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Phase 5 #8; The other side of the walls; Working on things by OMNICELL on Thu Feb 02, 2023 12:24 pm
Respond ability
Response ability
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Ive earned the right through my higher power; On my knees through; meditation prayer, new stories... sharing with others what THe universe GOd Jesus has done for me that day and the day before and before; and I am rewarded... I am rewarded with a new system responsibility; The ability to respond to my own life... That is the system Im interested in learning.
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The only way forward when the gaps began to fill in and the universe fills in the gaps; suddenly I need some kind of system to make things work for me as I get better; and that system that Ive earned curiosity to look into is; Respond ability.. To respond; to response to something. When presented with something; I respond to it. I response to it. Its kind of like standing up for myself and fighting back or fighting for what I want... responding for what I want; for my life... its a learned earned thing. Impossible when I first started recovery process; all I could do in the recovery process; show up.
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Im working with the universe on new stories for my life... and because Ive worked on resentments in my 12 step groups. I am left with no are area to focus on as the problem as; myself and my own dysfunction. However; to get to this place; one simply prays and starts and asks the universe for help... ( The Universe being; Higher-power-God- source-energy-Jesus-Amonachrista-sparticus-latiano-mopheioso-Godmose I-like-it-that-way-ess-Holy spiritus-Jesus Christ Christmas Tree; Give me more present-ess-God; box full a goodies!). ITs a long long journey for me... thats OKe...
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Im now feeling a little safer to experiment by applying my own respond ability to
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1. Music creation
2. Art Creation
NOTE: Still working on relationship PTSD problems; The universe has a hold; slowly bringing me through to the other side of the PTSD wall.
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First love; Attracting a sociopath;
As I continue to do more work on my First Love; in order to get through her wall. Lets say the truth wall; and the PTSD wall... So; working on getting through my First loves Wall; As I continue; Im finding several new facts; And its all good; all work. Its like blindly trekking through a desert with no idea where the end is; but my spirit hooked up to GOd does.. and at some point Ill get closer to the other side of the dessert if I Just keep going.
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More facts appearing about my First Love.
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1. It seems she was a 100% sociopath who was 100% Playing me...( Its not personal). This means what it says. This was a game created by a sociopath. This was a stranger who saw me show up at her door step and decided to play me 100%. This sociopath had no soul or values or conscious or remorse; nothing! Its not personal at this point; Im just stating facts... Its more important to look at why and how I show'd up at this persons house..
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2. Why was I hunting down a sociopath to have a relationship? And that is truly the scary part of this; and the part where Ill get allot of healing if I answer this. It seems to me I was running from my prior life; or dealing with it. I had lost everything and was in constant survival mode. And a giant force to run forward; run away into another land or environment to escape was upon me in a huge massive way.
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Looking back; This behavior of running into the arms of some other family so I could survive; this had been going on from my birth... Why I was picking sociopaths for this assignment? I assume I was attracting families similar to what I had come from; but didnt know it!
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I'm wondering why I didnt walk away from this person... Why I ever tried to add emotion to my encounter with this person. Why did I try to start a family with this person or jump into their family; This is completely insane.
Im wondering if I was not acting out PTSD at the time... I think that may have been a better understanding of it...
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As I relive and rework what happened;...

[ Continued ]

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Goals; update by OMNICELL on Sat Jun 28, 2025 10:14 am
Goals; update;
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The goal is a drum room; Ill keep looking into it…
Drumming everyday until its all I want to do all day long
Soulmate; All I can see; things are maybe looking; The door is opening; ...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 210 times
Relational development; It is beginning to form; by OMNICELL on Mon Jun 23, 2025 2:15 am
Relational development; It is beginning to form;
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Soulmate;
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The beginning of Relational developmental practice…..
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Ill assume Im completely dating someone We are together… I will assume we ...

[ Continued ]

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To finally push a man away because I want to by quietgirl2538 on Fri Jun 20, 2025 10:58 am
Still single. Lol. By choice.

This guy who is hanging around seems like a good person. That's all good and everything. But I have moved on from any romantic feelings for him. I cared for him at one...

[ Continued ]

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played my song live first time ever... by OMNICELL on Tue Jun 17, 2025 9:20 pm
Ive been working toward this while mentally ill for half my life and its taken that long for this one moment to occur.
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Played the piano at the church lunch in for the poor drugged out homeless population… ...

[ Continued ]

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Making new friends for life by OMNICELL on Wed Jun 11, 2025 11:02 pm
I went to a meeting… One this morning; and one early at 11… and it will go to 1PM… So; Im getting a much longer meeting; in this case I asked a women to walk with me and talk. We were already frien...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 1737 times
Feed Recent Comments
Re: played my song live first time ever... by Snaga on Sun Jun 22, 2025 8:43 pm
Well congratulations! I know I would never have been able to do anything like that, that's really great!

Re: Next blog…. In the realm of things...; The Change.. by Snaga on Wed Jan 01, 2025 11:06 pm
Happy New Year, Omnicell! Another year of making progress!

Re: test by Snaga on Sun Oct 13, 2024 1:34 am
The blogs are a little different from the open forum- here, moderator preview is a constant, unlike the open forum. It's the same case with the official journals forum. I see you're a DID forum user,...

[ Continued ]

Re: Made a decision by NewSunRising on Wed Jun 14, 2023 12:14 pm
but not alone ... We are here for you if ever you need us . Hugs & love .

Re: Being gracious by quietgirl2538 on Mon Jun 05, 2023 4:45 am
I agree

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