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My thoughts and your thoughts on me by psychlois on Tue Apr 05, 2016 7:24 pm
So i've never written a post ever on any forum, ever, and since things have changed for me recently, i'd decide to give this a go. Might not come back to this but i want to get whats in my head out there and see if anyone has anything to say about me and my problems.
My problems: I care about my family too much. I'm almost certain that I have depression, mild anxiety and a myriad of other mental health problems but I've never been properly diagnosed because I care about my family too much to have them worry about me at all. I also come from a culture where mental health is not a 'real' problem, but rather a thing for the weak or the bored.
I think about death a lot BUT i'm not suicidal. I'm fine with death and i'm not scared of it but I would never be able to go through with it as long as my parents are alive because I can't put them through all that pain. If they died though, I would have not much of a reason to keep going, but that is not the point of this post.
I've always been very aware of my issues and i've always been able to talk myself down in my head like there was a third person that tells the two conflicting voices in my head what to do. This third voice sounds like a trusty friend, insightful parent, or even a advising counsellor, when i think about it. This voice knows what people views as normal and suppresses my arguing voices to make me seem 'normal'. It usually takes effort but I know it works because everyone thinks I'm still this smiley, happy girl, which really hasn't been the case since about 7 years ago (when my first encounter of death in the family happened)
My dog (who's been with me for almost 15 years) died yesterday and I was sad but it wasn't a fearful, regretful sadness. It was more of a "i'll miss you" and "we've spent good time together" happy sadness, though it was really sudden and shocking. I still miss him but I don't think I'm doing too bad. My parents on the other hand haven't been able to sleep, eat, not spontaneously cry, and not talk about morbidity every couple of hours. They also hug me a lot because they think its comforting for me, and probably themselves too.
I guess what I'm saying is that is it weird that I'm so aware of what I'm almost sure I have? Does this mean I don't have these mental health issues because it doesn't really affect my daily life and I know what triggers it, how to control it, and what works/doesn't work? Do other people with mental health issues experience this too?
An analogy (if you're still reading): I deal with my problems like dealing with my period. When it starts, I know what I can do to not let it leak out for the world to see. I know what the best way to deal with the dirty pad/tampon is, to chuck it out (feeling all my feelings/non-feelings but in a physical location where no one will see me then throw them out or at least leave them where they can't be seen). I clean up after myself and flush the bloody mess away (make sure no one can physically see or pick out that I have problems at any point of any time)
What do you think?

2 Comments Viewed 45060 times
overprotective parents by claudiam1999 on Thu Jan 30, 2014 5:24 pm
so im a teen, a girl, and i have overprotective parents, and by overprotective , i mean embarrassingly overprotective. my dad is more laid back and will let me do more things and go to more places, but my mum is the main issue. if i ask to go somewhere, i have to ask my mum. its like my dad has no input on my social life what so ever.

recently i have been talking to a boy that i like and we have been getting on well. he is really nice and i would love to get closer to him. but obviously my mum is getting in the way of that. she wont let me go to a boys house even if its for a couple of hours or for dinner and if a boy comes over she wont let us go upstairs which is pretty embarrassing. i dont want to have a sexual relationship with a boy at this age but my mum doesnt seem to trust me and its really bringing me down.

whenever i talk to a boy im scared to get close to them because i know my mum will mess things up. i feel like im not allowed to talk to a boy or to have a boyfriend. i mean, im a teen, obviously im going to be talking to boys or wanting to have a boyfriend but my mum gets in the way of everything.

its not even just with boys, its with everything! she only likes about 3 of my friends and she will let me stay at their houses but if its someone she hasnt met or doesnt like she wont let me. like my friend asked me to go to her nans birthday party on the weekend and stay at hers after, and my mum wont let me because she doesnt like her. she ruins everything! i know its cliche that im a teenage girl and saying she ruins my life but she really does. and its bringing me down completely.

she wont let me out after dark and i always have a curfew to get home. this boy im talking to doesnt go to my school, but hes the same age as me, so i can only see him on weekends and i cant even see him that long because it gets dark early in the winter and i cant see him after school either so i only ever see him like once a week. he asks me to meet up with him after school sometimes and i always have to come up with an excuse like every other time she says i cant go somewhere.

if i ask her to go somewhere or do something she either says 'no' straight away or she says 'i'll think about it' and most of the time its a no anyway. im a teenager, she needs to let me go places and experience new things so i can learn from my mistakes. keeping me locked up in the house all the time isnt going to make things any better, its just going to raise me into a liar and make me want to rebel against things. apparently overprotective parents can lead to social anxiety too. i dont know if i have it but im always sad when it comes to my mum and makes me feel depressed. i cry all the time about it and she doesnt care.

if i try to explain things like this to her she never listens or understands how i feel. i know shes overprotective because she wants to look out for me and everything but doing this is only going to make things worse. if she let me make mistakes and see right from wrong then i will understand. its not like im going to get raped or mugged if i go out after dark, im only going to be with my friends!

i just wish she would understand how i feel and give me a chance. she doesnt trust me and it makes me feel so upset that i dont get opportunities to do anything.

im the only friend with an overprotective parent and i feel left out and worthless when my friends talk about all the fun they had when they went out at the weekend or after school without me there because im the girl with the overprotective parent that no one wish they had.

dont get me wrong, i love my mum, but she doesnt realise how much this brings me down. and im getting sick of it. i might aswell have no friends or boyfriends or social life until im about 20.

please help me to find a solution to this. :(

thank you.

