I have been starting to experience mood changes I had before starting lithium. Getting worse day by day. No triggers no anything, anxiety will just blow out of anywhere and depression at any time. Just wondering if its going to lead me to cycle down to my big lows again. No signs of hypomanic at all just mixed and low. Its frustrating and have been trying my best to overcome them but I can't. its like my body just gave up on trying.

Sometimes I wonder why I am on drugs and so many of them. Even when some are in the same class as others. I hate them, loath them and wish I could come off them. To me they are making things worse rather then better. Before meds I could handle my own depression but not my manic stages. No they control myself from being manic and also from being happy. All I feel is flatline mix and depression. It sucks and is wearing me out specially with all the med changes and whatnot. then the added stress of everything else thats going on.
I feel as if I am slipping away from myself with all the medication. It changed me from who I was, a happy, motivated, ambitious guy to someone that lacks all that. basically altered my mind into something that is not me. doesn't make me feel very good. Off to the psychologist!

Well been on it for over a week and have no complaints except stomach pain when taking it. Week hasn't been bad for me "yet" no episodes of any kinds except still the hallucinations of people outside. Which will be mentioned at my next appointment. Alcohol consumption is still here but not too bad. Shaking and tremors are going away everyday. still stressed and unsure about going back to work. Not sure if I can do my duties right without having some sort of trigger.
Just don't know

Very stressed this week. Last week I had a phone call from my family doc about my cholesterol, platelets and thyroid acting up again. I go tomorrow to see why. I also have a split appointment with my pdoc and psychologist to decide the best route for me as I cannot do anything from the shakes I am experiencing from lithium,I want off thats end of story, stressed as my boss thinks I am using them for the benefits and it looks bad on their business, that and ridiculing me on my illness and how I should have told them before I was hired.
So super stressed and as I know it stress is a major trigger. we will see.

I relapsed on alcohol tonight. Drank way too many over my limit and kind of hating myself for it. I worked so hard on quitting that its creating a trigger all in its own on me. Well we will see what tomorrow brings as the alcohol turns into a depressant whether or not it will be a trigger.