I'm new to DID. In the beginning I tried to find any excuse in the book to deny that it was happening to me. That it had been happening to me for years. My T would tell me things like,"go inside and ask," or "talk to them they can hear you." When i'd get headaches she told me, "go inside and ask them to stop hurting you." This last one worked but I still didn't take it seriously. I would go inside and talk, not knowing what to say and it felt like I was talking to an empty room so I stopped. "Ridiculous," I told myself.

I was still losing time and would not remember whole therapy sessions. Then things started looking different to me. For example, I thought her Doctorate diploma was really small and in a horrible frame. I remember thinking it should at least be as big as her Master's and in a much better frame. I came in one day and said, "oh you put your Doctorate diploma in a nicer frame that matches the others. Looks really nice and it looks bigger too." She looked at me a little strange and told me,"it's always been that way." This was after I had been seeing her for several months and every time I went in her office I always looked at all her diplomas. But I wasn't seeing them the way they really were. This happened to a number of different things inside and outside her office but the misunderstood visions were always surrounded her office.

I also imagined, twice, that she said and did things that hurt my feelings and made me mad. So I decided fine i'm not going to talk about that again! When I had the guts to finally confront her about the first one she looked genuinely hurt and asked me, "does that sound like something I would do?" I said, "no, no it doesn't but thats my memory of it." She said she would never do something like that, it's not her style. I only just this week talked to her about the other one. I had already figured out my memory of what happened wasn't real and felt bad for having to tell her what I had thought. She asked me, "who in there is in denial besides you?" And I just don't know.

I started accepting and believing that this DID was real when I got a wake up call. I was driving and I blacked out for about 30 minutes or so. When I came back I was parked in the parking lot of a brightly lit convenience store crying my eyes out. I called my T in hysterics and told her what happened. Still don't understand how she understood me. The next thing I hear was, "listen everyone!" Then I blacked out again. When I came back I was completely calm as if nothing had happened. So yeah, that made me a believer, I accepted it.

I remember in the beginning when therapy first started with her I asked her, "how did I survive all that as a kid and not turn out to be a monster and still be able to love?" She told me I had parts step in and take over to protect me so I would survive. It's a coping mechanism. The parts hold the memories and the pain. I wanted to know my parts after the driving incident.

So I went back to talking and talking and nothing would happen. Then one day Mother appeared. She was loving, accepting and wise. She became my confidant. She was comforting. Then I became aware of others but I could only sense them. I could only see vague images so I called them by their emotions or by what they did. For example, the protector, the little one, sexy, etc. etc.

I was still frustrated because I couldn't talk to anyone. No one talked back to me. I'd see other people in the DID forum who had names, and ages, and jobs, and some even had their own color. I would wonder how they did all that and why don't I have that. Be careful what you wish for.

One day it finally occurred to me to ask one of them their names. So I went to sexy and asked her her name. She said Alex and I immediately realized she was only a kid! I was mortified because I had been keeping sexy on a very short leash thinking she was a...

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Ok guys here you go. Each of you will take a turn and have a chance to say who you are, state your name if you like and tell a little about yourself and what you do. It's Labor Day Weekend and I am devoting the rest of the holiday to all of you. Also, if you don't want to do it, you don't have to. It's your chance to come out and speak. Kenzie, I will help you. Don't forget to use TW if you're going to say something that might hurt or upset someone else. You should also know a lot of people might see this and read about you. If you choose to write you are giving them permission to read about what you write about yourself. I wont change anything unless I see something that needs a TW. It's all yours.

I'm Chaz. You don't need to know how old I am, yet. Right now she's trying to make my name Charlie and I hate that name. I want to be called Chaz. Until she accepts that and starts calling me Chaz, I refuse to talk to her. That's all I want to say for now.

*host typing for Kenzie* Hi! My name is Kenzie. I am 5 years old. I am very little. I love to hug. Mother gives good hugs. Mother feels good. I like to play with Alex and Jo Jo. They make me laugh. Sometimes they tickle me. I love my my my *host*. She helped me get to feel better. She showed me a nice lady. The lady said I was right. She said that i'm a good girl. She said that everyone was wrong. That made me feel good. I wish I could hug you. Bye!

