I have been wondering this for a while now. Ever since I was little, my Mom tried to fit in with her boy friend's life style. The guy could have been a raging alchoholic, who was a complete ass(most of them were) and she would stay with him, no matter what. Last year, I told my mom that my step brother had been sexually abusing me for a little over two years. When I told her, she at first seemed shocked and had called him in the room with my step dad. They kicked him out of the house for two days; during those two days, my mom didn't talk to me, yet alone speak to me. She began making me feel guilty for getting in trouble, and even tried bribing with my graduation dress for my 8th grade ceremony. I eventually gave in, and they moved him back in. I was forced to live with him for six months, until I ran away to my dad's house. The thing that I have had trouble coping with is how she could have just turned away from me. It hurts so much. I would have maybe understood if she was a dad, since they don't really go through the pregnancy and the pain mothers feel. I have just have had the hardest time grasping how my mom could have just left me like that. She told I could tell her anything. Why would she have done that? I'd like to assume she just has some mental illness that she had never told me about, but maybe she just didn't care what happened to me.

I've recently been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder(Depressive type) after 3 years of hell. Its hit me hard as i always thought things would turn out better , if you get me. Ive had bad days alot. And some good days. Im on medication , abilfy 15mg , fluxotine 30mg a day and i feel that it just works for a bit then stops. In the past i had taken seroquel which didnt work at all and risperidone which did work but i had bad side effects and had to change drug. Its doing my head in. I just want to get better ! I wish there was a mircle drug or something , something that would take the voices away. The voices are loud and agressive, they tell me to do things that i shouldnt do. Things got so bad i was admitted to a mental health unit for 3 months. I was in a safe place but i got no help with coping and my medication was removed in the process which added insult to injury.

I feel very alone as i have no one to talk to who has the same diagnoses as me, understands me, or understands what i am going through.
I would like to be able to use this forum to meet people who are similarly affected and able to understand and offer support as id like to do the same.

Hello everyone!
Some bad things happened in my life lately, and i really don't know what to do anymore. And i can't tell anyone and i really need help... Please help me.
I'm a 16 year old girl. I have an older sister who is 20 years old, but lives in another country. I also had an older brother but he died and i'm the youngest kid of my family. My parents were always good to my siblings, but they always abuse me physcially and mentally. My parents divorced when i was 11 and i started to live with my father. But he was always beating me up, throwing me stuff and yelling at me, saying bad stuff to me and i was really depressed. And everyone was bullying me in school because of my look and it was making me really upset and make me hate myself.
When i turned 13, i started to live with my mom and she got married last year. But she changed a lot after she got married. She started abuse me, she was always talking about how ugly and stupid and lazy i am etc. Then she started to hitting me.
One day my mom and stepdad went out for drinking (they are drunk most of the time already so...) and they came home at like 3 am. And my stepdad tried to rape me. Then i called police, they took him to police station but he didn't go to jail...
After that day, he started to hit me too and my mom wasn't saying anything. I had a lot of scars and bruises on my face and body.
And then they kicked me out from the house because they said they can't take stand me anymore and my dad said he doesn't want me in his home so i'm staying at my friends home for now.
I feel really bad. I wanna run away from all of this and I wanna die. Nobody really cares about me, even my parents. I want to talk to my mom but I can't do it. I don't know what to do.
Btw i'm sorry for my bad English because my first language isn't English and i'm still learning. Thank you so much for reading..

so my boyfriend of a year and a half has bipolar disorder. We've broken up and fought many times over the past but everything always goes back to normal once he's done with that particular cycle. I know it sounds awful to go through but I am willing to and it is worth it to me. I'd never hold it against him because I've done my fair share of learning about the disorder and I know that he can't help it. I love him and I want to see him happy and I know I make him happy it's just when he gets moody it's always me. And I know that when he doesn't know what's wrong he's going to take it out on the person closest to him which is me, and I know I can't do anything about it, and that sucks. We've talked about his disorder before and he realized that I'm the only one who's there for him.

Now getting to what's going on right now, we hadn't fought in two months and everything was perfect and I knew that it was long overdue for him to go through a depressive, angry or manic cycle. Last Sunday I saw him and everything was fine, then that night when he was working he texted me and told me he was depressed, I know better than to ask him why or what's wrong so I just told him that if he needs me I'm here but if he needs his space I understand. He told me that he needed some space he just didn't want to have to say it, so we didn't talk because I wanted to respect that he needed space. On valentines day, that tuesday, I didn't want to waste my card so I drove the hour to see him and I put it on his doorstep and I left, as to not bother him. In the middle of the night he sent me a long text saying how he needs someone more mature and how I'm too negative and how he wants to break up. I'm neither of those things. He said he's on a path to self discovery as well. After we talked about that I asked if he got my card and he said yes and no, that he got it but he didn't read it, he hid it from himself in case he has a change of heart like he does other times with the things I give him when stuff like this happens.

