Everything was going pretty ok at the beginning of this semester but now.. it's like that time never even existed. I'm back to being paranoid about how I come across to others, whether they like me or not, if their making fun of me, if they look down on me, I'm not eating, I'm alone. being in college forces you to think about how or why you come across this or that way and I don't like it. I hate it. It's all I can think about when im on campus. I'm getting more and more uncomfortable with myself. I feel like a freak and like I have a sign on my back that says look at me judge me.

I spend so much time inside my head that I am unable to see what is right in front of me.

Why do I relate more to creepy, mildly disturbing cartoons than the average person? Why do I see myself in them?

I never have anything to say. I wonder if these blog entries (if you can call them that) are just a way for me to get attention. Why am I always so cryptic? I always leave something out. I want attention from mom. I am not her favorite child. I used to think I was. I'm not. I wonder if I am interested in sewing solely to receive praise from her. It seems like the most likely option with each day that passes.
blank blank blank blank Fiona Apple plays in the background. I don't pay attention to lyrics. I stay for the beat. blank blank I hate the idea that i'm not sincerely interested in sewing and that I'm only in it for the praise. Sickens me a little. Blank blank blank song ended.

I don't want this.