I carry around a little pocket knife , when its just me and my daughter home. I won't take a nap when my daughter is sleeping aswell because I'm scared someone might take her while im sleeping or threaten to hurt her to make me do things. My mind continuously comes up with bad situations (example-if someone is knocking at the door I get paranoid they might force there way inside and hurt me or my family so ignore it but then I think if I ignore it they might think no ones home and break in ). I feel safe when my partner and everyone is home, but when its bedtime I lay awake and feel like someone's watching me from the windows or is going to break In and kill all of us. When I dose off I wake up scared when I feel my partner is gone and I jump to conclusions he has been dragged away and stabbed but in reality he just goes to the toilet a lot during the night . I usually end up grabbing a knife and putting it safely near me till I finally fall asleep which normally is around 3 in the morning. I feel it's my job to protect my family and if I let my guard down, someone will take their life's away and mine. I try to talk to my partner about it but he just says "stop thinking silly", I'm trying to stop but its not easy. Am I just to paranoid or crazy...

I am Bipolar 1 and a paranoid schizophrenic. I take Depakote, zyprexa, hydroxizene, citalopram and medforim. I have gained 50 pounds in two months. Because of this I have been taking around 15 laxatives a day. I haven't tried overdosing on medication since I was sixteen and I am thirty seven now. Here's the but... I don't think I want to die but it's all I can think about. The thrill of taking as much as I can and feeling as physically sick as possible but not going to go get my stomach pumped seems to be the plan. The medications I've been planning are all past scripts and current ones. I know this is simply crazy I have a good doctor but the phone weighs a thousand pounds this Saturday morning. Hospital is out. I just seem to want to suffer. If you were me and did call, what would you say and exactly what results would you want anyway?

Hello I'm a teen boy and I'm having a real tough time I'm not 100% sure I have OCD but when I was younger I would always have thoughts of dying and got really scared and frightened of it and also stuff in my room I liked it to be in order also my dad had OCD symptoms when he was younger like if he felt a certain way he would walk on the white lines on a road so he'd fell better and stuff like that so since I was young boy I can remember I was always into girls I fantasised and felt emotionally and sexually attracted to them and there was no thought that crossed my mind I was gay I remember going to a leisure center with my mum at around 7 or 8 and I would get changed in to woman's (because i was to young to be by myself) I always found myself looking at the women and liked it when I saw them naked but when I was 9 I had to get changed in the male part and felt uncomfortable as they were all naked so Back to my story I started masterbating at a young age (around 9) and it would be over like nude chat shows on tv and stuff like that once I found porn I couldn't stop masterbating over straight and lesbian porn once I entered secoundry school I had a massive crush on this girl and couldn't stop thinking about her I also remember being very jealous when she got a boyfriend it all started when I entered year 9 a girl had asked me out (I had liked her) and I did but I was extremely shy around her in school and so I felt so shy around her I broke up with her and then she tiled a lot of people the reason why dumped her was because I was gay this made my life hell I lost so many mates but got over it .then after a while I started to question If I really was gay ? I started to test myself by watching gay porn which didn't arouse me (even when I tried to masterbate and it made me start to gag) then I'd watch lesbian porn and be aroused this would stop me obsessing for a while but it came back and my mind is saying that I didn't try tow masterbate to gay porn because you like it really so I started looking and asking on yahoo awnsers they all gave me awnsers like your probably gay/bi this made me doubt myself even more this is making me stressed and I hardly go out on the weekends incase I see a man and have sexual thoughts i try to have gay thoughts but they don't feel rightI'm also having grounal responses why is this happening ! I don't want to be with a man also I've been having gay dreams and these dreams I'm literally checking if I'm aroused like in my dream but I believe I'm in love with a girl at the moment ? Also I'm constantly looking at myself to see if I look gay also when I see someone and there looking at me while talking to someone I automatically think that they think I'm gay I am also worried that girls think I'm gay when I started doubting my sexuality I thought I was gay bit now I think I'm bisexual and now my mind is saying that I'm thinking that because it's true also when I look into my past and see one part that seems homosexual it will cause a spike and cause me to panic is there a reason why I'm like this ? I play rugby and when I've made contact with males I don't feel aroused but my minds telling me I am I have also seen my friends penises before and not been aroused and just laughed what shall I do ? I don't know how much I can take of this it's everyday and I feel I have to keep checking If I'm aroused is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life am I in denial ? I just hate these thoughts I also remember when I was about nine that my cousin would sit on my lap but I pretended it was a girl and now mind keeps focusing on that and won't go Please someone tell me what's wrong I also look at myself in the mirror and and see if I look gay or have a gay voice or if I give off a gay vibe

