Hi everyone.

Im new to the blogging world (im behind I know) but there wasn't much to blog about in my life...lol. Well nothing I would like to share. So, today, I would like to share my anxiety and depression history and what I have done to help decrease the incidents of both.

My first experience with depression was when I was 18 years old. I never was accepted by my peers at school but I never really cared about them either. My friends I did hang out with had left school but I had nothing to fall back on so I stayed and suffered the last year by myself. As the year progressed I got more alone and sat by myself and I could feel a dark cloud come over me. I went to the school councillor and I started anti-depressants. I never really got the depression thing. I never told my parents this. I don't know why. they were always supportive and loved me. I think I was embarrassed. As soon I could see the end of school I started to feel better so I tapered myself off my anti depressants and had stayed off for three years until I was about 21 years old.

my two year old niece passed away in a road accident. this baby I looked after while her parents were working (I was at nursing school). well, it didn't hit me until 6 months after and I was back on anti depressants again. I stayed on them a little longer (about a year) then I felt that I can taper back again and had been off them until now (im 31). In between I felt very mild anxiety but I could control it without medications.

Recently, a relationship breakdown my husband happened about 4 months ago and never did I ever feel like I was going to break. I never really got anxiety until I felt it all. I was crying for no reason for long periods and sobbing continuously. I would feel nauseated and vomit at times, feel out of control and it affected my work. At times, I couldn't even go to work or I would go but spend most of my time in the staff toilets because I was so anxious. I had no idea what was going on. So when I went to the GP and told her I had major depression and severe anxiety. She started me on the medication and I feel so much better.

I dont stay up all night then all day. I dont feel like I need to do something active all the time and walk 20km at a time. I dont feel like NOT eating either. I lost 10kg quickly over a week from not eating and walking. I feel calmer and more in control. I had sweats all the time even when it was cold and at times I couldn't feel the world and everything was daydream like. That's gone.

Now, im still with my husband of 3 years and we are working through what happened. I thought that he was getting angry at me for feeling this way but he told me that he was feeling frustrated that he couldn't help me. instead of a daily dose of anxiety I only feel it once a week now. Working helps heaps and having a loving husband really helps. I keep active now but appropriately and listen to music. We do a lot of things together like when we were first going out and we love it. We just have to remember what its like when we have a really good day. We are both looking forward to having 2 weeks off together just us (as his mother lives with us...grrrr...lol).

im hoping that one day I will end up tapering off my Lexapro. I did learn that I cant take anti histamines because they interact with Lexapro. it took a while...lol. but they make my anxiety really bad.

im sorry this is long but I hope this helps someone and gives them hope that this is not the end....its a new beginning.