Hello. My name is Randi. I am a teenage girl. I live in the USA and I am in the 10th grade. I am in school and do all my school online from home. I don't really have any friends anymore, which is mostly my own fault, but also the fault of some other things. I am in cyber charter school because of things that I have done, my mental problems, but also because of other people (fights with other people that I didn't start).

I was diagnosed with depression and have been on medication for it since I was 13, though I know that I have been depressed for most of my life. I have gotten into legal trouble and I have done a lot of things that would have gotten me into a lot more trouble if I had ever been caught. My family has money and so they got m out of a lot of things, but I have also been working hard to stop doing the bad things that I have been doing. I have been using drugs and alcohol since I was 12 and I can't say that I have not used at all, lately, but I have really cut back A LOT (like not even close to how I was!). I am also a sex addict (self diagnosed, though I have tried to tell my therapist about it).

I have been interested in sex since as long as I can remember anything. I have had sex with people I shouldn't have, I have done it in places and ways I shouldn't have (unprotected), and I have done it in times that I shouldn't have. I haven't had real sex with anyone in a the last 5 months. I have been trying not to meet guys from the internet for sex and my last boyfriend was a jerk and I am feeling kind of gun shy about relationships. I masturbate a lot and it is compulsive. I feel like I need to do it and I can't stop. I have spent hours doing it, some days, and haven't gotten done things I needed to do. I do it so much that sometimes it causes me pain. I look at porn all the time and it feels like the main thing I ever want to talk about is sex. I feel like I am crazy (because of this, my depression, but also for other reasons).

I think about killing myself, a lot (pretty much every day, at some point during the day; I have thought about it, a lot, today). I have never done it, obviously, but I have come close in the past. I have cut myself, but I haven't done that in a long time. I've done things that have been really risky and could have gotten me killed or hurt bad. I have put myself into situations that I know I could get really hurt in. Some days I just feel like there is no reason for me to live. I DO have reasons to live (my dog is my biggest reason), but I have to remind myself all the time. I don't like my family, I don't have friends, my brother is the only person I still care about in the whole world and he is in college, now (so I barely see him). I know that all the sex is because I feel worthless and useless and when I have sex at least I feel good and I feel like I am doing something good for someone else.

I feel like I am rambling, so I guess I will just end this, but the last thing I will say is that I DO want to feel useful, so if anyone wants to talk with me or anything, I would like to try to be helpful.