Im really looking for help, just insight from people who have been through this tough and stressful road... (Cant afford, to see a therapist at the moment, insurance doesn't cover lol)
21, young..
I love people... I would give my last dollar to someone who says they need it.
Have trouble keeping a job, but getting one is easy as cake, I just get bored real quick..

Now that we've been introduced,

For a few years now I've been struggling with panic attacks and high stress...at first it was just that id get dizzy and start panicking, and my heart would feel like I was just lifting a fridge. ha

But as the years progressed I started looking up things like schizophrenia, and ADD and OCD, and for about a year and a half now my obsession with being scizo has consumed me... what sucks is that I developed a mean phobia of people doing things to my food.. I was afraid someone had done something to things prepared for me if it be in a dinner or already packaged food.. I would come home and think, what if someone broke in and tampered with the food my mom made.. Or if the delivery guy was late, did he do something to the food... I stopped eating mushrooms (because of the fear that I may eat a magic shroom lol ) I lost alot of weight because of this...lol Which would bring me to the conclusion ( and i know self diagnosing myself is bad) but that i may be scizo...

Well I started attacking my fears head on, and began eating again, anything, and everything... Things got better.. and worse. I still get the occasional panic attack but my mind is now consumed by other thoughts regarding me being scizo for other reasons now...

My mind is stuck on the what if idea that one day I snap and kill someone, or hurt someone i love.. My attention has been targeted to one person, (for a small period of time) then sometimes just anyone.. i started to push myself away from sharp objects and such.. STOPPED that early. ( i knew that once i went down that road id be screwed with more weight to carry.)

I also read that if you loose emotion towards these ideas, and instead of fearing them you become excited, or question what if you might just enjoy murder, that you may be deranged. So I (being the hypochondriac that I am) started to question this as well.. I get these weird and obsessive thoughts but now I try to laugh bout it and keep moving but i cant tell if im just getting better or tricking myself and just getting worse....

I also adopt symptoms as i read them, like i read that someone with scizo will have difficulty speaking or writing, or doing certain things, or they may hear noises or see things, so I began finding myself watching myself, (and almost forcibly) started having difficulty with speaking, or seeing things out the corners of my eyes, or hearing things around my house... I feel great when i write or talk about it, i just want to know if anyone is on the same boat as me. Am i crazy, is this normal OCD, or am I wierder than i think lol. I can get a job, I have no difficulty getting woman, Im kind of a metro sexual so i take a little to much care of myself, I like to talk, i can get along with anyone..Im just so lost rite about now, I want out of this fear, and what feels like limbo!!!

What scares me the most out of all of this is that i know how to write well, and speak well, maybe my grammar is horrific on this little yahoo answers piece, but when i really want to throw down i can... And thats what scares me, am i sane, and just obsessing over being crazy or just crazy pretending to sane...?

please leave a line, much love
Richie

Ok, so I'm pretty sure there is something wrong with me. I have had this feeling toward my stepmother since I could remember. Like a desire. I know it's wrong, it's not right because she is married to my father and she is my stepmother. My father cheated on her and I just wanted to tell her so bad how I felt about her, and how much she deserved better but they got back together. My father married her without telling her he had a vasectomy. And all these years later she really wants a kid, I wish I could help her have a kid...
I am 21 years old, and I moved back into their house about a year ago because my roommate moved out of state and left the bills all on me. I go into their room sometimes when they go to work and I smell her freshly worn panties, and masturbate to them. I found a box of her toys(dildos) and I masturbated to them and licked them. I also found their sex tape and watched it so I could see what she looks like naked. Sometimes when my dad leaves to go to work, I hear her getting into the shower and I fantasize going in there and joining her, or going into the room and waiting on her to get out.
I have control enough to never do anything to crazy, but what should I do? Should I just get help, or tell her what I have done/ how I feel, or nothing? Please don't comment how sick I am, and how I need to find god.. I know I am sick, I just can't control myself sometimes.