document.write('<div style="border: 1px solid #C5D7EF;"><h2 style="margin: 0px; padding: 2px; color: #3366CC; font-family: arial,sans-serif; font-size: 1.1em; font-weight: normal; background-color: #E5ECF9; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/random_blogs_c-3.html">Psychology and Mental Health Forum Psychology Feed</a></h2>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_4136\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_4136\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_4136\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i_think_i_love_someone_i_should%CA%B9nt...%CA%94_c-3_u-137603_b-4136.html">I think I love someone I should'nt...?</a></div><div id="b_4136" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">I&#039;m a teen girl and a bit confused. I&#039;ve looked up on this and read stories similar to mine but not exactly the same. As long as I have remembered I would get crushed on boys and even had a boyfriend not long ago. I remember having friends that were girls and loved being around them, especially if they had a great personality but that&#039;s all..when I got with my boyfriend, it was great at first and I knew I liked him because I always got butterflies around him and he always made me smile without even saying anything. At the same time I was gaining a best friend and we we&#039;re getting really close really fast. She became like a sister to me and I loved her, like a sister nothing else. Later on I began to loose interest in my boyfriend and was getting stressed out because I didn&#039;t want to hurt him and break up with him so I stood with him for almost a year but towards the end we didn&#039;t really talk and I was stressing out. My friend was there through it all, when I was stressing out because me and my bf weren&#039;t talking later that day she was the one making me laugh, smile, and feel happy again. Because of it I got the feeling of wanting to protect her as much as possible and promising her I&#039;d always be there for her like she is for me. She knew I wa having boyfriend problems because I didn&#039;t like him anymore yet we we&#039;re still together, she encouraged me to break up with him saying I&#039;d be better off without him. At school we acted like really close friends but outside of school either at volleyball practice at home she acted a bit different. She acted more silly when it was just us and always laughed at anything I did, be it I mess up or just being clumsy. soon I began getting tongue-tied talking to her because she kept eye contact the whole conversation, something I couldn&#039;t do. So I would look away for a second while we were talking and when I&#039;d look back she still would be watching me, trying to hide a smile which started giving me butterflies. these little feelings have been getting stronger &amp; I don&#039;t know what&#039;s happening. We promised each other we&#039;d be there for each other always, she&#039;s so close to me and my family and me with hers. At school I don&#039;t have any classes with her this year and try to be with her as much as possible, I just really love her company, even if it&#039;s less than 5 minutes. If I see her this force makes me call her, it literally feels like a physical force, and when I call her I see her turn and when she sees me she always smiles. Seeing her smile always makes me happy and when I&#039;m not with her I can&#039;t wait to see her. I&#039;m starting to miss her very easily and sort of get jealous when she&#039;s with her other friends, one in particular. When she&#039;s with that one particular friend and Im there it&#039;s like I don&#039;t exist yet later when she&#039;s gone Im the one she stays close by to, even if there&#039;s other people we talk to with us. I&#039;ve told her &quot;I love you&quot; and she actually said &quot;I love you too&quot; but it was at night when we were going to sleep, I wasn&#039;t sure if she actually meant it or she was half-asleep when she said it. Another thing is that when we sleep together in the middle of the night she always ends up cuddled next to me, her arm around me like she&#039;s hugging me, honestly It&#039;s something I look forward to whenever she spends the night, even if she is asleep when she does it. If I don&#039;t she her for a while I swear I get depressed. These feelings have just been getting stronger since I broke up with my bf. I still get crushes on guys yet she always manages to get stuck on my mind, I don&#039;t know whats going on....I feel like im in love with someone I shouldn&#039;t be in love with. Help?  <img src="https://www.psychforums.com/images/smilies/icon_question.gif" alt=":?:" title="Question" /></div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_9353\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_9353\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_9353\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/a_little_lost_and_confused_maybe_used_and_abused_c-3_u-316719_b-9353.html">A little lost and confused, maybe used and abused</a></div><div id="b_9353" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">this is going to be my first post, i&#039;m not really sure where to start this post so i&#039;m going to jump right in, i have a been wondering lately whether i may suffer from borderline personality disorder, i have had this feeling for a long time that i am not quite right, i have this emptiness inside me, it feels like i am a camera stuck on live feed but no ones watching, i often feel like this regardless of whether i am content or unhappy.<br /><br />onto how i feel, sometimes i lie awake at night reliving the past day, i feel ups, downs, and sometimes a cold icy rage. i have little control over my thoughts and feelings at these times, or anytime really. i can maintain at times, but only for seconds before i&#039;m lost again. during the day when faced with interactions with people at work etc. i wear a mask that&#039;s all smile and charm, at times it feels more real than others. when like this i have little room for empathy or genuine care and affection, because one chink in my armour it could all come crumbling down. regardless of this, time, tiredness, stress and everyday interactions slowly erode it away. the harder i try to keep it on the worse the emotional comedown is. at home i can hide away in a book or hobby, at work i will feel like a zombie, just going through the motions, lost.<br /><br />i have always known that i have a very adaptable personality, it became more clear with a friend recently pointed out to me, that i completely change, interaction to interaction, almost instantly, depending who is around, effectively becoming a different person. i think i choose the path of least resistance, the easiest and the safest. at times it feels like i am just mirror, lost in someone elses reflection. my lack of self has made me easy to be manipulated and used for the benefit of others at times sadly.