sometimes ill like someone, and sometimes ill think theyre annoying as hell. im not sure if this is a disorder or just me being on edge that day, or just feelings of jealousy or something..