document.write('<div style="border: 1px solid #C5D7EF;"><h2 style="margin: 0px; padding: 2px; color: #3366CC; font-family: arial,sans-serif; font-size: 1.1em; font-weight: normal; background-color: #E5ECF9; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/random_blogs_c-3.html">Psychology and Mental Health Forum Psychology Feed</a></h2>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_6958\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_6958\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_6958\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/what_now%CA%94_c-3_u-258910_b-6958.html">What Now?</a></div><div id="b_6958" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">So, my step brother took the plea. What now? What happens next? I have been preparing for the worst, and now I&#039;m suppose to be happy? I don&#039;t understand.</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_4712\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_4712\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_4712\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/do_i_have_some_serious_disorder_or_something%CA%94_c-3_u-195253_b-4712.html">Do I have some serious disorder or something?</a></div><div id="b_4712" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">I&#039;m 19 years old and for my entire life I&#039;ve been having troubles feeling anything at all. I always thought there was some logical and simple explanation to why I wasn&#039;t like everyone else, and I assumed it would heal with time, but it didn&#039;t. It just keeps getting worse. First let me begin with that I&#039;m completely unable to open up to other people. I have never opened up. To anyone. If I&#039;m even close to doing it I feel disgusted by myself, I get nausea and an urge to flee. I&#039;ve also never cared like others. I can&#039;t really feel empathy. Or I mean, I can, for like animals and my family, but no one else. I&#039;m literally serious when I say my best friend could die tomorrow and I wouldn&#039;t be able to feel a thing. Obviously I&#039;d think it&#039;s sad, but it wouldn&#039;t effect me on an emotional level. <br /><br />I hide this part of me, and I certainly don&#039;t talk about it with anyone. I want to be normal but I just can&#039;t. I have tried to involve myself in other people, in relationships, and even - in my sillier moments - in love. But it doesn&#039;t work. Something in me is broken or missing. I love my immediate family, but that&#039;s about it. I can lie without feeling any kind of remorse, I manipulate people very easily, and when someone really gets on my bad side, I just attack their weaknesses and break them down with words. It&#039;s terrible, I know, but I can&#039;t stop. Even as I write it, I know I say it&#039;s terrible, but I don&#039;t feel terrible. I just know that it&#039;s not how a person should act. I could never physically hurt another person, but not because it would make me feel bad but more because I know it&#039;s wrong. <br /><br />My condition is just getting worse, I&#039;ve started to distance myself from everybody because I feel so tired of wearing a mask and constantly faking to like what they like or play their stupid games. I don&#039;t love others. I&#039;m incapable of feeling on a deeper level, there are no strong emotions in me. I feel narcisstic but at the same time I hate myself. I can get furious very easily but it goes away as quickly as it comes. I haven&#039;t had such a bad childhood but I mean my mother was going through her hardest part of life when I was a kid, and she took it out on me a lot. Sometimes physically but mostly mentally, such as I constantly heard that I was a bad kid, and bad news, and she blamed me for a lot of stuff that wasn&#039;t really my fault. She changed and got so much better when I was like 13 or something and now she&#039;s the best mom ever and apologized 200 times but I can&#039;t seem to let go. It&#039;s stuck with me.. I&#039;m seriously worried that my condition will become worse and something bad will happen... What&#039;s wrong with me?</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_2652\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_2652\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_2652\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/confused_to_who_i_am%CA%94_c-3_u-86785_b-2652.html">Confused to who i am?</a></div><div id="b_2652" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">Im a 19 year old male, believe it or not studying psychology at university. I just cant seem to find myself! I thought university would change this with me living away from home, i thought it would be the part of my life where i would blossom but no, nothings changed. <br />I have zero confidence, i cant talk to people, i shy away all the time. Ive always been an attractive person, but the exterior just doesnt reflect whats inside. I dont have many friends atall, i know alot of people and people know me but know one that i could actually get into a deep coversation with. One thing that is worrying me alot is the excessive alcohol im drinking, I drink quite often as i believe it gives me more confidence, i am able to conversate with people and actually feel like i have a purpose. Im not an alcoholic as i can take it or leave it but i do feel that if i do not start to get help i will end up turning to drink.<br />My family is pretty messed up to be honest, my mother is amazing but shes just under so much preassure with work and helping my sister who is a single mother and battleing a cannabis and alcohol addiction. I just dont want to talk to her and put more worries into her head, she wouldnt deal with it. my mother has been on anti-depressents for as long as i can remember.