var title = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum Psychology Feed';
		var url = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/random_blogs_c-3.html';
		var site_url = 'https://www.psychforums.com';
		var site_desc = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum';
		var time = 'Sun, 14 Sep 2025 16:54:57 -0400';

		var data = new Array();
		

		data[0] = new Array();
		data[0]['title'] = 'HOW TO DEAL???? I have BPD';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/how_to_deal%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94_i_have_bpd_c-3_u-259283_b-7036.html';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/how_to_deal%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94_i_have_bpd_c-3_u-259283_b-7036.html';
		data[0]['username'] = 'Phume';
		data[0]['blog_id'] = '7036';
		data[0]['blog_message'] = 'WHERE TO START????....OH YEAH, ZEE BEGINNING, LOL&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; THIS IS LOOOOONG!<br />Im 23, got diagnosed a month ago after a FAILED suicide attempt....<br /><br />The day I tried to kill myself was mothers day, it triggered so much and after a telephone conversation with my dad where he was basically telling me to be more open with him, I just lost it.....<br /><br />I was repeatedly raped from age 6 to 9 by 3 men who some how decided to make me their toy....my biological mother is what you call a &#039;&#039;SHEBEEN QUEEN&quot;. She was that drunk lady down you street you always heard stories about, from the many men who come in and out of her house, poor condition of the house and how her kids just had to deal with all this......*depends on where u grew up*.....anyways, she wasnt around most nights and during the day she either slept or tried to fight off her hang over....it felt normal for me, living like that, I didnt know there was any other way a family lived but it all changed when I met my father, at 6 years old......I didnt know I had a father till I met him, I never questioned who my daddy was because I ddnt know what a daddy was........<br /><br />life was a bit different during the small occassions he would come and buy me gifts, &quot;ILL NEVER FORGET MY 1ST BIKE&quot;....i felt somehow loved when he bought me stuff and gave my mother money and 3 out of 7 nights we had food to eat at home......I really loved my father......school for me is a blur, dont know why, I had different recollections of certain events but its like i slept whenever I went to school and woke up when it was over.......I remember the 3 men who did things to me and threatened me repeatedly but somehow I dont remember doing homework and writing tests at that age.........<br />I was around 9 when i started visiting my father during school holidays and eventually met my step mother and older brother. i remember how kind and gentle my step mom was and how I tried to sleep with my older brother when I was 9 and how the nanny caught me naked on the floor and my brother standing by the door looking confused..........that episode was not shared with my father or step mother.......I thought all boys touched girls the way the 3 men touched me.......<br /><br />anyways, long story short, my step mom was a social worker who noticed my weird behaviour around my brother and other male siblings, I dont know how I acted weird as I have never asked ..........my step mom had to literally hit me for me to tell her about the 3 men back at home....I got taken away from my mother and out in a place of safety after many questions and cross examinations.......that year was the best, I had soo much fun, even though I started being a bully........<br /><br />a year later I started living with my father, wasnt allowed to talk aor see my biological mother and thats when my step mom became &quot;the grinch&quot;.......i wasnt allowed to sit alone with my dad and my brother mostly lived with his biological mother.......LONG STORY SHORT: my step mom was emotionally and physically abusing me and my father being a busy business man was not around all the time.....I acted out by bullying kids at school and got into lots of trouble and went from a star student to a barely passing student.....somehow i did well in school when I was living with my mother and when I was at the place of safety.......anyways, I mostly bullied boys, started hating them, purberty came and i hated them more as I ddnt understand why my body was changing and &quot;crushes&quot;........<br /><br />High school came along and I was put into a boarding school, learnt about sex, drugs and alcohol......my dad was very strict, wasnt allowed to have friends over when i was in primary......my dad did hit me many times when i got into trouble, its his way of discipline....anyways, I failed 1 year in high school barely made it out alive, developed many eating disorders and was obese by the time I finished high school............made friends, and i did love being away...<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/how_to_deal%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94_i_have_bpd_c-3_u-259283_b-7036.html" class="postlink-local">[ Continued ]</a>';
		data[0]['blog_time'] = 'Wed, 04 Jun 2014 07:44:23 -0400';
		

