Thank you for your time
I am currently a male upperclassmen in high school. My grades are... For lack of a more accurate word bad, I have about a 2.0 cumulative. I used to want to be a 2d animator you know like cartoons. When I think about it that goal it is as far as can be from my reach. About a year and 4 months ago I saw this girl who is now the only thing I think about, I talk to her In very small conversations daily, she is the only reason I even want to go to school when I'm in class I zone out and just think about her I would do anything, everything, and more to make her smile. I go home from school too depressed that I'm not more to her than just someone to talk to for ten-twenty minutes and forget my homework and just think about her, cry for a few hours. Then my mother gets home and it's time for me to fake a smile and make sure she never worries about me. I usually talk to friends on skype which surprisingly takes my mind off of her a little bit, then nighttime comes and I'm back in bed crying,shaking, tired but too scared of how bad my depression may get if I don't keep working for her I've even caught myself whispering her name and talking about how much I love her when I'm in this state. So I'm trapped in this cycle, I ignore school and think of her then I remember she's the one and only thing I would ever work for and my grades just keep dropping. The one funny thing, nobody knows I have this problem, I seem so mentally stable, and I have plenty of friends, I'm only lonely because i avoid talking to people sometimes so I can just lay in bed and think about her. I had brought this problem to a different site and I was banned within a day (I must've swore or something) and I felt like nobody could help me, i have 3 ways I think of my life going, either I end up with this girl that I would be as loyal as a dog too, I somehow manage to pursue my dream of being an animator, or I don't end up with her and my depression takes over, and It scares me so much. Please just give me feedback, I need this help I feel empty.

I've been looking everywhere online for advice, and everyone I talk to says I should go to some sort of psychotherapy. I don't know about it, though.. I finally had the courage to tell my sister what's been going on - I've been hallucinating, I can't sleep too well (3 hours a night is my current average), I get very nauseated whenever I eat so I've lost a significant amount of weight. There's headaches, dizziness, fear (of nothing, really), anxiety, trembling, it's hard to breathe sometimes, too. I had a panic attack about two weeks ago, it lasted for maybe fifteen minutes. My dad says he used to have panic attacks, and I read somewhere that it's more likely for me if it runs in the family. I can't stand being alone because these hallucinations get worse when I am. I'm also being cold(-hearted) lately towards my mom and sister. I feel very anxious -at night especially- and self harm calms me down. I started scratching my wrists and digging my nails into them. I don't want to do this, but it's become very addicting and even soothing. My sister wants me to see a psychiatrist, and put me on anti- depressants. What should I do about this? Please help.

Im a 19 year old male, believe it or not studying psychology at university. I just cant seem to find myself! I thought university would change this with me living away from home, i thought it would be the part of my life where i would blossom but no, nothings changed.
I have zero confidence, i cant talk to people, i shy away all the time. Ive always been an attractive person, but the exterior just doesnt reflect whats inside. I dont have many friends atall, i know alot of people and people know me but know one that i could actually get into a deep coversation with. One thing that is worrying me alot is the excessive alcohol im drinking, I drink quite often as i believe it gives me more confidence, i am able to conversate with people and actually feel like i have a purpose. Im not an alcoholic as i can take it or leave it but i do feel that if i do not start to get help i will end up turning to drink.
My family is pretty messed up to be honest, my mother is amazing but shes just under so much preassure with work and helping my sister who is a single mother and battleing a cannabis and alcohol addiction. I just dont want to talk to her and put more worries into her head, she wouldnt deal with it. my mother has been on anti-depressents for as long as i can remember.
I feel like i am really blabbing on here but this is the first time ive actually been able to think about the way i feel and what crap is actually in my head. Its getting to the stage where i just dont know which direction i am going in or how to get there. I am not suicidal but the thought has crossed my mind a few times.
I know by writing this im not going to be instantly fixed/cured but it has helped alot, im not asking for answers, just maybe someone to talk to or someone with advice.

