Hello everyone!
Some bad things happened in my life lately, and i really don't know what to do anymore. And i can't tell anyone and i really need help... Please help me.
I'm a 16 year old girl. I have an older sister who is 20 years old, but lives in another country. I also had an older brother but he died and i'm the youngest kid of my family. My parents were always good to my siblings, but they always abuse me physcially and mentally. My parents divorced when i was 11 and i started to live with my father. But he was always beating me up, throwing me stuff and yelling at me, saying bad stuff to me and i was really depressed. And everyone was bullying me in school because of my look and it was making me really upset and make me hate myself.
When i turned 13, i started to live with my mom and she got married last year. But she changed a lot after she got married. She started abuse me, she was always talking about how ugly and stupid and lazy i am etc. Then she started to hitting me.
One day my mom and stepdad went out for drinking (they are drunk most of the time already so...) and they came home at like 3 am. And my stepdad tried to rape me. Then i called police, they took him to police station but he didn't go to jail...
After that day, he started to hit me too and my mom wasn't saying anything. I had a lot of scars and bruises on my face and body.
And then they kicked me out from the house because they said they can't take stand me anymore and my dad said he doesn't want me in his home so i'm staying at my friends home for now.
I feel really bad. I wanna run away from all of this and I wanna die. Nobody really cares about me, even my parents. I want to talk to my mom but I can't do it. I don't know what to do.
Btw i'm sorry for my bad English because my first language isn't English and i'm still learning. Thank you so much for reading..

I'm 19 years old and for my entire life I've been having troubles feeling anything at all. I always thought there was some logical and simple explanation to why I wasn't like everyone else, and I assumed it would heal with time, but it didn't. It just keeps getting worse. First let me begin with that I'm completely unable to open up to other people. I have never opened up. To anyone. If I'm even close to doing it I feel disgusted by myself, I get nausea and an urge to flee. I've also never cared like others. I can't really feel empathy. Or I mean, I can, for like animals and my family, but no one else. I'm literally serious when I say my best friend could die tomorrow and I wouldn't be able to feel a thing. Obviously I'd think it's sad, but it wouldn't effect me on an emotional level.

I hide this part of me, and I certainly don't talk about it with anyone. I want to be normal but I just can't. I have tried to involve myself in other people, in relationships, and even - in my sillier moments - in love. But it doesn't work. Something in me is broken or missing. I love my immediate family, but that's about it. I can lie without feeling any kind of remorse, I manipulate people very easily, and when someone really gets on my bad side, I just attack their weaknesses and break them down with words. It's terrible, I know, but I can't stop. Even as I write it, I know I say it's terrible, but I don't feel terrible. I just know that it's not how a person should act. I could never physically hurt another person, but not because it would make me feel bad but more because I know it's wrong.

My condition is just getting worse, I've started to distance myself from everybody because I feel so tired of wearing a mask and constantly faking to like what they like or play their stupid games. I don't love others. I'm incapable of feeling on a deeper level, there are no strong emotions in me. I feel narcisstic but at the same time I hate myself. I can get furious very easily but it goes away as quickly as it comes. I haven't had such a bad childhood but I mean my mother was going through her hardest part of life when I was a kid, and she took it out on me a lot. Sometimes physically but mostly mentally, such as I constantly heard that I was a bad kid, and bad news, and she blamed me for a lot of stuff that wasn't really my fault. She changed and got so much better when I was like 13 or something and now she's the best mom ever and apologized 200 times but I can't seem to let go. It's stuck with me.. I'm seriously worried that my condition will become worse and something bad will happen... What's wrong with me?

WHERE TO START????....OH YEAH, ZEE BEGINNING, LOL>>>>>>>>>> THIS IS LOOOOONG!
Im 23, got diagnosed a month ago after a FAILED suicide attempt....

The day I tried to kill myself was mothers day, it triggered so much and after a telephone conversation with my dad where he was basically telling me to be more open with him, I just lost it.....