		data[1] = new Array();
		data[1]['title'] = 'An update ::';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/an_update__c-3_u-147688_b-9379.html';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/an_update__c-3_u-147688_b-9379.html';
		data[1]['username'] = 'Tululaboo';
		data[1]['blog_id'] = '9379';
		data[1]['blog_message'] = 'It has been quite some time since I was both active on the forums or in my blog (not that its much of one) but giving the new year is around the corner and the sad news of a sub-forum closing to read only I thought it was time to make a new start on here and in the real world. Despite the news about the forum I will still be using this blog as an outlet so please read with caution.<br /><br />The reason for my long inactivity was as my granddad was having a lengthy battle with kidney cancer which took his life not long ago, it was a very rapid downfall and hit everyone very hard and he sadly passed away just under 2 weeks ago and was buried 2 days ago so as you can imagine things are still raw not just with myself but family to.<br />--<br />As for myself things have been going up and down throughout the year and it has been rather hard to find some level ground amongst it all and much as before my mind is still my worst enemy constantly flooding my head and not being able to stop it. Silence is bad enough but uncontrolled thoughts are the absolute worst.<br /><br />Despite all that I do actually feel like I am in a much stronger position to keep myself out of the majority of harm and speaking from where I was to how I feel now this is one of many bricks in my foundation to staying strong. I still have things that need to be worked our and sorted through but its at least one hell of start and its something I can for once say I&#039;m proud of.<br /><br />I still do view loli/toddlercon from time to time along with /r34/ to take the sting off so things are perhaps not as strong and I&#039;m not as clean as I should be but all said and done its a step in the right direction. I know looking that stuff it is doing just as much harm as it is good but for now I&#039;d rather use it as a safety net than have nothing but a dark abyss again. I crawled out from there before and I intend on staying out of it.<br /><br />Even though there are very select few in my life that &#039;know&#039; and I put it like that as at times I feel they don&#039;t quite fully understand to extent of things which I suppose is not their fault although one person does not understand how hard it is to talk to them about things, what I think, feel or thoughts I have. I know they wont want to hear it who does and I just cannot get past that.<br /><br />My pedophilia is one on a list of things which plagues me and to be honest while I feel safer and stronger, actual support is not a lot, aside from things I have put in place like not watching television, movies and even limiting the music I listen to. Keeping myself busy with new projects, learning new languages and gaming there is not much else. It may be slow going but its all a start right.<br /><br />I expect things to be pushed and pulled but hopefully by then I can take it.<br /><br />Tulula ~';
		data[1]['blog_time'] = 'Sat, 19 Dec 2015 10:58:47 -0500';
		

		data[2] = new Array();
		data[2]['title'] = 'My relationship with my therapist';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_relationship_with_my_therapist_c-3_u-435562_b-11460.html';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_relationship_with_my_therapist_c-3_u-435562_b-11460.html';
		data[2]['username'] = 'ChocoSara';
		data[2]['blog_id'] = '11460';
		data[2]['blog_message'] = 'Hi guys , <br />This is pretty awkward to me talking about anything related to therapy to anyone. I&#039;ve been seeing my therapist for a month now , we had 4 sessions and 3 walks so far. What i wanna talk about is how i can open up to him and not feel so stiff around him and end up regretting not saying all i want or any of it at all. He says we have a good relationship but it’s different for me. I feel really disconnected. I have so much to tell him but it always ends with me not saying what i REALLY wanna say , especially when we have a walk. There’s that thing i do when i feel &quot;bad&quot; , i pretend that i&#039;m telling him what i&#039;m feeling so i calm down. Maybe it’s the reason i have nothing left to say ? <br />The reason i&#039;m trying to find a way to be more open is that i feel forced by myself. I’m regretting everytime i see him and end up not saying what i feel at all , and i don’t wanna drop therapy. I really really need it. I had a really unpleasant event by the time of our 3rd session and it made me realize how lucky i am to have a therapist at all. I wanna start fresh and on good terms with him. I wanna trust him enough to be comfortable around him to make our process better and not feel pushed. And he’s just a nice person idk what’s wrong with me  <img src="https://www.psychforums.com/images/smilies/icon_neutral.gif" alt=":|" title="Neutral" /><br />I want to want to get better and not feel so forced by myself.';
		data[2]['blog_time'] = 'Thu, 28 Sep 2017 04:07:19 -0400';
		

