So this is my first ever post out into the deep dark internet, but there's an issue I'm my life and my relationship that I honestly don't feel I can talk to about with anyone, like not him.. none of my friends.. so here I am turning to complete strangers.

So me and my boyfriend have been together 6 months now, we met on tinder and we hit it off like a house on fire straight away! He is one of the best people I have ever met, I'm super attracted to him and he actually wants to spend all his time with me which is more than I can say for any of my exes and we have had a great relationship thus far, except for one thing... So I have felt increasingly upset about this as time has gone on, like when we first got together we were exploring each other emotionally and also sexually, and with him being 9 years older than myself, he had a lot more sexual experience than me and he has introduced me to some new areas such an anal and general bum play which I have loved! So the first bit of our relationship, sexually this has been amazing.. but over the last couple of months he has become more tired and less interested in having sex with me, he has never been one to kiss me lots but again in the last couple of months this has diminished into giving me a peck in the morning before he goes to work.. and unless we are actually having sex, I don't get kisses off him.. he doesn't ever just snog me, and this hurts. Whenever I talk to him about it I just get 'I'm not a lovey dovey kind of person' or 'I'm not a snoggy type of person' which is ok, well its not ok.. because from where I'm standing I literally just crave so much more! Since loosing 6-7 stone over the past year I feel my sex drive has sky rocketed and I find myself wanting sex all the time, whenever I'm with him I just want to ###$ him and him do bad things to me, and when I'm alone.. I touch myself. When I'm alone and when I'm not busy I am constantly masturbating, I make myself cum sometimes 3-4 times a day when I have that chance. And so when I'm with this man who makes me so happy and who I am sexually attracted to immensely, I just want him.. and I feel that he doesn't want me as hard as I want him. When we get into bed and he makes his excuses, bats my hand away from him and tells me he's tired, I cant help but feel gutted.. I feel deflated, it kills me inside and I have to pretend like its okay and roll over and go to sleep when in fact I'm so hurt. Now, please understand when I say we do have quite regular sex, sometimes we can go a few times in a day, but on average I would say about 4 times a week.. sometimes a lot more? Now, this is where I think I have a slight addiction.. because it doesn't seem to be enough, I want to feel that intimacy so much more, maybe its because I don't get the little kisses throughout the day or even that passionate snog in the car before we go for dinner.. He is not the romantic type and unfortunately this massively shows, he never tells me I'm beautiful or says romantic things to me, or does anything romantic, and well 6 months in and he hasn't told me he loves me. I understand people go at different paces but due to this, I'm left wanting more.. and I'm having wondering thoughts, I'm lusting after anyone at the moment and I hate myself because actually the one person I want the absolute most is my boyfriend. I have tried talking to him, and I just don't seem to get anywhere.. He doesn't have much to say and just comes back with the normal 'I'm just not the romantic type' and 'I'm just so tired from work'. I feel like he isn't fully into me? Only apart from the fact he actually wants to see me all the time and literally does anything for me, he looks after me and makes me feel safe, and happy.. But where is my romance? I am a woman, with an incredibly high sex drive who just wants my man to have sex with me all the time and tell me I'm ######6 beautiful!

It has been quite some time since I was both active on the forums or in my blog (not that its much of one) but giving the new year is around the corner and the sad news of a sub-forum closing to read only I thought it was time to make a new start on here and in the real world. Despite the news about the forum I will still be using this blog as an outlet so please read with caution.

The reason for my long inactivity was as my granddad was having a lengthy battle with kidney cancer which took his life not long ago, it was a very rapid downfall and hit everyone very hard and he sadly passed away just under 2 weeks ago and was buried 2 days ago so as you can imagine things are still raw not just with myself but family to.
--
As for myself things have been going up and down throughout the year and it has been rather hard to find some level ground amongst it all and much as before my mind is still my worst enemy constantly flooding my head and not being able to stop it. Silence is bad enough but uncontrolled thoughts are the absolute worst.

Despite all that I do actually feel like I am in a much stronger position to keep myself out of the majority of harm and speaking from where I was to how I feel now this is one of many bricks in my foundation to staying strong. I still have things that need to be worked our and sorted through but its at least one hell of start and its something I can for once say I'm proud of.

I still do view loli/toddlercon from time to time along with /r34/ to take the sting off so things are perhaps not as strong and I'm not as clean as I should be but all said and done its a step in the right direction. I know looking that stuff it is doing just as much harm as it is good but for now I'd rather use it as a safety net than have nothing but a dark abyss again. I crawled out from there before and I intend on staying out of it.

Even though there are very select few in my life that 'know' and I put it like that as at times I feel they don't quite fully understand to extent of things which I suppose is not their fault although one person does not understand how hard it is to talk to them about things, what I think, feel or thoughts I have. I know they wont want to hear it who does and I just cannot get past that.

My pedophilia is one on a list of things which plagues me and to be honest while I feel safer and stronger, actual support is not a lot, aside from things I have put in place like not watching television, movies and even limiting the music I listen to. Keeping myself busy with new projects, learning new languages and gaming there is not much else. It may be slow going but its all a start right.

I expect things to be pushed and pulled but hopefully by then I can take it.