I was repeatedly raped from age 6 to 9 by 3 men who some how decided to make me their toy....my biological mother is what you call a ''SHEBEEN QUEEN". She was that drunk lady down you street you always heard stories about, from the many men who come in and out of her house, poor condition of the house and how her kids just had to deal with all this......*depends on where u grew up*.....anyways, she wasnt around most nights and during the day she either slept or tried to fight off her hang over....it felt normal for me, living like that, I didnt know there was any other way a family lived but it all changed when I met my father, at 6 years old......I didnt know I had a father till I met him, I never questioned who my daddy was because I ddnt know what a daddy was........

life was a bit different during the small occassions he would come and buy me gifts, "ILL NEVER FORGET MY 1ST BIKE"....i felt somehow loved when he bought me stuff and gave my mother money and 3 out of 7 nights we had food to eat at home......I really loved my father......school for me is a blur, dont know why, I had different recollections of certain events but its like i slept whenever I went to school and woke up when it was over.......I remember the 3 men who did things to me and threatened me repeatedly but somehow I dont remember doing homework and writing tests at that age.........
I was around 9 when i started visiting my father during school holidays and eventually met my step mother and older brother. i remember how kind and gentle my step mom was and how I tried to sleep with my older brother when I was 9 and how the nanny caught me naked on the floor and my brother standing by the door looking confused..........that episode was not shared with my father or step mother.......I thought all boys touched girls the way the 3 men touched me.......

anyways, long story short, my step mom was a social worker who noticed my weird behaviour around my brother and other male siblings, I dont know how I acted weird as I have never asked ..........my step mom had to literally hit me for me to tell her about the 3 men back at home....I got taken away from my mother and out in a place of safety after many questions and cross examinations.......that year was the best, I had soo much fun, even though I started being a bully........

a year later I started living with my father, wasnt allowed to talk aor see my biological mother and thats when my step mom became "the grinch".......i wasnt allowed to sit alone with my dad and my brother mostly lived with his biological mother.......LONG STORY SHORT: my step mom was emotionally and physically abusing me and my father being a busy business man was not around all the time.....I acted out by bullying kids at school and got into lots of trouble and went from a star student to a barely passing student.....somehow i did well in school when I was living with my mother and when I was at the place of safety.......anyways, I mostly bullied boys, started hating them, purberty came and i hated them more as I ddnt understand why my body was changing and "crushes"........

High school came along and I was put into a boarding school, learnt about sex, drugs and alcohol......my dad was very strict, wasnt allowed to have friends over when i was in primary......my dad did hit me many times when i got into trouble, its his way of discipline....anyways, I failed 1 year in high school barely made it out alive, developed many eating disorders and was obese by the time I finished high school............made friends, and i did love being away...

[ Continued ]

I am a sixteen year old female who is sexually attracted to her own mother. I'm incredibly ashamed of it and I have no idea why I feel this way. I don't find her attractive. And I've actually had an absolutely horrible relationship with her ever since i was 13 and I cannot stand the woman.
Honestly, the relationship is so horrible. I have trouble hearing her voice without getting incredibly pissed off. But recently I've been getting so angry, that I actually become turned on. Now, the littlest things she does that used to make me so angry, now turn me on. For example, the way she handles everything so delicately, how soft her voice is...ect. ect.

I've been feeling this way for about 6 months and its been progressively getting worse. Now I find it invading my thoughts, and being on my mind frequently.
I have struggled with OCD in the past... Obsessive thoughts about things such as incest and bestiality .. but I've never had problems with obsessive thinking AND erotic feelings.

Please. help. I've attempted suicide because of this, and I haven't been able to bring myself to tell my therapist or psychiatrist.
I have looked on some forums saying that feeling sexually attracted to a family member is more common than people realize... which makes me feel a little bit better.

But I would like to know why on earth do I feel this way? And how can I make it go away?

I find that my hardest days are days like today where I wake up just loathing myself. From the moment my eyes open the flood of negative thoughts drown out any positive I can see. In these times even my children laughing and smiling outside my bedroom door cause me tears.
I feel alone, which is hard to do when you live with five other people but there it is. I can never seem to pin point just why some days the pain is so overwhelming and all consuming that lasting the next five minutes seems impossible.
I am worthless, unloved, and discarded. These are the thoughts that are an unending cycle in my mind. The more I attempt to distract myself from these thoughts the more invading they seem.
Any advice out there?