Im really looking for help, just insight from people who have been through this tough and stressful road... (Cant afford, to see a therapist at the moment, insurance doesn't cover lol)
21, young..
I love people... I would give my last dollar to someone who says they need it.
Have trouble keeping a job, but getting one is easy as cake, I just get bored real quick..

Now that we've been introduced,

For a few years now I've been struggling with panic attacks and high stress...at first it was just that id get dizzy and start panicking, and my heart would feel like I was just lifting a fridge. ha

But as the years progressed I started looking up things like schizophrenia, and ADD and OCD, and for about a year and a half now my obsession with being scizo has consumed me... what sucks is that I developed a mean phobia of people doing things to my food.. I was afraid someone had done something to things prepared for me if it be in a dinner or already packaged food.. I would come home and think, what if someone broke in and tampered with the food my mom made.. Or if the delivery guy was late, did he do something to the food... I stopped eating mushrooms (because of the fear that I may eat a magic shroom lol ) I lost alot of weight because of this...lol Which would bring me to the conclusion ( and i know self diagnosing myself is bad) but that i may be scizo...

Well I started attacking my fears head on, and began eating again, anything, and everything... Things got better.. and worse. I still get the occasional panic attack but my mind is now consumed by other thoughts regarding me being scizo for other reasons now...

My mind is stuck on the what if idea that one day I snap and kill someone, or hurt someone i love.. My attention has been targeted to one person, (for a small period of time) then sometimes just anyone.. i started to push myself away from sharp objects and such.. STOPPED that early. ( i knew that once i went down that road id be screwed with more weight to carry.)

I also read that if you loose emotion towards these ideas, and instead of fearing them you become excited, or question what if you might just enjoy murder, that you may be deranged. So I (being the hypochondriac that I am) started to question this as well.. I get these weird and obsessive thoughts but now I try to laugh bout it and keep moving but i cant tell if im just getting better or tricking myself and just getting worse....

I also adopt symptoms as i read them, like i read that someone with scizo will have difficulty speaking or writing, or doing certain things, or they may hear noises or see things, so I began finding myself watching myself, (and almost forcibly) started having difficulty with speaking, or seeing things out the corners of my eyes, or hearing things around my house... I feel great when i write or talk about it, i just want to know if anyone is on the same boat as me. Am i crazy, is this normal OCD, or am I wierder than i think lol. I can get a job, I have no difficulty getting woman, Im kind of a metro sexual so i take a little to much care of myself, I like to talk, i can get along with anyone..Im just so lost rite about now, I want out of this fear, and what feels like limbo!!!

What scares me the most out of all of this is that i know how to write well, and speak well, maybe my grammar is horrific on this little yahoo answers piece, but when i really want to throw down i can... And thats what scares me, am i sane, and just obsessing over being crazy or just crazy pretending to sane...?

please leave a line, much love
Richie

Hi there.
You may call me Bunnie. I am a 23 year old female who is recently married. While I am completely happy and content with my life, I still carry a lot of baggage on a daily basis and need somewhere to go to write and vent. My mother is believed to have extreme narcissistic personality disorder and has been diagnosed multiple times with bipolar disorder. However, because of her narcissism, any treatment is slapped away. She cannot maintain a stable lifestyle, a job, and refuses to pay rent. She recently got arrested for exactly that and any other information regarding her is simply my grandparents and I digging around trying to find something out.

My sister, half sister to be exact, is a 19 year old "mother" of two who recently had her children taken from her by DCS and relocated to a loving family trying their best to deal with the cases appropriately and cooperate with her while she gets her life together. However, her priorities and terrible attitude is questionable regardless of what she claims. She has been told to do numerous things all of which she either ignores or makes sure she does the minimum. I would have dismissed all of this a long time ago and moved on with my life if I didn't care so much. I want the best because our mother never provided anything for her. I want my nephews to have a good life and to have their mother. It is these reasons that I have tried to be the appropriate rock, but her attitude and my limited affect on this situation, legally, makes it that much harder.

Every day I struggle with my role in all of this. I want the best for everyone. I want them to get the help they need. But the stress of it all effects my life on a daily basis. My life is great. I have a stable job and my husband and I are starting our own business. I am a photographer and he is a videographer/producer. If we continue on the path that we are on, we will be highly successful.