Tulula ~

Hello, I am 26 yrs old. This is first entry on this forum and i also don write much so pls pardon my writing skills. Just to give a brief about myself i am a graduate (Bachelor in Engg) and currently working as a senior software engg in a tech startup. so coming to the topic it all started with me getting in to college as then only that weird feeling creeped of how different i was from others. Though i have been getting careless/ irresponsible/clumsy tags throughout my childhood from parents/teachers and how i was not living upto my potential but i used discard all remarks and didnt give much importance. but during my college time i realized that i was so inferior to other people in the sense that i dint have any purpose, always being confused, unaware , missing out on important deadlines, and most importantly lacking in social skills which totally destroyed my self esteem as i have never been able to build relationships and i deliberately cut contact with very few friends that i was able to make as they though supportive sometimes used to treat me like i was a kid and cudnt take care of myself. same is the case in my job. I am always missing on important points, deadlines , lost in calls, disrupting my manager in between and always missing the big picture which is hugely affecting my performance. i have consulted a reputed psychiatrist but he doesnt think i have ADD as he feels that i am too intelligent for that. but i think that ADD and intelligence are two diff things and can coexist. so i am a bit confused as to what should i do and what are the medical options (if at all they are) i should consider .. Please help????

Hi there, I need some help. I am very confused about my Sexuality and not sure whether I am gay or bi, or even straight.

I'll tell you my story, I am from South America and as a kid I messed around with my friends sexually just trying to experiment as it was easier than getting girls... We wanted girls but decided to play around with each other... That was when I was 13-15 I am now 23. We probably spent half a year messing about, if was never emotional or anything like that but just sexual..

I've lived all my life liking girls ever since and have felt love for women too. I've had two Gfs (real ones), the last one I was with for five years and the current one for around 7 months. I've never really looked at guys at all in any emotional way but I do like to mess around with guys sexually.. And have done a few times in the last 6years.. From oral to sex. Most of the time I didn't enjoy it but it was a sexual thing and fancied oral sex... That's as far as it got with men... Just casual sexual encounters... Not often but we could say once ever three or four months... I haven't since with my Gf as I have been truly happy with her and feel deeply in love with her and always have enjoyed her body too.

Around two weeks ago or just a bit less than that I told her about my sexual experiences and that I think I might be bisexual, however since then I have developed somewhat of an ocd, hocd... Re questioning my Sexuality asking myself whether my whole life as straight has been an illusion and even force myself to see myself with a guy. It doesn't really attract me, but I can't say I would never do it as I think if I can sexually be aroused by men too then it means something, and I have not been able to stop forcing myself into thinking if I am gay or not, and that surely I must be if I fantasise about men whilst with women,

I don't understand whether it's something in my head that has caused me to not stop thinking about my sexual orientation or whether I'm gay but have never really seen it until now, the emotional side I mean... And reconfuse myself by acknowledging that I haven't really at all ever felt emotions for guys, but many times for girls.

I guess I need to establish whether I can be straight and then turn gay, or if I'm simply bisexual, or if I just like sex with men too.. And that's it. As that's how it's felt all my life.

I think about everything to do with this, asking myself if it's that I don't want to be gay and I just have forced myself to be straight, but it's hard to put that to ground as I think at least I would have acknowledged emotions for men before, which I truly haven't until all this began.

Any ideas comments would be greatly appreciated.. As I can't even function a normal life atm.. And when I think of being gay and not being with my current Gf it makes me sick as I want to be with her, or maybe I want it that way because it would just be easier?.

So i've never written a post ever on any forum, ever, and since things have changed for me recently, i'd decide to give this a go. Might not come back to this but i want to get whats in my head out there and see if anyone has anything to say about me and my problems.
My problems: I care about my family too much. I'm almost certain that I have depression, mild anxiety and a myriad of other mental health problems but I've never been properly diagnosed because I care about my family too much to have them worry about me at all. I also come from a culture where mental health is not a 'real' problem, but rather a thing for the weak or the bored.
I think about death a lot BUT i'm not suicidal. I'm fine with death and i'm not scared of it but I would never be able to go through with it as long as my parents are alive because I can't put them through all that pain. If they died though, I would have not much of a reason to keep going, but that is not the point of this post.
I've always been very aware of my issues and i've always been able to talk myself down in my head like there was a third person that tells the two conflicting voices in my head what to do. This third voice sounds like a trusty friend, insightful parent, or even a advising counsellor, when i think about it. This voice knows what people views as normal and suppresses my arguing voices to make me seem 'normal'. It usually takes effort but I know it works because everyone thinks I'm still this smiley, happy girl, which really hasn't been the case since about 7 years ago (when my first encounter of death in the family happened)
My dog (who's been with me for almost 15 years) died yesterday and I was sad but it wasn't a fearful, regretful sadness. It was more of a "i'll miss you" and "we've spent good time together" happy sadness, though it was really sudden and shocking. I still miss him but I don't think I'm doing too bad. My parents on the other hand haven't been able to sleep, eat, not spontaneously cry, and not talk about morbidity every couple of hours. They also hug me a lot because they think its comforting for me, and probably themselves too.
I guess what I'm saying is that is it weird that I'm so aware of what I'm almost sure I have? Does this mean I don't have these mental health issues because it doesn't really affect my daily life and I know what triggers it, how to control it, and what works/doesn't work? Do other people with mental health issues experience this too?
An analogy (if you're still reading): I deal with my problems like dealing with my period. When it starts, I know what I can do to not let it leak out for the world to see. I know what the best way to deal with the dirty pad/tampon is, to chuck it out (feeling all my feelings/non-feelings but in a physical location where no one will see me then throw them out or at least leave them where they can't be seen). I clean up after myself and flush the bloody mess away (make sure no one can physically see or pick out that I have problems at any point of any time)
What do you think?