I finally thought to update my system info here, as my signature is containing names I didn't know about yet when I made the last blog entry. Those names of possible alters come from my diary from about 9 years ago, and I can't be sure whether they were real alters or more like imaginative friends. It's all I have for now though with still no communication going in our system.
I will take what I wrote in my last blog entry edit in the new information, including the few voices that I've heard in my life.


Casey - host (19)

First off, there's me, the host. I'm 20 and moved to the US last summer. I'd say I'm very genuine and honest, I don't wear make-up, I'm a perfectionist which is a pain in the butt and I suffer from Social Anxiety.


"Make-up girl" / Rela / "L" -(?)

My SO and I have figured out that I've been passively influenced a lot by an alter who doesn't seem to like him. She seems to be very irritable and can't participate in a calm discussion. To her, everything my SO says or does is wrong. She doesn't like him, and thinks that nobody cares about her. She used to show that same hate in conflicts with my mother, scaring me with impulses of physical violence. She hates the body, the way it looks, is very superficial, and used to harm the body when angry. I am currently trying to control her anger and understand the reasons for her behavior, or, in other words, I'm trying to figure out her purpose.
Rela was apparently my evil twin sister. That is all I know about her.
"L" I was told about in a dream. Someone was saying that a girl whose name started with "L" (can't remember the rest of the name) was who I called "Make-up girl".
I suspect that they are all the same alter, but can't be sure. They seem to have similar characteristics, from what I know.


"Biter" - little (?)

I know I have at least one little inside me, and I've been trying to communicate with them and make them feel safer by giving them toys and trying to comfort them. The "biter" has been giving me the urge to bite my SO whenever she is close. This makes me think that she might be a toddler, especially as biting is a phase many toddlers go through, and a phase that I went through as a toddler. I am currently trying to deal with the biting and find out the motives behind it. She might be preverbal so it might be her only way of communication.


Little boy (?)

I heard his voice in my head once saying "I want to go home". He seemed scared, shy and sad.


Adult, m (?)

Probably in his 20s or 30s. I heard his voice loud and clear once saying "Do it". I don't know anything else about him.


Teenager, m (?)

Said my (the body's) name. I saw him in a dream. I don't know anything about his personality.


Nicola, f (?)

Probably about 18 years old. I am very unsure whether she would be an alter or whether I just made her up as an imaginary friend. She was supposed to be my big sister (I would've had a big sister named Nicola who turned out to be a stillbirth, but I often wished for a bigger sister). She helped me and gave me advice, but disappeared a few weeks later telling me that even though we can't be together anymore she will always be a part of me.


Yesac, f (?)

My "opposite" (see name being Casey spelled backwards), she had positive character traits that I wished I had, like popularity and being neat, but also had enough in common with me for us to be friends. My diary entry written by her states that she switched bodies with me and had to get back to K. (??) in the US.


Tom and John, m (?)

My imaginary boyfriends from that age. They could have been alters, but I saw them outside my body and it's very possible I just made them up because I wanted to be in a relationship. They were both pretty much what I then thought to be my "ideal boy".


It feels a little embarrassing to write these things down, but that was just me at age 11/12. It's very possible...

[ Continued ]

I'm pretty new to this forum and I've been suspecting that I might have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) for a while now. I'm trying to get into therapy soon to have this confirmed and hopefully get some help to increase communication in our system. For now it's only me posting, but as I hope that will change in time as my alters get braver, I will try to introduce the ones I'm conscious of best as I can without knowing much about them. I will also update this entry as I find out more about our system.

Casey - host (19)

First off, there's me, the host. I'm 19 and just moved to the US. I'd say I'm very genuine and honest, I don't wear make-up, I'm a perfectionist which is a pain in the ass and I suffer from Social Anxiety.

"Make-up girl" -(?)

My SO and I have figured out that I've been passively influenced a lot by an alter who doesn't seem to like him. She seems to be very irritable and can't participate in a calm discussion. To her, everything my SO says or does is wrong. She doesn't like him, and thinks that nobody cares about her. She used to show that same hate in conflicts with my mother, scaring me with impulses of physical violence. She hates the body, the way it looks, is very superficial, and used to harm the body when angry. I am currently trying to control her anger and understand the reasons for her behavior, or, in other words, I'm trying to figure out her purpose.

"Biter" - little (?)

I know I have at least one little inside me, and I've been trying to communicate with them and make them feel safer by giving them toys and trying to comfort them. The "biter" has been giving me the urge to bite my SO whenever she is close. This makes me think that she might be a toddler, especially as biting is a phase many toddlers go through, and a phase that I went through as a toddler. I am currently trying to deal with the biting and find out the motives behind it. She might be preverbal so it might be her only way of communication.




That's it so far, I'll update whenever I figure out something new.