* nothingness* non-verbal, age 0 to 1
partly host
nothingness got created from severe neglection from right after birth.
notingness avoided being fed and age 1 was severely underfed.
nothingness is a host in my system, as I become non-verbal quite often (brain gets like stirring in a pot of white paint) and I am not able to care for myself to eat.
I am severely underweight and food is abstract to me (just an object with more value than a stone or roll of toilet-paper.
nothingness is partly host every day, a she (a female baby as opposed having an older brother).

*the music* 2/3 years old, non-human part, music playing in my head.
partly host.
shuts out the whole world, controlls anxiety, but is also disturbing in concentration.

*Sternentaler* (I am German) is a whithdrawn but imaginative girl age 4. Lives in her own world, but feels pride when being praised being in her costume. Being in her costume she feels no need to talk to anyone, just be the costume and image she is in.

*girl with the umbrella* age 4-8, similar to -sternentaler, but does not need praise or being acknowledged. She is withdrawn on herself and does not connect to people. Happy in her state of being withdrawn.

*sisterofbrother* female, age 4 - 6, recognized that there was one attachment-person age 4: the brother. Engaged into playing, but only construction-play (eg. building Lego). Got told by the mother, that brother tortured her being a baby, but sisterofbrother had forgoten it all. Started to love brother-figure unconditionally, but brother left a couple years later.

sisterofbrother takes over whenever meeting brother. has a little box, where she collects the topics she can talk about to brother, as she is always alienating from him, but the box is giving security to "appear normal".

..................to be continued...................

if you read it, feel free to share thoughts.
need any help possible, as i am on disability for not being able to function in life.
was not able to finish any education.
was never able to work.
I am also diagnosed with high-functioning autism, but there is more than that.