hi i am new to this sight and just wanted to say that i have depression and problems with people and talking i am a cutter and very suicidal. so i kinda need some help and ideas on anything that could help me. i am only 18 and im a very shy girl

my father always was suspicious as to why i get really anxious any time my boyfriend leaves. he thought i was doing drugs with him or something - i'm straight edge, so no, i'm not doing any drugs that cause some sort of anxiety disorder. though i did think about how whenever my boyfriend leaves i get anxious. even so when i'm with him i start to get anxious because he's leaving soon. this only happens with him. i automatically assume i'm never seeing him again. i panic and feel as if i cannot feel okay without him. i absolutely hate this, i don't know how to change it, the only thing i've tried is distancing myself but that only leads to emotional distance in the relationship and makes everything worse. i don't know what to do. i don't want to depend on him to feel okay.

I carry around a little pocket knife , when its just me and my daughter home. I won't take a nap when my daughter is sleeping aswell because I'm scared someone might take her while im sleeping or threaten to hurt her to make me do things. My mind continuously comes up with bad situations (example-if someone is knocking at the door I get paranoid they might force there way inside and hurt me or my family so ignore it but then I think if I ignore it they might think no ones home and break in ). I feel safe when my partner and everyone is home, but when its bedtime I lay awake and feel like someone's watching me from the windows or is going to break In and kill all of us. When I dose off I wake up scared when I feel my partner is gone and I jump to conclusions he has been dragged away and stabbed but in reality he just goes to the toilet a lot during the night . I usually end up grabbing a knife and putting it safely near me till I finally fall asleep which normally is around 3 in the morning. I feel it's my job to protect my family and if I let my guard down, someone will take their life's away and mine. I try to talk to my partner about it but he just says "stop thinking silly", I'm trying to stop but its not easy. Am I just to paranoid or crazy...

I've never participated in anything like this before, but it's cheaper than a psychiatrist and healthier than the other "outlets" I had in mind. I don't know where this post is going but I'm just going to let my mind leak onto this blog or whatever the heck this this is and see where it takes me.

Lately things haven't been so hot. I experience major highs where everything is "fine" and I'm truly content with everything and major, and I mean MAJOR lows where I feel the absolute opposite. I know what you're thinking, bipolar disorder. I haven't been diagnosed so I don't know for sure. But that's not the only thing that's "wrong."

I've been having problems with daily/everyday tasks due to my inability to focus, my lack of ability to sleep normally, mood fluctuations, weight gain, lack of motivation, constant nervousness, and always second guessing myself.

I'm completely fine when I'm around my friends, but the second I'm left alone, man... All hell breaks lose in my mind. It's like all the thoughts that I was too distracted to distracted to think about when I was with my friends come out all at once and it overwhelms me and causes me to be more anxious.

My symptoms include:
-lack of focus
-major insomnia
-mood fluctuations
-loss of motivation
-constant second guessing of self
-constant anxiety, stress, nervousness
-shaky hands
-frequent headaches
-hot flashes
-easily startled
-forgetful
-nausea
-irritability
-early morning wakefulness (waking up at like 3 or 4 and not being able to go back to sleep)
-loss of interest in things that once caught my attention.

I don't know what my diagnosis is. If anyone wants to give it a shot as to what's going on with me, I'm open to anyone's input. I know, I should really see someone but I'm using that as an absolute last resort...

I don't know if anyone will see this, let alone spent the time to actually read this crap but if there's someone out there reading this, I would appreciate any input you have.

All the best,
Me.

Hi there, I need some help. I am very confused about my Sexuality and not sure whether I am gay or bi, or even straight.

I'll tell you my story, I am from South America and as a kid I messed around with my friends sexually just trying to experiment as it was easier than getting girls... We wanted girls but decided to play around with each other... That was when I was 13-15 I am now 23. We probably spent half a year messing about, if was never emotional or anything like that but just sexual..

I've lived all my life liking girls ever since and have felt love for women too. I've had two Gfs (real ones), the last one I was with for five years and the current one for around 7 months. I've never really looked at guys at all in any emotional way but I do like to mess around with guys sexually.. And have done a few times in the last 6years.. From oral to sex. Most of the time I didn't enjoy it but it was a sexual thing and fancied oral sex... That's as far as it got with men... Just casual sexual encounters... Not often but we could say once ever three or four months... I haven't since with my Gf as I have been truly happy with her and feel deeply in love with her and always have enjoyed her body too.

Around two weeks ago or just a bit less than that I told her about my sexual experiences and that I think I might be bisexual, however since then I have developed somewhat of an ocd, hocd... Re questioning my Sexuality asking myself whether my whole life as straight has been an illusion and even force myself to see myself with a guy. It doesn't really attract me, but I can't say I would never do it as I think if I can sexually be aroused by men too then it means something, and I have not been able to stop forcing myself into thinking if I am gay or not, and that surely I must be if I fantasise about men whilst with women,

I don't understand whether it's something in my head that has caused me to not stop thinking about my sexual orientation or whether I'm gay but have never really seen it until now, the emotional side I mean... And reconfuse myself by acknowledging that I haven't really at all ever felt emotions for guys, but many times for girls.

I guess I need to establish whether I can be straight and then turn gay, or if I'm simply bisexual, or if I just like sex with men too.. And that's it. As that's how it's felt all my life.

I think about everything to do with this, asking myself if it's that I don't want to be gay and I just have forced myself to be straight, but it's hard to put that to ground as I think at least I would have acknowledged emotions for men before, which I truly haven't until all this began.

Any ideas comments would be greatly appreciated.. As I can't even function a normal life atm.. And when I think of being gay and not being with my current Gf it makes me sick as I want to be with her, or maybe I want it that way because it would just be easier?.