Today is rather relaxed day. Compared to yesterday I feel much more at ease and comfortable.
Coming to this forum so far helps, people have been helpful.

I did not look into the mirror today at all, that also helps, yet in a bit I have to go outside again and then it often gets tricky, I haven't slept well and that also makes me more anxious about my eyes, as I think they look odd then.

I want to be better, I want to improve and I want to get rid of self destructive thoughts.
I will not give up and I will fight back.