Please read I definitely need help!!
I am always so confused with my sexuality because since young i had this feeling that when I found a girl attractive interesting or beautiful, i just wanna be close to her and befriends her so much. After growing up i met a friend whom i thought I like. But since my first love is a boy i knew i’m not a lesbian and I really like guys. Im really attracted to them. I love flirting with them and I really really love abs. But because sometimes. Maybe once or twice I fantasized being with a girl. And because of my curiosity I found lesbian porn and loved it. It always turns me on. I also loved girl to boy porn but i don’t know but when i want just a simple turning on video I will always watch lesbian porn. I love watching lesbian porn. Because boy to girl is really so much sometimes I can’t handle it so I wanted lesbian more. It was more slow and passionate. Then I discovered lesbian stories. Girl to girl and i loved it. I loved how they fall in love and it always made my stomach felt butterflies. I always felt turned on during reading them especially with the sex scenes. I also loved lesbian movies. But I had a relationship with two boys and i loved them and my first love is a boy so what? Whats happening?! And whenever I get out I will always look for good looking guys.. but i cant help to catch someone pretty. They made me look at them twice but sometimes I can ignore it. I also wrote lesbian story, I just find them so interesting. But! I had been flirting with this guy at the mall. We always stare at each other and flirt. When I saw him I forgot girls and anyone. I know I love boys. But girls? I dont know. I didn’t picture myself going together with one but I imagined myself kissing and hugging one or two I thought I liked. But i know i love boys. They made my heart beat fast and they made me blush a lot. They made me cry they made me hurt. I dont know but when i researched about me liking stories movies and porn about lesbian its fine, it just means im just turned on by it because girls have different preference and likes when it comes to things like that and sometime were just curious sooo im okay with that. I know i m straight. I know that because sometimes i hate tomboys. It disgust me but sometimes not. Many lesbian have been wanting me but I rejected them all. But why am i sometimes attracted to girls? Or I just thought I am? Or I just wanna befriend someone beautiful? and why did I imagine and fantasize with them in the past once or twice? I don’t know anymore. But now I didnt did it again. I don’t kow I don’t feel doing it again. I’ve been with so many guys lately . I flirted a lot but during those time I always watched and read lesbian stories and porn to satisfy my needs. So I got worried and curious! But sometimes when girls are sexy and flawless I will stare at them. Just sometimes, sometimes I look away because im not interested. But when I stared at them i always though I envy them not drool over them I always want those legs and stomach. But i think its wrong staring at them. Definitely wrong. Sometimes when they’re too beautiful I will drool over them is that mean im attracted to them or I just think theyre so beautiful? Isnt that the same thing? But sometimes I realized i will think i wish I had that kind of looks. It is so confusing! What am I?! I don’t wanna be gay. I knew I was straight. Help!!