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An update :: by Tululaboo on Sat Dec 19, 2015 3:58 pm
It has been quite some time since I was both active on the forums or in my blog (not that its much of one) but giving the new year is around the corner and the sad news of a sub-forum closing to read only I thought it was time to make a new start on here and in the real world. Despite the news about the forum I will still be using this blog as an outlet so please read with caution.

The reason for my long inactivity was as my granddad was having a lengthy battle with kidney cancer which took his life not long ago, it was a very rapid downfall and hit everyone very hard and he sadly passed away just under 2 weeks ago and was buried 2 days ago so as you can imagine things are still raw not just with myself but family to.
--
As for myself things have been going up and down throughout the year and it has been rather hard to find some level ground amongst it all and much as before my mind is still my worst enemy constantly flooding my head and not being able to stop it. Silence is bad enough but uncontrolled thoughts are the absolute worst.

Despite all that I do actually feel like I am in a much stronger position to keep myself out of the majority of harm and speaking from where I was to how I feel now this is one of many bricks in my foundation to staying strong. I still have things that need to be worked our and sorted through but its at least one hell of start and its something I can for once say I'm proud of.

I still do view loli/toddlercon from time to time along with /r34/ to take the sting off so things are perhaps not as strong and I'm not as clean as I should be but all said and done its a step in the right direction. I know looking that stuff it is doing just as much harm as it is good but for now I'd rather use it as a safety net than have nothing but a dark abyss again. I crawled out from there before and I intend on staying out of it.

Even though there are very select few in my life that 'know' and I put it like that as at times I feel they don't quite fully understand to extent of things which I suppose is not their fault although one person does not understand how hard it is to talk to them about things, what I think, feel or thoughts I have. I know they wont want to hear it who does and I just cannot get past that.

My pedophilia is one on a list of things which plagues me and to be honest while I feel safer and stronger, actual support is not a lot, aside from things I have put in place like not watching television, movies and even limiting the music I listen to. Keeping myself busy with new projects, learning new languages and gaming there is not much else. It may be slow going but its all a start right.

I expect things to be pushed and pulled but hopefully by then I can take it.

Tulula ~

0 Comments Viewed 19729 times
overprotective parents by claudiam1999 on Thu Jan 30, 2014 5:24 pm
so im a teen, a girl, and i have overprotective parents, and by overprotective , i mean embarrassingly overprotective. my dad is more laid back and will let me do more things and go to more places, but my mum is the main issue. if i ask to go somewhere, i have to ask my mum. its like my dad has no input on my social life what so ever.

recently i have been talking to a boy that i like and we have been getting on well. he is really nice and i would love to get closer to him. but obviously my mum is getting in the way of that. she wont let me go to a boys house even if its for a couple of hours or for dinner and if a boy comes over she wont let us go upstairs which is pretty embarrassing. i dont want to have a sexual relationship with a boy at this age but my mum doesnt seem to trust me and its really bringing me down.

whenever i talk to a boy im scared to get close to them because i know my mum will mess things up. i feel like im not allowed to talk to a boy or to have a boyfriend. i mean, im a teen, obviously im going to be talking to boys or wanting to have a boyfriend but my mum gets in the way of everything.

its not even just with boys, its with everything! she only likes about 3 of my friends and she will let me stay at their houses but if its someone she hasnt met or doesnt like she wont let me. like my friend asked me to go to her nans birthday party on the weekend and stay at hers after, and my mum wont let me because she doesnt like her. she ruins everything! i know its cliche that im a teenage girl and saying she ruins my life but she really does. and its bringing me down completely.

she wont let me out after dark and i always have a curfew to get home. this boy im talking to doesnt go to my school, but hes the same age as me, so i can only see him on weekends and i cant even see him that long because it gets dark early in the winter and i cant see him after school either so i only ever see him like once a week. he asks me to meet up with him after school sometimes and i always have to come up with an excuse like every other time she says i cant go somewhere.

if i ask her to go somewhere or do something she either says 'no' straight away or she says 'i'll think about it' and most of the time its a no anyway. im a teenager, she needs to let me go places and experience new things so i can learn from my mistakes. keeping me locked up in the house all the time isnt going to make things any better, its just going to raise me into a liar and make me want to rebel against things. apparently overprotective parents can lead to social anxiety too. i dont know if i have it but im always sad when it comes to my mum and makes me feel depressed. i cry all the time about it and she doesnt care.