I'm Alex. I know thats a boys name but ima girl and I like it. I love school cuz im not at home. Im in 5th grade and I love my teacher, shes cool. I love to play dodge ball, kick ball, foot ball, and soft ball. Im the best girl player in the whole school. I wish I could be a boy sometime. They get all the cool stuff. Adults call me a tomboy. I wish I could tell them back that my name is not tom and im notta boy so naaah. But I would get in trubel for that. ***TW*** I did all the sex with ruben next door. He sed if I dint he would kill my fambly and showed me how. So I did it. He made me do it a lot and he hurt me a lot. I keep all the sex and do all the sex like he sed. She hates me cuz im bad cuz of the sex. I am bad. Very bad. I just wish she loved me. I wanna be good. I hope that lady will talk to me. I wanna feel good like kenzie too***end TW*** she never let me do nothin. She told me she thot I was big like a grown up. She said she loves me but thats a ly. Adults always ly. ***TW*** she sed adults dont have sex with kids but thats a ly cuz I know so. She sed I dint hafta do it no more but thats a ly. Ill get hurt if I dont or ill be left all alone.***end TW***I like to play with jo jo an kenzie. There fun. Im tired of listning to Adele. Well thats all about me. Sorry if I made you mad.

Hey everyone! I'm Jo. I'm 12 1/2. Alex is my best friend and we both love Kenzie, she's so cute and sweet. We like to play monopoly and sorry but mother has to help Kenzie. We'll also play slap jack and go fish so it's easier for her to play. I love Adele like our host but we're worn out by the same songs. I can't wait until she releases her new album. I think Justin Timberlake is hot and I also love One Direction, Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. I hate it when our host plays country music. I was an out cast until earlier last week. No one would talk to me so I decided to be mean. I picked on her SO alot. But she was always nice to me anyway. That confused me, so I left her alone. Then one day our host asked Alex what her name was and we all got excited. I came to her next and told her my name and that I was ugly and no one liked me. She fixed my hair really nice and told me I was beatiful and she loved me! That was so cool. She even bought me a chocolate milkshake even tho its bad for her. I was responsible for dealing with our mom. She was very sick and very mean. Then she would be nice. She imagined people were after her and I would try to show her no one was there. I was there when she was mean and protected everyone from her abuse. ***TW***I...

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I was a teacher at what most would call an "inner city" school. My city isn't big enough to have that label but it was that kind of school. I was what I thought a "progressive teacher." I didn't believe in worksheets and I didn't believe in making them sit in their desks for 90 minutes. I guess because I was new other teachers would visit me before school started and asked to see my student class list. Then they felt obliged to warn me about this one and that one. Which I thought was asinine. I digress.

95% were in the low socioeconomic population. Tough kids, with tough lives, and hard attitudes. Lot's of gang activity, drugs, and fighting. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared everytime I walked through the door. My stomach would tighten up and I would take a deep, deep breath and it would go away and I would march on.

During my first semester teaching, I had a girl in one of my classes that I thought was adorable. She never acted out, always participated, was a great kid. When I would talk to her she always told me she was crazy. "For real Ms. C." I told her that she didn't seem crazy to me. Then the girl sitting next her said, "oh she's crazy, even her mamma calls her crazy." I asked the girl what made her an expert on the situation and she said,"I know because she's my cousin and she's f**********g crazy!"

Of course I gave the pep talk about negative thinking and listening to what other people say because some people can nust be mean, etc, etc.

I had this class for 3 weeks, just long enough to get to know my kids and become attached. Then one day, without any notice or explanation, I got 3 new classes and the kids were the ones who explained to me what was going on. (Getting a feel for how screwed up this school is and was?) All 3 classes were the same subject, U.S. History. Ok cool. Unprepared and flew by the seat of my pants for a day or two then got my feet under me.

During my planning period I would walk around the school, to get familiar with it and to spy on other teachers. I know weird right? But I wanted to hear how they ran their classes and how they talked to the students. I was shocked and apalled by most, impressed by a few.

One day I was trying to find the quickest route upstairs and to various places I might need to go during planning time. I went a different direction each time. I was headed toward the elevator to go downstairs when I got this funny feeling. My stomach churned and I felt anxious. My mind seemed to scream at me to go through those doors! I had never been through them before as it was just a walk way, a breezeway to the gym which I didn't care about.

I felt really scared and terribly urged to go through those doors, so I started that way. As I got closer everything felt moore urgent so I started sort of trotting, as fast as a fat woman could.

I opened the door and saw my "crazy" kid standing on the wall with her head tilted back, arms wide open and eyes clsosed. She was going to jump and kill herself. I always wore sneakers so she didn't hear me coming, but I ran and grabbed her just as she started leaning forward.

She started screaming, crying, hitting at my head, scratching my arms, kicking me, and trying to pull my hair. I always wore it in a poney tail so she didn't get much but did do some damage. I just held her around the waist as tight as I could. I was stumbling backward with her until my back slammed into a brick wall and I slid down with her. The brick scraped my back up pretty bad. Found blood on my shirt when I got home. Mind you the girl was 85 pounds soaking wet.

I wrapped my arms around hers so she couldn't move them. The I put my legs on top of hers so she couldn't move them. My mouth was right by her ear so I just started softly talking to her as calmly as I could, trying to calm her. I don't remember clearly what all I said except that I loved her and it would hurt your family and me if you...

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