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An Introduction to My Mission by Bunnielight on Mon Nov 11, 2013 8:06 pm
Hi there.
You may call me Bunnie. I am a 23 year old female who is recently married. While I am completely happy and content with my life, I still carry a lot of baggage on a daily basis and need somewhere to go to write and vent. My mother is believed to have extreme narcissistic personality disorder and has been diagnosed multiple times with bipolar disorder. However, because of her narcissism, any treatment is slapped away. She cannot maintain a stable lifestyle, a job, and refuses to pay rent. She recently got arrested for exactly that and any other information regarding her is simply my grandparents and I digging around trying to find something out.

My sister, half sister to be exact, is a 19 year old "mother" of two who recently had her children taken from her by DCS and relocated to a loving family trying their best to deal with the cases appropriately and cooperate with her while she gets her life together. However, her priorities and terrible attitude is questionable regardless of what she claims. She has been told to do numerous things all of which she either ignores or makes sure she does the minimum. I would have dismissed all of this a long time ago and moved on with my life if I didn't care so much. I want the best because our mother never provided anything for her. I want my nephews to have a good life and to have their mother. It is these reasons that I have tried to be the appropriate rock, but her attitude and my limited affect on this situation, legally, makes it that much harder.

Every day I struggle with my role in all of this. I want the best for everyone. I want them to get the help they need. But the stress of it all effects my life on a daily basis. My life is great. I have a stable job and my husband and I are starting our own business. I am a photographer and he is a videographer/producer. If we continue on the path that we are on, we will be highly successful.

Which is why I had to find somewhere to turn to vent and give me direction. I need to deal with this appropriately and help who I can where I can without causing more damage than I am helping.

I have had blogs over the years but none that I felt comfortable truly venting in. Nowhere that gave me proper feedback or guidance. I came here because I feel like this is where I can find that. Because I definitely need it.

-HMD

0 Comments Viewed 16996 times
do i have a disorder? by glouisek on Mon Jan 07, 2013 5:03 am
i am CONSTANTLY picking off scabs and pimples on my face and even more so on my back. it's so embarrassing because i have tons of scars on my back and luckily on my face it isn't so bad. but whenever a new pimple or scab appears i pick it right away. i don't know why i do it. i don't even think about it when i am doing it. i don't have any disorders so i don't know if this is one and i want to know if i may have something that needs to be checked out.

2 Comments Viewed 20845 times
Do u have hocd ? Or am I kidding myself by Danharvey123 on Mon Feb 17, 2014 5:43 pm
Hello I'm a teen boy and I'm having a real tough time I'm not 100% sure I have OCD but when I was younger I would always have thoughts of dying and got really scared and frightened of it and also stuff in my room I liked it to be in order also my dad had OCD symptoms when he was younger like if he felt a certain way he would walk on the white lines on a road so he'd fell better and stuff like that so since I was young boy I can remember I was always into girls I fantasised and felt emotionally and sexually attracted to them and there was no thought that crossed my mind I was gay I remember going to a leisure center with my mum at around 7 or 8 and I would get changed in to woman's (because i was to young to be by myself) I always found myself looking at the women and liked it when I saw them naked but when I was 9 I had to get changed in the male part and felt uncomfortable as they were all naked so Back to my story I started masterbating at a young age (around 9) and it would be over like nude chat shows on tv and stuff like that once I found porn I couldn't stop masterbating over straight and lesbian porn once I entered secoundry school I had a massive crush on this girl and couldn't stop thinking about her I also remember being very jealous when she got a boyfriend it all started when I entered year 9 a girl had asked me out (I had liked her) and I did but I was extremely shy around her in school and so I felt so shy around her I broke up with her and then she tiled a lot of people the reason why dumped her was because I was gay this made my life hell I lost so many mates but got over it .then after a while I started to question If I really was gay ? I started to test myself by watching gay porn which didn't arouse me (even when I tried to masterbate and it made me start to gag) then I'd watch lesbian porn and be aroused this would stop me obsessing for a while but it came back and my mind is saying that I didn't try tow masterbate to gay porn because you like it really so I started looking and asking on yahoo awnsers they all gave me awnsers like your probably gay/bi this made me doubt myself even more this is making me stressed and I hardly go out on the weekends incase I see a man and have sexual thoughts i try to have gay thoughts but they don't feel rightI'm also having grounal responses why is this happening ! I don't want to be with a man also I've been having gay dreams and these dreams I'm literally checking if I'm aroused like in my dream but I believe I'm in love with a girl at the moment ? Also I'm constantly looking at myself to see if I look gay also when I see someone and there looking at me while talking to someone I automatically think that they think I'm gay I am also worried that girls think I'm gay when I started doubting my sexuality I thought I was gay bit now I think I'm bisexual and now my mind is saying that I'm thinking that because it's true also when I look into my past and see one part that seems homosexual it will cause a spike and cause me to panic is there a reason why I'm like this ? I play rugby and when I've made contact with males I don't feel aroused but my minds telling me I am I have also seen my friends penises before and not been aroused and just laughed what shall I do ? I don't know how much I can take of this it's everyday and I feel I have to keep checking If I'm aroused is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life am I in denial ? I just hate these thoughts :( I also remember when I was about nine that my cousin would sit on my lap but I pretended it was a girl and now mind keeps focusing on that and won't go Please someone tell me what's wrong I also look at myself in the mirror and and see if I look gay or have a gay voice or if I give off a gay vibe

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Schizophrenia and Multiple Personality Disorder *May Trigger* by crazy_banana on Wed Aug 26, 2015 5:15 am
I am Rose, an alter of Anna. She is 15, I am 16. I am always with her, watching, observing what happens. I control her memories and what she remembers. I know all of her memories from the very beginning, and I can, at times, come out to act as a co-Host. I know everything she's gone through , and I act as a leader between all of the alters. I can, at times, control who it is that comes forward. I am their manager and leader. Rage is the hardest to control, because she can draw a line of destruction whenever and wherever she is. She is filled with bottled up anger and rage that was never dealt with all our life. Should I be scared? No, she's only trying to protect our system. I feel more afraid of Echo, because he's always crying and I'm scared that he'll one day give into the darkness.

Everyone thinks that they suffer alone from our schizophrenia, but we all suffer from it equally. Even Anna suffers from it, seeing and hearing people as if she were on acid. Rae is only angered and annoyed, but Brian, whom is the most affected by it, is made to feel even more afraid than he already is all the time. Brian is a moderately autistic 18 year old with the mind of a 5 year old. He enjoys wearing shorts and faded salmon shirts. He fears everyone and everything. He is the most affected because he is so young mentally and is suffering from autism.

Brian was made in the hospital, after being restrained for days. Rae was made after being in the inpatient psychiatric unit for a month. Rage was made from years of bottled up rage. Echo was made from an event Anna went through while she was only nine; thus, the reason that Echo is permanently nine. I was made, as a mute, mature girl, from years of being told not to speak about the horrors I've faced.

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Dirty Feelings and Fantasy by fantasyboy on Tue Jan 26, 2016 4:43 pm
i am 23 year old and doing a job as a designer.
now a days my feelings is very dirty and i start doing fantasy about dirty things.
i can't explain what should i do now ?

1 Comment Viewed 22425 times

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