Not feeling good... I'm trying to figure why I don't feel good.

I think the drinking from the previous night sort of has me in a weird place. So does this DUI thing. Life felt really dark today. I felt so isolated from everyone I was passing in the hallways. I went into the bathroom and scratched up my thighs with a pen... great. My legs look like I do meth or something. This was the first time in a long time that it felt REALLY good to cut.

Then I had class tonight-- it's a course in Substance Abuse & The Family. And all I could think about was wanting to buy alcohol. So that really upset me, especially at the end of class when the instructor made a little joke about all of us not drinking too much on Thanksgiving. I feel like a piece of garbage for being so pathetic.

Well, now I'm smoking this Great White potpourri "legal weed" $#%^. It's alright. I need to do my homework or turn on music, or something. But its like I can't do anything. I'm kind of frozen. I don't know what to think about.

I'm glad I joined this site.

I need a free place to be super-hyper expressive.

Idk if I'm weird, or normal, or whatever. This is just my life.

I want to do something in the Psychology field. I'm in the process of getting my Bachelor's degree in Psychology. Graduating in May 2012, then a MA or PsyD!!! I love learning about Psychology, consciousness, energy, spirituality, meditation, etc.... I abuse substances too much, though. I'm relatively intelligent, but I think I killed a few brain cells due to alchol use. My Cerebellum is ###$. I've done a decent amount of different kinds of drugs, tho. But mostly alcohol. I also just got a DUI.

I still think I'm intelligent enough to do something great with my life. I'm only 23, but my life's already getting kind of weird. I tell myself its Taurus blood (astrologically, I'm a Taurus), but for some reason my brain is singed with Pisces elements. The end result is a smart girl (WITH NO SELF ESTEEM) who tries to find comfort/bliss/happiness through Substance Abuse and Impulsitvity.. It equals BiPolar 2 Disorder, at least in my existence, but really I can empathize with almost everybody.
I really love everyone, lol
It's kind of stupid that I feel so isolated, given the above fact.

Open to suggestions or any type f response.