I am screaming out for help mentally, financially and probably every other way! I recently decided I would go back to college. I started on Monday and I was so nervous about how I would cope with all the people, I live quite far away so I need to leave my house at 7 to get the train. The train I got was so busy and the whole journey I felt like people were starring at me! I also felt that in college to it's so hard, all the girls on my course are really good looking (there's even a model on it, which makes me feel terrible about myself). But I'm trying so hard to get over this I've spent so long suffering and I need to break free it's ruined my childhood and teens, I don't want it to ruin anything else. So I'm going! I may be anxious, I may be screaming inside and hurting but I need to do this!

As I live in Scotland we are lucky and don't have to pay any money to attend college. But unfortunately if you are me, you don't get a penny! I have lost my job and I am completely struggling. Everyone I Speak to is useless, they tell me if I get a job they will give me money. But if I had a job I wouldn't need the money. I want a job I really do! But I live in such a small place there aren't any available. And due to my craziness it's hard. Its taken me so long to get the courage to do this course and now it's becoming impossible, there seems to be so many barriers in my way.

Today when I got off the train I heard some boys make a comment about me, they said " kick her wee a*se she just bumped into me" "haha I'm surprised she didn't knock you out" it hurt me so bad cause I have such an issue with my weight. I know I need to loose weight but I'm not like ten stone overweight more like one or two, I know I'm fat but hearing that really did hurt!

Sorry for rambling I still have so much to say but I'll hold it in for now and get to the point. How are people ment to move on when there is so much standing in the way? I'm trying to improve my life but I can't, it's such a vicious cycle.

Katrina x