<br />I feel like i am really blabbing on here but this is the first time ive actually been able to think about the way i feel and what crap is actually in my head. Its getting to the stage where i just dont know which direction i am going in or how to get there. I am not suicidal but the thought has crossed my mind a few times. <br />I know by writing this im not going to be instantly fixed/cured but it has helped alot, im not asking for answers, just maybe someone to talk to or someone with advice. <br /><br />Thankyou for taking the time to read this. <br />Mike</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_9871\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_9871\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_9871\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/desire_to_abuse_cat%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94%CA%94_c-3_u-344099_b-9871.html">Desire to abuse cat?????</a></div><div id="b_9871" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">Alright let me start this off with some context, I am a 18 year old senior who&#039;s life revolves around animals. At my house I have a cat and 7 reptiles (all mine), but at my grandparents who i vist every weeked, has not just a cat, but a spawn of pure evil. Now this cat we bought from a home as a kitten and raise it up to the evil it is today, it has never been abused and has a life full of enrichment amd everything it needs. But even so this cat does not let anyone pet it, it never purs, it breaks stuff, attacks at random, and has a ever growing desire to murder. My cat at home is the complete oppisite, so needless to say I was taken back by the attitude, and tried many things to correct this behavior. But recently I have had this ever burning passion to strangle the cat, step on its neck, or simply kill it in anyway possible. This started when the cat decided to ######6 fling one of my gecko enlosers across the room, break in, and eat its tail. It must have thought the taste was good too, because now she wont ######6 leave any of my enclosures alone and i have to hide them in the basement. Ever since she touched my precious child, I&#039;ve felt this way, and I have given up on trying to fix whatever mental problem this cat has, because whenever I see it, I get a visual image in my mind of abusing the thing. This freaks me out, I would never hurt my other animals or even my cat, but this ######6 evil has me going crazy, and these thoughts i have need to stop.</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_5612\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_5612\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_5612\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/wtf%CA%94_c-3_u-246885_b-5612.html">WTF?</a></div><div id="b_5612" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em;">Mood: Exhausted<br />Listening to: Blake Shelton - Sure be cool if you did<br /><br /><br />It is one of those nights where I cannot get my mind to shut up. I am so sleepy but alas it manages to escape me. Racing thoughts and the like, This is my first time online today and it is 4:45 am so I guess that would technically mean that I was not online at all yesterday. I have not been able to focus enough on one thing to read a book. That is very stressful as reading is an outlet for me, I have my youtube playlist playing on shuffle so I don&#039;t even have to make a decision about a song cause right now my mind won&#039;t let me even think on it enough. I thought coming on here and writing for a bit would make me feel better or at least give me something to do but even now it is difficult to focus enough not to stray the subject. I love music there is rarely a time in my life that music is not playing. I listen to just about every genre I can think of with the exception of polka. Lately when I try to go to sleep paranoia takes over, it seems like the moment I become &quot;still&quot; the $#%^ hits the fan so to speak. Paranoia,agitation, conversations in my head with more than one voice. WTF? I moved across the country and have yet to see a therapist or mental health professional for that  matter. I have been off meds since roughly June. I sometimes feel like I am watching my life play in front of me like a movie without the option to react. I mean my body is reacting but I am not, what the hell is that about? The other night I went to bed around 3 am to try to sleep but the moment I stopped listening to music and reading articles online and settled down in my bed with the lights off it got ugly. First the paranoia set in, it was extreme. I felt like I was screaming inside my mind but no sounds escaped me. It seemed endless then a soft little crying voice was in my head like a thought but not my thought. Then the weirdest thing happened.... I got this mental image of a little girl crying holding a teddy bear curled up in a corner. I don&#039;t know how I knew but the little girls name is Sophia and she is 6. I have never seen this little girl before so how would I know her in my mind? Let me say this, My name is not Sophia and I have never personally met anyone by that name. After the image of the little girl left the &quot;screaming&quot; in my head started back up. I don&#039;t know.... I am lost and not sure what is going on. After that night I called and made an appointment with a dr in the new town I am in. I am nervous about going to a new dr, I do not trust easily and I don&#039;t know if I can open up to them. <img src="https://www.psychforums.com/images/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":?" title="Confused" /></div>');
		
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