I had another night of crying about mom. I just want to talk and get hugs. i miss her laugh, smell, insights, cheerfulness, encouragement and dedication to everything she does. Love you mom!

Last night was really tough. I was sad because I missed my mom. I curled up with my mom's quilt and a stuffed animal. It did help some. I also was thinking about how much I hate work and never want to go back. But I made the choice not to hurt myself or call anyone or do anything destructive. I went in the den, where my housemate was and watched tv. I was crying, but I don't think she noticed. I made it all by myself. Wow!

I have had two good days now. Of course the week was spent in therapy, but I'm glad to have a break from the crisis. I saw three doctors in the last four days and one I saw twice. So, I guess if I can go to therapy everyday, then I won't have any problems. lol I look forward to the time when this is all over and I can go back to a normal way of living, whithout being worried of a panic attack or flashback. I am learning some good coping skills and I have my cats. We are going to be fine.

Yesterday was a good day. I felt awake and energized. I wasn't anxious. It wEas the first good day I have had in a while. I was so happy to feel normal for once. The end of the day changed. I started feeling like a little girl when thinking about going back to T tomorrow. I was nervous about what he would say or think. Then one thing led to another and I had a flashback. It was bad and I didn't have any xanax to help me cope. So I called the T to help me get out of it. I didn't want to, but I did because I couldn't stay like that all night. He calmed me down and I was finally able to get some sleep.

I am so happy I slept!! Eight hours!!
It is great to finally get some sleep. It has improved my mood greatly. Yea.