Which is why I had to find somewhere to turn to vent and give me direction. I need to deal with this appropriately and help who I can where I can without causing more damage than I am helping.

I have had blogs over the years but none that I felt comfortable truly venting in. Nowhere that gave me proper feedback or guidance. I came here because I feel like this is where I can find that. Because I definitely need it.

-HMD

Hello, I am a slightly troubled teenager. All my life (besides my ADHD) I didn't really think I had any psychiatric problems. Then, when I was 13 years old, I stumbled upon conduct and antisocial personality disorder when I was browsing the internet. Intrigued by the similarities I had with the disorders (conduct disorder since I'm not 18). My symptoms tend to be more related to primary psychopathy (high functioning antisocial personality disorder) than conduct related though.

. I am unable to form real connections with others (including family), and only make friends for monetary, reputable, or general control purposes.
. I enjoy causing pain and am aggressive, which has caused me to get into a lot of fights.
. I am manipulative, and don't have symptoms of lying, which has allowed me to get people to do things for me, and has gotten me out of psychiatric evaluation multiple times
. I have a group of "friends" (slaves), that are stupid, violent, and easily manipulative, that I get to fight with others, and generally intimidate people since I am pretty weak and don't want to get in trouble.
. I have VERY high self worth, and think everyone I know is below me. I want to control people.
. Whenever I see a person in pain (even if I caused it), I feel nothing.
. I never understood why people feel guilty, since I have never felt guilt for any of my actions.
. I don't understand altruism and have no desire to help others.

If I do have conduct disorder, I have already learned how to blend in reasonably well. I am also very intelligent (My IQ is 157). I would really like for people who actually have conduct disorder to see if my symptoms show signs (not a professional diagnosis obviously) of conduct disorder.

My boyfriend has been in this really bad place for the past couple of weeks. He says that he doesn't feel like himself (or act like himself) & that he feels like 'nothing'. He's saying that he doesn't feel like a friend or a boyfriend. And that he feels nothing towards our relationship, even though he loves me like crazy. He just feels nothing towards everything right now.

Because of this he wants us to take a break from our relationship so he can focus on himself and getting better. He wants to do it alone.

I am really worried about him. I can't just leave him to battle this on his own when i'm the only one that knows he's in this bad place.

Even though we are on a break I really want to be there for him and help him. I just don't know how...

Hi, I'm a new member and have registered in the hope of finding a better understanding and hopefully some peace regarding my intimate relationship with my half sister.

I was adopted at birth and met my biological mother and two half sisters 6 years ago (I was 38 at the time). My two half sisters (the eldest was 28 and the youngest was 25) (and no-one else) never knew of my existence. After my mother disclosed and discussed my "re-appearance" with them, we met for the first time in 2006. From the very first moment, there was a very special bond between my eldest half sister and me. Although I dearly love my youngest half sister and we have a great relationship, which is very supportive and loving, we do not have a physical attraction to each other and we do not share the same level of emotional "understanding" that I share with my eldest half sister.

From the first moment on, my eldest half sister and I shared an amazing bond. I live in a different country to them (my mother and two half sisters), but each time we get to see each other, we have an ability to enter each other's souls in an instant, as if we have never been apart. The "connection" between us has always contained an element of physical attraction, but we never acted on it, nor discussed it. In each other's presence, we were however always stunned by the fact that no-one else picked up on it, since it always felt (and still does) like it was almost "tangible".

In 2008, our relationship became sexual and on each trip since then, we have enjoyed the most amazing intimate moments both she and I have ever experienced. First and foremost, we are truly soul mates and we share an acceptance of each other, that neither of us have ever experienced anywhere else. Our physical relationship is not our primary attraction, but flows from the amazing intimacy we share emotionally. If it were possible and because of society's views regarding relationships like these, we'd choose to exist as "just" half brother and sister, but we both understand that we'd be lying to ourselves if we pretended this to be true.

We are both Christians and love our churches and our communities. I don't have a problem with our relationship in view of my relationship with God, but my sister does struggle with it from time to time. We also understand the consequences (perhaps not fully) of our relationship, both in a community and in our family.

We have not shared our relationship with anyone and my hope is to enter into meaningful discussion regarding our situation, so that I may better understand our options. There is so much more to say, but this will do for a start.