I'm completely stuck, I can't find any way to put things out.
I don't know anymore how to solve things by myself neither how to ask for help, because I asked before and it didn't make any difference.
I also hate saying anything personal and talking about those things makes me feel stupid, I hate sounding like a victim. I was told that making a journal can help you put things out but I always feel silly talking about emotions, I only want to make me less confuse about myself.

Basically I deal all my life with the same issues, I thought I was being able so solve some things, but they just get worse. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Is too much stuff and everything to confuse to explain.

I think the only thing that's left is to kill myself, but there's this silly hope. I thought I was getting into something when I about the pds, but I can't go to a therapist to solve this, and I don't think this would make any difference.

A long time ago I tried to find on the internet people who could relate to this and see what they make to change, after I found about the pds I stopped reading because I was diagnosed with major depression on that time and a personality disorder seemed “too much”, and I was already going to a therapist, then she started talking to me about personality disorders and since I couldn’t go back to seeing her I read about just out of curiosity, but reading about bpd made things make sense again.
I feel hypochondriac thinking that I would like to go to a therapist but I really don’t know what to do by myself. I was trying to do many things right from the beginning, I didn’t want to make things worse cause I think I couldn’t stand them.

Any of those thinks looks real.