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Is this weird? I'm having unwanted sexual thoughts and anxiety by Sadcandice on Tue Jul 01, 2014 12:52 am
Hello. I have been diagnosed with anxiety for a few years now. I am a sixteen year old girl, and I often struggle with intrusive thoughts. My latest anxiety has been sexual thoughts, and feeling guilty about everything. For example, my mom was doing something (I don't even remember what) and was sitting down and was in her underwear, though i couldn't tell if she was naked or not. I looked over at her for whatever reason and just kind of instinctively looked down at her crotch area (I have no idea why I do that when I accidentally see someone naked, even a family member) and afterwards, I felt like I looked too long or it was creepy of me. I have no attraction to my mother or anything. But my anxiety has been making me worry about it all day. I even kind of forced myself to glance at hers and other people's butts to prove to myself that it wasn't weird and they're just body parts, etc. But this kind of thing happens to me constantly, especially when I'm tired. I also always feel guilty and like I'm hurting my boyfriend for having these thoughts and doing these things. Is it weird that I glanced at my mom like that? I'm sorry if this is a strange question, but I appreciate your answers. Peace and love.

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Am I just Paranoid or crazy.. by hazey-gal on Tue Mar 10, 2015 1:12 pm
I carry around a little pocket knife , when its just me and my daughter home. I won't take a nap when my daughter is sleeping aswell because I'm scared someone might take her while im sleeping or threaten to hurt her to make me do things. My mind continuously comes up with bad situations (example-if someone is knocking at the door I get paranoid they might force there way inside and hurt me or my family so ignore it but then I think if I ignore it they might think no ones home and break in ). I feel safe when my partner and everyone is home, but when its bedtime I lay awake and feel like someone's watching me from the windows or is going to break In and kill all of us. When I dose off I wake up scared when I feel my partner is gone and I jump to conclusions he has been dragged away and stabbed but in reality he just goes to the toilet a lot during the night . I usually end up grabbing a knife and putting it safely near me till I finally fall asleep which normally is around 3 in the morning. I feel it's my job to protect my family and if I let my guard down, someone will take their life's away and mine. I try to talk to my partner about it but he just says "stop thinking silly", I'm trying to stop but its not easy. Am I just to paranoid or crazy...

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Logging My Journey by maggie246816 on Mon Jun 22, 2015 4:48 pm
I saw that people on this website are able to have a blog, and I took that opportunity. Though I may not have much experience with blogging--besides having a tumblr account--I love to write. Amd I'd like to document everything that happens to me.

My name is Maggie. I'm an 18 year old caucasian (biological) female. I do prefer male pronouns, but not many people acknowledge that.

Thus far, my significant other (Autumn) and I have met two alters. The most prominent alter's name is Reiner. To my embarrassment, he is a character from the anime "Attack on Titan". Reiner Braun is a rather tall, muscular blonde boy. If you want more information on the character, check the anime's wiki.

He is friendly most of the time, but he can be pretty aggressive or sad or angry or confused or frustrated... He's an alter. He's a person... Kind of. I like to think that he is his own person.

Strangely enough, I've spoken to him, before. A few nights ago, I switched to Reiner mode. Autumn told me that he was freaking out and panicking and speaking in German. (For the record, I only know how to say a few things in German.) Somehow, in the midst of his anxiety attack, my mind showed up. I felt as if he was sitting directly next to me... And I started speaking to him (in English). After a while of using Google Translate and trying to calm him down, he began speaking in English, again. Reiner was talking to Autumn and me about what was bothering him, why he was so afraid... This experience was one of the weirdest and scariest things I've ever been through.

(TRIGGER WARNING BELOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I've been raped, molested, and I found my mother dead. This felt equal to all of those things. Maybe it shouldn't have been up that high, but it definitely was.

(TRIGGER WARNING IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

The past few days and nights, I've been able to speak to him. The three of us--Reiner, Autumn, and myself--have a pretty good relationship. For some reason, though, last night, I completely forgot about everything. I forgot the progress we had made by somehow getting my two personalities to interact... Everything. After Autumn tried to remind me for half an hour, I remembered everything. And I'm glad.

My other alter, we found, is a 28 year old woman named Scarlette. She is, apparently, a kindergarten teacher. Autumn really hates her and claims that Scarlette is a b****. "She's one of those women who believe themselves to be 'cool' and 'one with the teens'." I don't exactly blame Autumn for disliking Scarlette. We don't know much else about this alter, besides the fact that she likes pigs and the color teal.

Thank you so much for reading... If you have anything to say or ask, please do so!

If you wanted to email me, my email is tamakisrose@gmail.com . Thank you!

