Hello, I am a slightly troubled teenager. All my life (besides my ADHD) I didn't really think I had any psychiatric problems. Then, when I was 13 years old, I stumbled upon conduct and antisocial personality disorder when I was browsing the internet. Intrigued by the similarities I had with the disorders (conduct disorder since I'm not 18). My symptoms tend to be more related to primary psychopathy (high functioning antisocial personality disorder) than conduct related though.

. I am unable to form real connections with others (including family), and only make friends for monetary, reputable, or general control purposes.
. I enjoy causing pain and am aggressive, which has caused me to get into a lot of fights.
. I am manipulative, and don't have symptoms of lying, which has allowed me to get people to do things for me, and has gotten me out of psychiatric evaluation multiple times
. I have a group of "friends" (slaves), that are stupid, violent, and easily manipulative, that I get to fight with others, and generally intimidate people since I am pretty weak and don't want to get in trouble.
. I have VERY high self worth, and think everyone I know is below me. I want to control people.
. Whenever I see a person in pain (even if I caused it), I feel nothing.
. I never understood why people feel guilty, since I have never felt guilt for any of my actions.
. I don't understand altruism and have no desire to help others.

If I do have conduct disorder, I have already learned how to blend in reasonably well. I am also very intelligent (My IQ is 157). I would really like for people who actually have conduct disorder to see if my symptoms show signs (not a professional diagnosis obviously) of conduct disorder.

Obviously I'm going to know the answer, it's just I want to hear another persons opinion.
I'm a 16 year old girl and I like fantasizing about things, sometimes it's actually meaningful and sweet, then sometimes it's just dirty sex with this guy I have been dreaming about lately.
I dunno what drives me, but it turns me on so much to be "dominant" over the person, not like "chains and whips" (No, not at ALL) but in a way that the other person can't say "no" to?
Who knows, I'm pretty sure I'm a pervert but I don't really know why or how I became one.
(^-^)

Until recently, I never viewed my introversion as much of problem. I was told at work that I "need to be more social". This really struck a cord with me because I never thought that as I began my adult life my introversion may limit my success . So I decided to start this blog and chronicle my journey of becoming 'more social'.

Why are you so quiet? He must me hiding something...

Now this is easier said than done of course. My whole life people have been telling me, 'you're so quiet', 'you should talk more' or my new favorite 'be more social'. It's gotten to the point where some people feel uncomfortable around me because I'm so quiet. What is it that makes them so uncomfortable? Is it that my behavior or lack there of, is so unusual they just can't stand it? Is it that I'm some psycho who's going to snap at any moment? Is it the natural human tendency to be afraid of someone who's not like you? Not my problem right? They should be more understanding. Well unfortunately in a world of extroverts it is my problem. As much as I would love to live in a world where everyone accepts each other the way they are, that's just not reality. It's an extroverts world and if I'm going to thrive and not just survive, I've got to get to work and figure something out. So I'm going to be more 'social'. I'm not sure what that will look like, but in the following months, if not years, I will try and look deeper into the complex relationship that introverts and extroverts have and attempt different strategies for becoming more 'social'.

Why is it that quiet people make others feel uncomfortable?

Please share your thoughts.

