If I only knew that I was a survivor of child abuse. Coming to terms with knowing in was emotionally abused and didnt deserve to be raised in a family that lacked to show love and emotion to there kids. I feel like I was living a lie that I always sugar coated how I was raised and the way I turned out.

I covered up how things were so much I believed that the problems and the experiences didnt happened and I was just making it up. I thought I was dreaming the whole thing up.Then certan events would bring the experiences back to me like being hit in the face I didnt know how to cope with all of this flashbacks from my childhood. I would shut down and be stuck on pause for some time trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I just started to put the pieces together and it was too much to handle.

I was lying to myself and it sneaked up and exposed its ugly face when I didnt even know it was going to happen. No one would have thought based on how I acted and how I looked that I had gone thru hell and back. Seen things that no one should see and feel ever as a kid. Its hard enough being a kid, but to have the live under the conditions and experiences that scarred me for life. No one deserves that.

Talking about the truth has made things better to come to terms with what happened. I dont know if it made me stronger to fight back the tears and pain I never gave into. I was always told never to expose your feelings Its a sign of weakness. I was just a kid that needed a hug and to be told everthing is going to be ok and know that they were right.