New Year, new me right?

Well I say to hell with that. What's wrong with the "old" or should I say "current" me??


Currently I hear fireworks being set off outside. Its 12:30 exactly.
I am the most cynical person I know. I don't know if that's something to "brag" about but there you have it folks.

We heard fireworks outside earlier. Dad thought they were gunshots, lol. Can you believe that? GUNSHOTS? In the small, boring, eventless town we live in? Yeah right. I wish something that exciting would happen in this godforsaken, boring ass town we call "home" lol.

This time last year wasn't much different. I worked right into last year (2016). Although, I did receive my first "new years kiss." Lol, ironically with someone I no longer talk to.

On that note, I am leaving so many people in 2016. I know. I know how "cliche" that sounds. Everyone talks about who they're leaving in whatever year. But me? I truly mean I am leaving certain people in that god awful year. It was nice knowing you. You know who you are.

If it's one thing that I've learned in 2016, it's that if a person says they will "stick around" or "remain in touch," they're probably lying. No one stays forever. In the end, all you have is yourself. In the end, what really matters...? Well what matters is jack $#%^. Nothing matters. This is all pointless. Everything is pointless. It all means nothing.


Happy New Year everyone. Be safe. (or don't. i don't really care at all.)

all the best,
me.

ps,
nothing lasts forever.

I've never participated in anything like this before, but it's cheaper than a psychiatrist and healthier than the other "outlets" I had in mind. I don't know where this post is going but I'm just going to let my mind leak onto this blog or whatever the heck this this is and see where it takes me.

Lately things haven't been so hot. I experience major highs where everything is "fine" and I'm truly content with everything and major, and I mean MAJOR lows where I feel the absolute opposite. I know what you're thinking, bipolar disorder. I haven't been diagnosed so I don't know for sure. But that's not the only thing that's "wrong."

I've been having problems with daily/everyday tasks due to my inability to focus, my lack of ability to sleep normally, mood fluctuations, weight gain, lack of motivation, constant nervousness, and always second guessing myself.

I'm completely fine when I'm around my friends, but the second I'm left alone, man... All hell breaks lose in my mind. It's like all the thoughts that I was too distracted to distracted to think about when I was with my friends come out all at once and it overwhelms me and causes me to be more anxious.

My symptoms include:
-lack of focus
-major insomnia
-mood fluctuations
-loss of motivation
-constant second guessing of self
-constant anxiety, stress, nervousness
-shaky hands
-frequent headaches
-hot flashes
-easily startled
-forgetful
-nausea
-irritability
-early morning wakefulness (waking up at like 3 or 4 and not being able to go back to sleep)
-loss of interest in things that once caught my attention.

I don't know what my diagnosis is. If anyone wants to give it a shot as to what's going on with me, I'm open to anyone's input. I know, I should really see someone but I'm using that as an absolute last resort...

I don't know if anyone will see this, let alone spent the time to actually read this crap but if there's someone out there reading this, I would appreciate any input you have.

All the best,
Me.