So i've never written a post ever on any forum, ever, and since things have changed for me recently, i'd decide to give this a go. Might not come back to this but i want to get whats in my head out there and see if anyone has anything to say about me and my problems.
My problems: I care about my family too much. I'm almost certain that I have depression, mild anxiety and a myriad of other mental health problems but I've never been properly diagnosed because I care about my family too much to have them worry about me at all. I also come from a culture where mental health is not a 'real' problem, but rather a thing for the weak or the bored.
I think about death a lot BUT i'm not suicidal. I'm fine with death and i'm not scared of it but I would never be able to go through with it as long as my parents are alive because I can't put them through all that pain. If they died though, I would have not much of a reason to keep going, but that is not the point of this post.
I've always been very aware of my issues and i've always been able to talk myself down in my head like there was a third person that tells the two conflicting voices in my head what to do. This third voice sounds like a trusty friend, insightful parent, or even a advising counsellor, when i think about it. This voice knows what people views as normal and suppresses my arguing voices to make me seem 'normal'. It usually takes effort but I know it works because everyone thinks I'm still this smiley, happy girl, which really hasn't been the case since about 7 years ago (when my first encounter of death in the family happened)
My dog (who's been with me for almost 15 years) died yesterday and I was sad but it wasn't a fearful, regretful sadness. It was more of a "i'll miss you" and "we've spent good time together" happy sadness, though it was really sudden and shocking. I still miss him but I don't think I'm doing too bad. My parents on the other hand haven't been able to sleep, eat, not spontaneously cry, and not talk about morbidity every couple of hours. They also hug me a lot because they think its comforting for me, and probably themselves too.
I guess what I'm saying is that is it weird that I'm so aware of what I'm almost sure I have? Does this mean I don't have these mental health issues because it doesn't really affect my daily life and I know what triggers it, how to control it, and what works/doesn't work? Do other people with mental health issues experience this too?
An analogy (if you're still reading): I deal with my problems like dealing with my period. When it starts, I know what I can do to not let it leak out for the world to see. I know what the best way to deal with the dirty pad/tampon is, to chuck it out (feeling all my feelings/non-feelings but in a physical location where no one will see me then throw them out or at least leave them where they can't be seen). I clean up after myself and flush the bloody mess away (make sure no one can physically see or pick out that I have problems at any point of any time)
What do you think?

Im really looking for help, just insight from people who have been through this tough and stressful road... (Cant afford, to see a therapist at the moment, insurance doesn't cover lol)
21, young..
I love people... I would give my last dollar to someone who says they need it.
Have trouble keeping a job, but getting one is easy as cake, I just get bored real quick..

Now that we've been introduced,

For a few years now I've been struggling with panic attacks and high stress...at first it was just that id get dizzy and start panicking, and my heart would feel like I was just lifting a fridge. ha

But as the years progressed I started looking up things like schizophrenia, and ADD and OCD, and for about a year and a half now my obsession with being scizo has consumed me... what sucks is that I developed a mean phobia of people doing things to my food.. I was afraid someone had done something to things prepared for me if it be in a dinner or already packaged food.. I would come home and think, what if someone broke in and tampered with the food my mom made.. Or if the delivery guy was late, did he do something to the food... I stopped eating mushrooms (because of the fear that I may eat a magic shroom lol ) I lost alot of weight because of this...lol Which would bring me to the conclusion ( and i know self diagnosing myself is bad) but that i may be scizo...

Well I started attacking my fears head on, and began eating again, anything, and everything... Things got better.. and worse. I still get the occasional panic attack but my mind is now consumed by other thoughts regarding me being scizo for other reasons now...

My mind is stuck on the what if idea that one day I snap and kill someone, or hurt someone i love.. My attention has been targeted to one person, (for a small period of time) then sometimes just anyone.. i started to push myself away from sharp objects and such.. STOPPED that early. ( i knew that once i went down that road id be screwed with more weight to carry.)

I also read that if you loose emotion towards these ideas, and instead of fearing them you become excited, or question what if you might just enjoy murder, that you may be deranged. So I (being the hypochondriac that I am) started to question this as well.. I get these weird and obsessive thoughts but now I try to laugh bout it and keep moving but i cant tell if im just getting better or tricking myself and just getting worse....

I also adopt symptoms as i read them, like i read that someone with scizo will have difficulty speaking or writing, or doing certain things, or they may hear noises or see things, so I began finding myself watching myself, (and almost forcibly) started having difficulty with speaking, or seeing things out the corners of my eyes, or hearing things around my house... I feel great when i write or talk about it, i just want to know if anyone is on the same boat as me. Am i crazy, is this normal OCD, or am I wierder than i think lol. I can get a job, I have no difficulty getting woman, Im kind of a metro sexual so i take a little to much care of myself, I like to talk, i can get along with anyone..Im just so lost rite about now, I want out of this fear, and what feels like limbo!!!

What scares me the most out of all of this is that i know how to write well, and speak well, maybe my grammar is horrific on this little yahoo answers piece, but when i really want to throw down i can... And thats what scares me, am i sane, and just obsessing over being crazy or just crazy pretending to sane...?

please leave a line, much love
Richie