Sorry this is very long but please read this because i need help...
Hi, I am a 16 year old girl and have been struggling with hocd for about 2 years. It all started in 7th grade when I had an intense crush on a boy. Whenever I was around him I had butterflies and I actually wanted to marry him. He liked me too but he soon developed a crush on another girl and I wasn't even jealous because I didn't like him as much anymore. One night I was at a sleepover with my friend and I was laying on the couch when a thought popped into my head, "you don't like **** anymore, are you gay?" After that one thought, it has changed my life. ( I am not homophobic but I was always kinda uncomfortable around gay people at that age. But now I am not at homophobic or uncomfortable around gay people anymore)

A couple weeks later, I was seeking reassurance on being lesbian and stumbled across the term hold. I had all of the symptoms and felt better. But, the worrying didn't stop. In 7th grade I was only scared about "becoming" gay, I knew i wasn't but I was just scared i was "changing" into being gay. I went to my school guidance counselor and she told me that it was ok if I was gay and should learn to accept it, this heightened my worrying because I couldn't handle the fact of being gay. There were times where I was not worrying and then times where I was. After a while of being worried I didn't worry about it at all. I had some thoughts here and there but ignored them. It was the start of 8th grade (the grade I am in now) and I didn't worry about it. Then it was triggered again, (I forgot how). Soon my mind made me think I had crushes on every single one of my friends (who were girls). My mind said "If you aren't attracted to him, you're gay." It also started to change my past and say "you like her" even when I felt nothing for her when I was with her. Recently, I had a small panic attack at a restaurant where i couldn't eat any single thing (not even a small piece of rice) because I was worrying so much. My mind kept screaming "your bi!..." That night at the restaurant I planned to come out to my mom (my mom knows about my hocd) but the problem was that I didn't like any girls. I would also look at my friends (who were girls) and become jealous of them because they do not have to go what I go through. I would say in my head, "they are so lucky that they are straight. They are going to have the best relationship"

I then began to dig into my past (i still am) and there are some things that I have done as a child that i can use as proof that I am gay. Keep in mind that I have never been attracted to anyone of the same sex besides false attractions (which is not even real attraction). My mind would also say "All the girls think your older brother is cute, but you don't. This means your gay." And now that I am writing that, what on Earth was I thinking, am i stupid? Lol. I would also have false attractions for people on TV shows and have dreams and wake up feeling aroused and feeling that I liked it. I know that arousal doesn't mean your gay so it doesn't worry me at all.

I know that I like boys but I am just scared that I like girls to. I always wanted to have a boyfriend but now I do not as much. My mind is now saying "being with a girl isn't so bad." "it will be fun to be in a relationship with a girl" I have never dreamed about girls the way I have dreamed about boys and the only relationship I want with girls is friendship. But as i am writing this my mind is saying, "you wouldn't mind it, it would be fun!" Whenever I go out, it is just natural for me to want to impress a guy. I have never wanted to dress to impress a girl. I cant picture my future with a girl because its just not me. I also don't think it is necessary to come out because deep down I know i'm not.
I used to have bad intrusive thoughts, but now those thoughts aren't even...

[ Continued ]

My gambling is becoming out of hand lately and i really feel its changiny core as a person it all started when i got a job at a nearby gambling establishment and to cut a long story short i started to gamble because of my employment and now i feel like it is taking over my life and more important things are taking a back seat. i'm new to the site so any help/advice by more experienced gamblers would greatly help thank you.

I have been wondering this for a while now. Ever since I was little, my Mom tried to fit in with her boy friend's life style. The guy could have been a raging alchoholic, who was a complete ass(most of them were) and she would stay with him, no matter what. Last year, I told my mom that my step brother had been sexually abusing me for a little over two years. When I told her, she at first seemed shocked and had called him in the room with my step dad. They kicked him out of the house for two days; during those two days, my mom didn't talk to me, yet alone speak to me. She began making me feel guilty for getting in trouble, and even tried bribing with my graduation dress for my 8th grade ceremony. I eventually gave in, and they moved him back in. I was forced to live with him for six months, until I ran away to my dad's house. The thing that I have had trouble coping with is how she could have just turned away from me. It hurts so much. I would have maybe understood if she was a dad, since they don't really go through the pregnancy and the pain mothers feel. I have just have had the hardest time grasping how my mom could have just left me like that. She told I could tell her anything. Why would she have done that? I'd like to assume she just has some mental illness that she had never told me about, but maybe she just didn't care what happened to me.

So, my step brother took the plea. What now? What happens next? I have been preparing for the worst, and now I'm suppose to be happy? I don't understand.

you see, I've liked him for some time now but never went for it cause I used to think he was weird. (attractive though) but for the past few months him and I have been really talking. & he told me he has ASPD which I've now been researching a lot because I genuinely care for him and want to make sure he's like you know, okay?
I can't tell if he likes me or not or if we're going anywhere though? I've expressed to him many times how I like him and he thinks its odd/weird? is that bad? He let me take his V-Card but then afterwards said it felt like it didn't even happen because he doesn't really have "emotions". I'm so confused, he says he likes being with me and cuddling with me and he wants to see me like every chance he can & he blows up my phone when he gets on break/wakes up before I do or if I'm not messaging back. he's not mean or rude, he's not addicted to drugs. the only thing about him is he acts sort of emotionless like he doesn't like expressing his feelings/getting emotional? and he doesn't like kissing either which is weird cause most guys his age (19) do you know?
I really am so confused and I think I'm falling in love with him, he's the first guy I've liked since my last relationship which was a year & took a lot of healing time so I'm afraid.. should I keep going and see where it goes without getting my hopes up? or does it sound like I should just give up..? (I rather not) but I'd like to hear opinions from others with ASPD and your feelings about love.. have you ever been in love or felt strongly about someone?