I love you. You're important.


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Do you think this is depression or bipolar? by livestrong on Tue Apr 29, 2014 8:33 pm
I looked up the symptoms for both and the hypochondriac in me thinks I've got every disorder and disease on the planet..


I know something is up with me because I'm so different from the people who surround me. I'm so sensitive to everything and everyone and I feel things so deeply and intensely. And so quickly. I'm quite moody, especially as of late, and I'm very irritable. I chalked it up to the recent passing of my mother (about a month and a half ago), but it's still weird. I hate the people closest to me sometimes. Not my friends, not strangers, not acquaintances.. Only my absolute best friends, those who are truly close to me and those I truly love and care for.. I genuinely hate them at certain points. Just everything about their existence and I want to cut them out of my life sometimes. All for no reason. I'll also feel bursts of love and appreciation for them, all of which are phases and pass.

I initially thought bipolar disorder because of the intense mood swings, but they happen so frequently; definitely not a week or longer. If I felt any single emotion for a week or longer, I would probably lose my mind. My moods change daily, but for the most part, I've got a pretty decent disposition. I'm usually really content. Ever since the lost of my mother, though, I never really know what I'm going to get when I wake up. Some days are good.. Some days, however, aren't so good.


I know someone who suffers from bipolar disorder and I don't see many similarities. When she's up, she's up. She contacts all of her friends and is there for them, helping them with whatever she can, making all these plans and just seems personable. When she's down, she ignores everyone and doesn't care if you need anything from her, even just some of her time to vent to her. She becomes very selfish and cold and distant for quite a few days, if not weeks at a time.

I'm not like that. I'm always there for my friends. Sometimes I don't answer because I'm busy or I forget to respond, or just have nothing to say or don't feel like talking to you, but I don't drop off the face of the earth or anything like that. And I only really take out my mood swings on those closest to me by just being irritable and touchy. I also read about "manic states", which I don't believe that I have any. There aren't specific times that I'll be more likely to spend money, or engage in destructive behavior, or drink/consume substances.. I drink on occasions, I don't partake in any drug usage (other than my weekly vitamin D pills lol), and I've always spent money in the same patterns. No peaks or valleys.


I'm sorry for writing so much, I just wanted to address everything that I could think of.. I don't have insurance so I can't see a professional any time soon.. And I certainly can't afford paying out of pocket.. I financially support myself now that my mom's passed and I'm still in college. I understand you guys can't actually diagnose me correctly but whatever thoughts you have, feel free to share.. Maybe you went through similar things? Or maybe this is just normal for human beings? Dunno. Thanks ahead of time.

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Who or what am I? by caramellacrisby on Wed Jan 23, 2013 2:15 pm
I have been confused all my life.. like several others... But recently.. I just can not take it any more...
Well.. Most of the time its just- who am I, WHY AM i, WHere AM I... Whats going on..?? What is this place.. this world..?? I must be a human being by this wolrds semiotic system.. i have two hands, head, eyes, etc.. what all other creatures considered as humans have... and there is such life around us.. what we live.. with rules... with manners... how things are supposed to be... well.. it doesnt make much sense to me... i am able to follow this worlds orders on my better moments.. but sometimes im just like- why, wtf?? Why should i..
Sometimes again I live normal life.. according to this world... I can pretend like normal human being.. i can even forget for some time... my confusion.. but it comes back...
I have had moments of horror... When I am afraid of everything.. I can sit in a corner of a room, my back against a wall... or go under blanket.. hide there... from the world... to calm down...
Then I have moments of emptyness... when i think.. that not even moving my hand.. inhaling.. its not worth it.. as there is no point... whats the point to eat, to walk.. to put one lef in front of another.. to move on.. what for? why to buy a new computer, why to go to work.. why to study? why to function in this world...
im not sad... i dont care... i dont know... i dont see the point...
i do care about others suffering.. i care about sad and heartbroken or lonely people, sick people in pain, hungry animals.. etc... but what can i do for them? nothing.. i cant help myself...
i have started to avoid people and social events.. its not that i can not enjoy them.. i dont know how to even behave there... they dance and drink and talk.. but im thinking- whats the point?
I can still enjoy some emotional movies or books.. they get me off my confusion.. but real life.. not any more..
i used to have some good friends and we had fun.. we were traveling and doing things together...
now i want to be alone.. hide from worls and people...
i used to feel like in Robbie Williams song-
I dont wanna die, but I aint keen on living either...
but now Im feeling...
I dont want to live this world and this life, but Im afraid of death too...

So, I dont really know what to do... I can not die, I can not live.. Im just a empty soul... somewhere... somehow...

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