We didn't talk all week and then today, Saturday, I don't know why but I had to say how I felt. So I sent him this long thing about how I felt and he was really nasty about it (which I was expecting). I just needed him to think about what he's doing. Also all week he has been tweeting all these sad song lyrics or he sounds happy. And in the past he's seemed happy and he would be out with his friends having a good time and not talking to me but that's expected and he'd always come back. The last time I told him how I felt and how his bipolar disorder was affecting me (because he knew he was bipolar he just had no idea what it meant) he got really angry at first but he called me later and told me that I was right and that he was sorry.

Everyone I've tried talking to about this just tells me I need to tell him to go on medication. He's tried it and doesn't like it and it's not my place to push him to do so. I know the real reasons he's upset are because he's a 20 year old boy who thinks his life is over because he hasn't started college yet, and I've been trying to help him to go to college, and I'm in no way trying to hold him back. I know he's just going through a cycle and he's not being himself right now and all of the other times he's always come back. It's just never lasted this long. I know it can't be the same every time but I just wanted to see some other opinions.

For now I just know I need to give him the space he needs and respect that and hopefully he'll come back sooner or later. I've been told I should leave him countless times by others but that's not what I want to do in the least bit.

Opinions? Advice?

So for my first post, Im just going to do this as a journal I guess. I don't know.

So basically, Im a teen. Please don't even ATTEMPT to judge me because I've been through so much already and I am going to lose it.

I feel so sad, hopeless, and SO angry all the time and I don't get why certain things happen to me. I mean, I was never a bad person. I don't know why I deserve all this at such a young age and I'm so depressed and It's so UNFAIR.

I hate me, I hate everyone, I hate the world. I hate everything. I never wanted to feel this way. I never EVER did. And now I do, and everything freaking sucks.

My family thinks I'm emo and my friends think I'm outgoing and happy and I'm going to lose it. I can't be who I really am because I'm so afraid of being judged and I hate it so much.

I spend most of the time in the bathroom breaking down to the point where I have to cover my mouth to make myself quiet.

I'm a TEEN.

I never wanted to be like this AT ALL. I wanted to worry about my looks, my studies, and pop stars such as One Direction or Justin Bieber or something but NO. Life will not permit it and IT'S UNFAIR.

I want to be normal and so many bad experiences happened to me at such a young age and I'm trying my best to BE happy but I can't and I don't know why.

Instead of being HAPPY I'm depressed, hopeless, angry and I HATE IT SO MUCH.

I don't know what to do. I don't see any future of mine. I want to die but I don't and I really don't know what to do anymore and I'm sick of it!

I want to have dreams and I want to have crushes but I don't and as I said so many times,

IT'S SO FREAKING UNFAIR.

I'm too young and all these experiences and troubles in family, friends, school, and life is just piling and piling.

I thought that maybe, this was a phase or something but I've always been this way ever since I was young and I've only realized it this year.

I've always been quiet and emo. Even in school, but I changed myself because there were people who teased me so, in a snap, after one summer, wow, I was happy on the outside. People used to say that I was really quiet and I always looked like I was mad and I just realized that I was just really sad. And now that developed into depression. I know you think I'm lying since I'm too young but we're all different here and we go through different things and I just had to go through many things at a young age.

I'm really tired. I really am. I tried everything. I even self harm. I have scars from razors and my parents think it's something I got from my dad called Keloid wherein you just get tiny scratches and they turn to look like scars and I agreed so they won't be suspicious. But after awhile, they did of course, so I started to cut elsewhere other than my wrist.

Anyways, other than that rather disturbing paragraph, I just want help.

I don't want to be some depressed teenager with anxiety. I hate always being jumpy, nervous and I want to be NORMAL.

So. If anyone reads this. Please help me before this gets worse. I'm really tired of feeling this way and I don't think I can hold my sadness and anger in any longer. I just want to scream at the world that I'm upset and lost and to help me but I can't. I have no one to talk to. No one I trust.

But I know there are people out there who will understand and that's why I am here now. I don't like thinking of suicide or anything. I really don't. And I want it to stop. So if anyone can PLEASE help me, just... HELP ME.

Please, I'm begging you. I'm so desperate and I just really need someone to be there for me right now.