Thankyou for taking the time to read this.
Mike

I am Hartlepool_lad, I have tried to type my experience on the blog about seven or eight times but each time I have erased it, the abusive voice in my head yells at me that no one is interested in my story and that I am alone, pathetic and other words that have been planted in my mind which I don't wish to reveal at the moment.

My systematic mental and physical destruction was to start almost immediately, I couldn't call or meet friends I had to explain where I'd been why I'd had to go there and what I had been doing while there and who had I spoken to, my phone and internet were checked as were my texts and e-mails. Bank account details were demanded and checked almost daily and a reason had to be forthcoming if I had withdrawn money, receipts were checked if I had paid for anything with my card, I was cut off from contacting family as she would put it “this is the only family that matters to you now” this was being constantly shored up with abuse of the type that I was crap at what I do, a useless person and painful insults that I can only shudder at now, I was verbally abused everyday, physically abused every day, I have been beaten, punched, kicked, humiliated, stabbed, had buckets of hot bleach thrown over me her aggression hightened if the house wasn't clean enough the dish washer hadn't been emptied or the ironing hadn't been done exactly how she wanted, constant accusations of infidelity, squandering money, being a useless person.

Then the torture of previous relationships started, I was given full and frank details of all the one night stands she'd had, I was informed by an ex friend of hers that she'd had threesomes and multiple encounters in one weekend.

She would regale me with the sordid details of these encounters and once estimated she'd had in excess of two hundred that she could remember and not counting the drunken one night stands she couldn't, all the while telling me that I was worthless, useless, a crap person etc.

It all came to a head in September 2005 when after months and years of such brutal torment the stress levels had reached such levels that my brain shut down for three days, I didn't know who I was, anything about myself, what I did for a job, my past anything.

I was diagnosed with P.T.S.D. Dissociative Amnesia, severe depression, social phobia and I have lost everything, my memories of my life are just shadows, the event is, as always right at the front of my eyes, she still haunts my mind and still continues to influence me inside my head, I have no respite.

Hartlepool_lad.

Hi, I'm a new member and have registered in the hope of finding a better understanding and hopefully some peace regarding my intimate relationship with my half sister.

I was adopted at birth and met my biological mother and two half sisters 6 years ago (I was 38 at the time). My two half sisters (the eldest was 28 and the youngest was 25) (and no-one else) never knew of my existence. After my mother disclosed and discussed my "re-appearance" with them, we met for the first time in 2006. From the very first moment, there was a very special bond between my eldest half sister and me. Although I dearly love my youngest half sister and we have a great relationship, which is very supportive and loving, we do not have a physical attraction to each other and we do not share the same level of emotional "understanding" that I share with my eldest half sister.

From the first moment on, my eldest half sister and I shared an amazing bond. I live in a different country to them (my mother and two half sisters), but each time we get to see each other, we have an ability to enter each other's souls in an instant, as if we have never been apart. The "connection" between us has always contained an element of physical attraction, but we never acted on it, nor discussed it. In each other's presence, we were however always stunned by the fact that no-one else picked up on it, since it always felt (and still does) like it was almost "tangible".

In 2008, our relationship became sexual and on each trip since then, we have enjoyed the most amazing intimate moments both she and I have ever experienced. First and foremost, we are truly soul mates and we share an acceptance of each other, that neither of us have ever experienced anywhere else. Our physical relationship is not our primary attraction, but flows from the amazing intimacy we share emotionally. If it were possible and because of society's views regarding relationships like these, we'd choose to exist as "just" half brother and sister, but we both understand that we'd be lying to ourselves if we pretended this to be true.

We are both Christians and love our churches and our communities. I don't have a problem with our relationship in view of my relationship with God, but my sister does struggle with it from time to time. We also understand the consequences (perhaps not fully) of our relationship, both in a community and in our family.

We have not shared our relationship with anyone and my hope is to enter into meaningful discussion regarding our situation, so that I may better understand our options. There is so much more to say, but this will do for a start.