You can always PM me...I partially relate tbh. I really hope you get someone's help ):

This isn't the proper place to ask for advice, you should think about posting in forum:

http://www.psychforums.com/child-abuse/

Please post in there, and you'll get folks to respond to you much more than in the blogs.

Hello and welcome....

Usually blog entries can be expected to not get much response, you may find more feedback posting in open forum. Maybe Anger Management.

I have OCD. One major theme for me is harm thoughts. Thoughts of killing people and pets. So maybe I can lend a hand.

I think this might bother and weigh on you, because you're an animal lover. I think a lot of people, would ofc not hurt the cat. But they would entertain murderous thoughts, without guilt. Intellectually, I know that as an OCD person, I don't have thoughts worse or different from others, but I obsess over having had them.

You're understandably upset, there is no love lost between you and the cat. A lot of people would fantasize about killing it, without doing it ofc. And not be bothered by the thoughts. But your sensitivity to animals might be making your anger uncomfortable.

As long as these just stay thoughts, no harm done. Thoughts are just thoughts.

Ofc I hope you don't do anything! Cats can be messed up creatures sometimes. And it's very hard to get them to change. I've known (and had) difficult kitties before. Just remember it is a living creature with its own issues and hangups. And ofc it's in many cats nature to go after prey. I've rescued plenty of lizards and mice unlucky enough to get inside, from my little mouser.

thanks Snaga! not really sure how to do this blog/forum thing but i'm figuring it out

Hey there sweets... You might.. or might not. Get much comments in the blogs. I'd suggest posting in forum, but I'm not sure which one. Perhaps one of the Depression ones, or maybe in Living With Mental Illness. Which we kinda try to steer people away from, being a catch-all, but still, maybe there.

I think many of us strive to appear 'normal'. I know people often mistake me for positive attributes I most definitely do not have. I fake it.