<br /><br />the people i allow myself to care about seem to effect me the most, i don&#039;t wear a mask with them, even if i wanted to i can&#039;t , this can result in myself becoming this mirror colored thing, for the most part i don&#039;t mind because we are happy, and i am more comfortable asserting myself, or the self i want to be,<br /><br />i think this has been a pretty long post, i will leave it here. if there are any questions i will be happy to answer them. thankyou</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_3421\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_3421\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_3421\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/hi_just_wanted_to_say_c-3_u-97890_b-3421.html">hi just wanted to say</a></div><div id="b_3421" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">hi i am new to this sight and just wanted to say that  i have depression and problems with people and talking i am a cutter and very suicidal. so i kinda need some help and ideas on anything that could help me. i am only 18 and im a very shy girl</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_7036\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_7036\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_7036\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/how_to_deal%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94_i_have_bpd_c-3_u-259283_b-7036.html">HOW TO DEAL???? I have BPD</a></div><div id="b_7036" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">WHERE TO START????....OH YEAH, ZEE BEGINNING, LOL&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; THIS IS LOOOOONG!<br />Im 23, got diagnosed a month ago after a FAILED suicide attempt....<br /><br />The day I tried to kill myself was mothers day, it triggered so much and after a telephone conversation with my dad where he was basically telling me to be more open with him, I just lost it.....<br /><br />I was repeatedly raped from age 6 to 9 by 3 men who some how decided to make me their toy....my biological mother is what you call a &#039;&#039;SHEBEEN QUEEN&quot;. She was that drunk lady down you street you always heard stories about, from the many men who come in and out of her house, poor condition of the house and how her kids just had to deal with all this......*depends on where u grew up*.....anyways, she wasnt around most nights and during the day she either slept or tried to fight off her hang over....it felt normal for me, living like that, I didnt know there was any other way a family lived but it all changed when I met my father, at 6 years old......I didnt know I had a father till I met him, I never questioned who my daddy was because I ddnt know what a daddy was........<br /><br />life was a bit different during the small occassions he would come and buy me gifts, &quot;ILL NEVER FORGET MY 1ST BIKE&quot;....i felt somehow loved when he bought me stuff and gave my mother money and 3 out of 7 nights we had food to eat at home......I really loved my father......school for me is a blur, dont know why, I had different recollections of certain events but its like i slept whenever I went to school and woke up when it was over.......I remember the 3 men who did things to me and threatened me repeatedly but somehow I dont remember doing homework and writing tests at that age.........<br />I was around 9 when i started visiting my father during school holidays and eventually met my step mother and older brother. i remember how kind and gentle my step mom was and how I tried to sleep with my older brother when I was 9 and how the nanny caught me naked on the floor and my brother standing by the door looking confused..........that episode was not shared with my father or step mother.......I thought all boys touched girls the way the 3 men touched me.......<br /><br />anyways, long story short, my step mom was a social worker who noticed my weird behaviour around my brother and other male siblings, I dont know how I acted weird as I have never asked ..........my step mom had to literally hit me for me to tell her about the 3 men back at home....I got taken away from my mother and out in a place of safety after many questions and cross examinations.......that year was the best, I had soo much fun, even though I started being a bully........<br /><br />a year later I started living with my father, wasnt allowed to talk aor see my biological mother and thats when my step mom became &quot;the grinch&quot;.......i wasnt allowed to sit alone with my dad and my brother mostly lived with his biological mother.......LONG STORY SHORT: my step mom was emotionally and physically abusing me and my father being a busy business man was not around all the time.....I acted out by bullying kids at school and got into lots of trouble and went from a star student to a barely passing student.....somehow i did well in school when I was living with my mother and when I was at the place of safety.......anyways, I mostly bullied boys, started hating them, purberty came and i hated them more as I ddnt understand why my body was changing and &quot;crushes&quot;........<br /><br />High school came along and I was put into a boarding school, learnt about sex, drugs and alcohol......my dad was very strict, wasnt allowed to have friends over when i was in primary......my dad did hit me many times when i got into trouble, its his way of discipline....anyways, I failed 1 year in high school barely made it out alive, developed many eating disorders and was obese by the time I finished high school............made friends, and i did love being away...<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/how_to_deal%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94_i_have_bpd_c-3_u-259283_b-7036.html" class="postlink-local">[ Continued ]</a></div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_7239\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_7239\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_7239\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/scars_i_want_to_keep_*tw*_c-3_u-263420_b-7239.html">Scars i want to keep *tw*</a></div><div id="b_7239" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em;">My mom wants me to get rid of my scars...But i find i really don&#039;t want too. I don&#039;t not want to wake up and not see them there on my left shoulder, on my left wrist and my right hip bone. Sick? Very, i know. My own mom looked at me like i was crazy when i told her, which i probably am. No healthy person cuts themselves, that&#039;s obvious. Or at least in my case, used too.<br /><br />I stopped cutting maybe a couple of months before high school graduation but it wasn&#039;t due to my mother finding me out. Instead my boyfriend did and made me promise to never do it again, cutting my mother to the punch line. My mom found out a month after him, i believe. She didn&#039;t believe me when i told her i stopped, so i gave her the scissors i used to hurt myself. That was my second step to stopping i guess. My third had to be when she got me medicine to take away the scars...but now on the fourth step, actually putting the stuff on, i&#039;m stuck.<br /><br /> I&#039;ve put it on once or twice but not religiously. I hate the idea of them not being there. They give me comfort and make me feel better. Am i wrong in wanting them there?</div>');
		
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