0 Comments Viewed 7393 times
Did I throw away my life? Don't think of me as an awful person! by CrazyQuiet24 on Sun Sep 29, 2013 4:49 pm
Only read this post if you didn’t read my other one. This is a shorter version of it. Help me, please! I at least need some kind of comfort or advice, or someone to understand my problem! Ever since I was a baby, I’ve had these weird delusional obsessions. I only talked to myself in my imagination and never really had any contact with the outside world. I called it “non-exposure” and I never exposed anything. It always had to do with cartoons. Just cartoon characters- I was so obsessed with them, and they filled my brain for my entire life- I am not kidding. Every day, 24/7, I would try and picture them in my mind, either trying to picture these kids dressed up as their favorite ones, or just thinking about my favorite ones dating other characters. I was not only obsessed with them, but I was attracted to a lot of them as well. This went on from elementary school to middle school, to high school. I’m 16 years old in my junior year now. I couldn’t stop. It was the only thing that made me happy. I never told anyone about it because I never thought it would be a problem until now- I always thought of it as just a hobby that I liked to do. But now I know it was a waste of time. Now that I’m a junior, I’m supposed to be focusing on college and even more work. But because I lived inside my imagination for such a long time, I suffer consequences now. I’m not able to do the things I used to do. I can’t read, I can’t even focus on real life without zoning out. I don’t know what to do, and I can’t tell anybody- not my mom because she would be devastated, and not anyone else because they would just think I’m weird, and they would be upset, too. I can’t picture anything else in my mind besides these cartoons, and what I see on TV. I’ll never know what it’s like to be an actual person, living a normal human life. I can’t stare straight forward without zoning out, getting dizzy, or getting tired. I hate what I did to my life. I think school lessons are interesting, but they’re hard for me now! I try to focus on school but find it hard to do my work. I could have been a great person. But now I have no skills, and I can’t do anything. I don’t think I can function in this world. I don't think I'll be able to graduate high school, or function in college. I am not an attention whore, but I really want somebody to comment on this soon, because I am lonely and need at least some kind of company...

1 Comment Viewed 48492 times
I may be going insane by Rednation on Wed Jan 07, 2015 7:50 am
Thank you for your time
I am currently a male upperclassmen in high school. My grades are... For lack of a more accurate word bad, I have about a 2.0 cumulative. I used to want to be a 2d animator you know like cartoons. When I think about it that goal it is as far as can be from my reach. About a year and 4 months ago I saw this girl who is now the only thing I think about, I talk to her In very small conversations daily, she is the only reason I even want to go to school when I'm in class I zone out and just think about her I would do anything, everything, and more to make her smile. I go home from school too depressed that I'm not more to her than just someone to talk to for ten-twenty minutes and forget my homework and just think about her, cry for a few hours. Then my mother gets home and it's time for me to fake a smile and make sure she never worries about me. I usually talk to friends on skype which surprisingly takes my mind off of her a little bit, then nighttime comes and I'm back in bed crying,shaking, tired but too scared of how bad my depression may get if I don't keep working for her I've even caught myself whispering her name and talking about how much I love her when I'm in this state. So I'm trapped in this cycle, I ignore school and think of her then I remember she's the one and only thing I would ever work for and my grades just keep dropping. The one funny thing, nobody knows I have this problem, I seem so mentally stable, and I have plenty of friends, I'm only lonely because i avoid talking to people sometimes so I can just lay in bed and think about her. I had brought this problem to a different site and I was banned within a day (I must've swore or something) and I felt like nobody could help me, i have 3 ways I think of my life going, either I end up with this girl that I would be as loyal as a dog too, I somehow manage to pursue my dream of being an animator, or I don't end up with her and my depression takes over, and It scares me so much. Please just give me feedback, I need this help I feel empty.

0 Comments Viewed 12077 times
eI hav a characted in my head, and he won't leave me alone. by pennyfortheselfish on Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:26 pm
I am a 19 year old girl and I have this male character about my age in my head, he has a name and characteristics and personality and everything already thought out for him. He's not alone, he has a bunch of friends...also in my head. I switch mainly between him and me, his friends are all just there for some reason.

When I was in middle school I was bullied and alone so I started "creating friends" to entertain me during lunches...now, everytime I find myself feeling lonely, they're automatically there. Sometimes they're there when I'm hanging out with other (real) people but that doesn't happen too often.

I started out thinking I have DID but now I'm confused, I can tell him to leave and he will but then he comes back again. It's mostly him talking to me and giving me advice and helping me but sometimes I actually become him and I end up just sitting on my sofa, staring at the wall, or walking around my room living in this imaginary world in my head. Sometimes I end up making faces or using body language without realizing that I am. Sometimes when something happens to me (when I am him) that saddens "him", I physically cry. Or I can feel pain (I don't know how to explain that).

I often find myself isolating myself from friends and family just to be him in that world.

I'm just wondering if anyone else experiences this? What is this? I can't seem to put a word on it. Also, I have no idea why I'm suddenly identifying with a male...

I haven't seen any posts similar to this so if someone experiences this I would be really glad if they could share cause I am so confused all the time.



- Penny

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