This is almost FIVE months clean! in a little less than two weeks I will officially be 17 and clean for this whole year! Go me The relapse thoughts are coming back but I REFUSE. It feels so good to look down and see my scars fading.

I was recently ( I use that word sparingly) "involved" with a guy and it was a very toxic relationship that i got out of in the beginning of the year. We went a bit farther than I like and I always regretted it and after doing so I always felt depressed and suicidal. After I broke things off with him (yay go me) he blatantly killed all trust I had in him and told a couple people that incredibly private information. When I confronted him about it he straight up lied to my face and said he never said anything. I don't believe him because he has a history of lying to me to stop me from getting mad at him, and I was told multiple times by the person he told that he has done so. I have since ignored him and tried to patch up my mental health as well as I can. Since then he has told me that he's tired of acting like we're not in the same room and he's ready for us to start talking again, with other contents in the message that really made it sound like we were going to start talking again, that I had no control over it. This honestly scares me and makes me wonder if I refuse, will he start spreading lies and rumors. And if worst comes to worst, will he blackmail me into doing things I'm uncomfortable with? This has caused me countless hours of extreme anxiety and has almost made me relapse multiple times. I need advice. I struggle a lot with anger and hold grudges a lot longer then I probably should. Should I try to talk to him again and see if perhaps we can be friends and maybe then I can let go of my anger? or would it be best to keep ignoring him? Please someone help, I feel like my time is running out.