if i try to explain things like this to her she never listens or understands how i feel. i know shes overprotective because she wants to look out for me and everything but doing this is only going to make things worse. if she let me make mistakes and see right from wrong then i will understand. its not like im going to get raped or mugged if i go out after dark, im only going to be with my friends!

i just wish she would understand how i feel and give me a chance. she doesnt trust me and it makes me feel so upset that i dont get opportunities to do anything.

im the only friend with an overprotective parent and i feel left out and worthless when my friends talk about all the fun they had when they went out at the weekend or after school without me there because im the girl with the overprotective parent that no one wish they had.

dont get me wrong, i love my mum, but she doesnt realise how much this brings me down. and im getting sick of it. i might aswell have no friends or boyfriends or social life until im about 20.

please help me to find a solution to this. :(

thank you.

0 Comments Viewed 7394 times
My relationship with my therapist by ChocoSara on Thu Sep 28, 2017 8:07 am
Hi guys ,
This is pretty awkward to me talking about anything related to therapy to anyone. I've been seeing my therapist for a month now , we had 4 sessions and 3 walks so far. What i wanna talk about is how i can open up to him and not feel so stiff around him and end up regretting not saying all i want or any of it at all. He says we have a good relationship but it’s different for me. I feel really disconnected. I have so much to tell him but it always ends with me not saying what i REALLY wanna say , especially when we have a walk. There’s that thing i do when i feel "bad" , i pretend that i'm telling him what i'm feeling so i calm down. Maybe it’s the reason i have nothing left to say ?
The reason i'm trying to find a way to be more open is that i feel forced by myself. I’m regretting everytime i see him and end up not saying what i feel at all , and i don’t wanna drop therapy. I really really need it. I had a really unpleasant event by the time of our 3rd session and it made me realize how lucky i am to have a therapist at all. I wanna start fresh and on good terms with him. I wanna trust him enough to be comfortable around him to make our process better and not feel pushed. And he’s just a nice person idk what’s wrong with me :|
I want to want to get better and not feel so forced by myself.

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eI hav a characted in my head, and he won't leave me alone. by pennyfortheselfish on Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:26 pm
I am a 19 year old girl and I have this male character about my age in my head, he has a name and characteristics and personality and everything already thought out for him. He's not alone, he has a bunch of friends...also in my head. I switch mainly between him and me, his friends are all just there for some reason.

When I was in middle school I was bullied and alone so I started "creating friends" to entertain me during lunches...now, everytime I find myself feeling lonely, they're automatically there. Sometimes they're there when I'm hanging out with other (real) people but that doesn't happen too often.

I started out thinking I have DID but now I'm confused, I can tell him to leave and he will but then he comes back again. It's mostly him talking to me and giving me advice and helping me but sometimes I actually become him and I end up just sitting on my sofa, staring at the wall, or walking around my room living in this imaginary world in my head. Sometimes I end up making faces or using body language without realizing that I am. Sometimes when something happens to me (when I am him) that saddens "him", I physically cry. Or I can feel pain (I don't know how to explain that).

I often find myself isolating myself from friends and family just to be him in that world.

I'm just wondering if anyone else experiences this? What is this? I can't seem to put a word on it. Also, I have no idea why I'm suddenly identifying with a male...

I haven't seen any posts similar to this so if someone experiences this I would be really glad if they could share cause I am so confused all the time.



- Penny

0 Comments Viewed 18281 times
Urge to bite.... by hiding_the_broken on Mon Nov 24, 2014 4:28 am
I'm a 16 year old girl. I never bit anyone as a kid or anything like that. I have been diagnosed with OCD, Severe Clinical Depression, and a Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am on medication for those things. But I have been having the urge to bite things lately. It doesn't matter what mood I'm in. I just randomly have the urge to bite things. I mostly bite myself; I could never bite another person. Yes, I have been self-harming for a little over 4 years, so maybe it's just another form of self-harm, but it's getting pretty bad. The bite marks last about a half hour. I've only broken through skin once. What is going on with me..why am I biting all of a sudden...

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