...man reading and replying to all the other peoples post, takes a toll, it always reminds me about my own past and stirs up old memories, and I start to feel real sad, think I have to take a break from that, play a game do some intensive sports, like running for a couple hours, or just meditate to blow away that dark cloud...sorry

I am new to forum posting I wanted to attach that to a blog that I did read, and now its my own blog, frankly makes not much sense...! Sorry, my bad I try to find the post/blog I wanted to attach this to and iron out my mistakes.

I have gone through similar csa also with animals and many other things, I came to different conclusions then you do, but hey, we are all completely different individuals, who had to experience similar bad stuff. (I too belief/know there is no God, or at least not how its taught to us by christian schools or other religions)
Anyways, I am a very inwards person alot of times, sometimes it changes, precious brief momentsi, thus I read many many books one book that was striking and I dearly remember is 'The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying', very interesting literature and easy to read cause it is many small stories!