		data[3] = new Array();
		data[3]['title'] = 'My friend scares me.';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_friend_scares_me._c-3_u-420947_b-11256.html';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_friend_scares_me._c-3_u-420947_b-11256.html';
		data[3]['username'] = 'Baloo197';
		data[3]['blog_id'] = '11256';
		data[3]['blog_message'] = 'My friend absolutely terrifies me. He has never done anything violent or harmful to me and is the most gentle and peaceful person I know (Though he is quite distant). He is also the most dangerous person I know. He usually has a calming air about him. It&#039;s calming to the point where he picked a bee off a flower and held it in his open palm for who knows how long before he sent it back on the flower without it stinging him. However, his air about him changes to absolute dread when he gets aggressive. This dread caused a dog to whimper and hide just by being near him. A moment to feel this dread is to ask him about his past.<br /><br />My friend has a rather dark past. He had drug addict, alcoholic, and sick parents for the first three years of his life who were constantly fighting. He also was being watched by his legally crazy grandparents who were also drug addict alcoholics. He saw his mother brutally die in front of him from a car accident he was in. His father legally died then came back into a coma. He was physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused. He was raped. He was constantly being bullied at school and at home by his cousins. He hasn&#039;t seen his sister for ten years. He almost died countless times. He was also taken away from his father by the CPS. I was his first friend ever, and that was in the 5th grade (He was held back one year). I am still one of his only friends. The bullying never really stopped, it&#039;s just that everyone was to scared to.<br /><br />As I said before, he is the best person I have ever met. However, he becomes a monster when aggressive. During these moments, he is not angry in any way. He is actually very happy when he is aggressive. I have seen him do some monster like things when he is like that. Ranging from will his way through a sleep hold to overpowering four football players. A note to take is how he is a 5&#039; 5&quot; 135 lbs slender-athletic build guy who isn&#039;t very bulky despite his martial art training, but he is stronger than he looks and is very resilient. When he becomes aggressive, his entire being changes. His eyes become empty and have a death stare, his body language becomes feral and relaxed, He gets a joker like smile and tries to keep himself from giggling and almost growls, the air around him becomes full of dread, and his already efficient and dangerous fighting style becomes even more efficient and dangerous. When he is in a fight, killing an insect, or gutting a hunted animal he laughs harder and smiles harder. He clearly enjoys being hit or hurting things when he is in that state. He also doesn&#039;t feel any physical pain in that state. After he snaps back to normal, he bursts into a crying mess, and will often vanish when we all check to see if the guy he was fighting is okay.<br /><br />When he is normal, he has noble body language, a gentle look on his face, and love in his eyes. He will try to never harm anything and will resolve anything peacefully. He also genuinely cares about his few friends and gives amazing advise and can console anyone.<br /><br />My friend has gone to therapy, but the fact he couldn&#039;t remember what he did in the aggressive moment, the therapy didn&#039;t help him know what was wrong with him. He also went to anger management, but he apparently has an outstanding control over his anger. We both wonder what is wrong with him, and I am absolutely terrified of him even when he isn&#039;t in his aggressive state.';
		data[3]['blog_time'] = 'Fri, 14 Jul 2017 03:40:15 -0400';
		

		data[4] = new Array();
		data[4]['title'] = 'Should you buy a gift for your therapist ?';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/should_you_buy_a_gift_for_your_therapist_%CA%94_c-3_u-444168_b-12050.html';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/should_you_buy_a_gift_for_your_therapist_%CA%94_c-3_u-444168_b-12050.html';
		data[4]['username'] = 'APPLEAPPLE18';
		data[4]['blog_id'] = '12050';
		data[4]['blog_message'] = 'Hi, <br /><br />So I would like to know what you think, I have been lucky enough to see a therapist for three months in an organisation that provides free counselling. She has really helped me and I want to thank her with maybe a card and or a box of chocolates but I don&#039;t know if it is appropriate.<br /> I think it is because the service was free so she has been giving her free time to help me and I have seen cards in her office, would a small box of chocolates at the end of our last session be appropriate ?<br /><br />Thank you for your advice <img src="https://www.psychforums.com/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" />';
		data[4]['blog_time'] = 'Tue, 24 Apr 2018 14:14:46 -0400';