Hi there, I need some help. I am very confused about my Sexuality and not sure whether I am gay or bi, or even straight.

I'll tell you my story, I am from South America and as a kid I messed around with my friends sexually just trying to experiment as it was easier than getting girls... We wanted girls but decided to play around with each other... That was when I was 13-15 I am now 23. We probably spent half a year messing about, if was never emotional or anything like that but just sexual..

I've lived all my life liking girls ever since and have felt love for women too. I've had two Gfs (real ones), the last one I was with for five years and the current one for around 7 months. I've never really looked at guys at all in any emotional way but I do like to mess around with guys sexually.. And have done a few times in the last 6years.. From oral to sex. Most of the time I didn't enjoy it but it was a sexual thing and fancied oral sex... That's as far as it got with men... Just casual sexual encounters... Not often but we could say once ever three or four months... I haven't since with my Gf as I have been truly happy with her and feel deeply in love with her and always have enjoyed her body too.

Around two weeks ago or just a bit less than that I told her about my sexual experiences and that I think I might be bisexual, however since then I have developed somewhat of an ocd, hocd... Re questioning my Sexuality asking myself whether my whole life as straight has been an illusion and even force myself to see myself with a guy. It doesn't really attract me, but I can't say I would never do it as I think if I can sexually be aroused by men too then it means something, and I have not been able to stop forcing myself into thinking if I am gay or not, and that surely I must be if I fantasise about men whilst with women,

I don't understand whether it's something in my head that has caused me to not stop thinking about my sexual orientation or whether I'm gay but have never really seen it until now, the emotional side I mean... And reconfuse myself by acknowledging that I haven't really at all ever felt emotions for guys, but many times for girls.

I guess I need to establish whether I can be straight and then turn gay, or if I'm simply bisexual, or if I just like sex with men too.. And that's it. As that's how it's felt all my life.

I think about everything to do with this, asking myself if it's that I don't want to be gay and I just have forced myself to be straight, but it's hard to put that to ground as I think at least I would have acknowledged emotions for men before, which I truly haven't until all this began.

Any ideas comments would be greatly appreciated.. As I can't even function a normal life atm.. And when I think of being gay and not being with my current Gf it makes me sick as I want to be with her, or maybe I want it that way because it would just be easier?.

So, my step brother took the plea. What now? What happens next? I have been preparing for the worst, and now I'm suppose to be happy? I don't understand.

Im really looking for help, just insight from people who have been through this tough and stressful road... (Cant afford, to see a therapist at the moment, insurance doesn't cover lol)
21, young..
I love people... I would give my last dollar to someone who says they need it.
Have trouble keeping a job, but getting one is easy as cake, I just get bored real quick..

Now that we've been introduced,

For a few years now I've been struggling with panic attacks and high stress...at first it was just that id get dizzy and start panicking, and my heart would feel like I was just lifting a fridge. ha

But as the years progressed I started looking up things like schizophrenia, and ADD and OCD, and for about a year and a half now my obsession with being scizo has consumed me... what sucks is that I developed a mean phobia of people doing things to my food.. I was afraid someone had done something to things prepared for me if it be in a dinner or already packaged food.. I would come home and think, what if someone broke in and tampered with the food my mom made.. Or if the delivery guy was late, did he do something to the food... I stopped eating mushrooms (because of the fear that I may eat a magic shroom lol ) I lost alot of weight because of this...lol Which would bring me to the conclusion ( and i know self diagnosing myself is bad) but that i may be scizo...

Well I started attacking my fears head on, and began eating again, anything, and everything... Things got better.. and worse. I still get the occasional panic attack but my mind is now consumed by other thoughts regarding me being scizo for other reasons now...

My mind is stuck on the what if idea that one day I snap and kill someone, or hurt someone i love.. My attention has been targeted to one person, (for a small period of time) then sometimes just anyone.. i started to push myself away from sharp objects and such.. STOPPED that early. ( i knew that once i went down that road id be screwed with more weight to carry.)

I also read that if you loose emotion towards these ideas, and instead of fearing them you become excited, or question what if you might just enjoy murder, that you may be deranged. So I (being the hypochondriac that I am) started to question this as well.. I get these weird and obsessive thoughts but now I try to laugh bout it and keep moving but i cant tell if im just getting better or tricking myself and just getting worse....

I also adopt symptoms as i read them, like i read that someone with scizo will have difficulty speaking or writing, or doing certain things, or they may hear noises or see things, so I began finding myself watching myself, (and almost forcibly) started having difficulty with speaking, or seeing things out the corners of my eyes, or hearing things around my house... I feel great when i write or talk about it, i just want to know if anyone is on the same boat as me. Am i crazy, is this normal OCD, or am I wierder than i think lol. I can get a job, I have no difficulty getting woman, Im kind of a metro sexual so i take a little to much care of myself, I like to talk, i can get along with anyone..Im just so lost rite about now, I want out of this fear, and what feels like limbo!!!

What scares me the most out of all of this is that i know how to write well, and speak well, maybe my grammar is horrific on this little yahoo answers piece, but when i really want to throw down i can... And thats what scares me, am i sane, and just obsessing over being crazy or just crazy pretending to sane...?

please leave a line, much love
Richie

I am Rose, an alter of Anna. She is 15, I am 16. I am always with her, watching, observing what happens. I control her memories and what she remembers. I know all of her memories from the very beginning, and I can, at times, come out to act as a co-Host. I know everything she's gone through , and I act as a leader between all of the alters. I can, at times, control who it is that comes forward. I am their manager and leader. Rage is the hardest to control, because she can draw a line of destruction whenever and wherever she is. She is filled with bottled up anger and rage that was never dealt with all our life. Should I be scared? No, she's only trying to protect our system. I feel more afraid of Echo, because he's always crying and I'm scared that he'll one day give into the darkness.

Everyone thinks that they suffer alone from our schizophrenia, but we all suffer from it equally. Even Anna suffers from it, seeing and hearing people as if she were on acid. Rae is only angered and annoyed, but Brian, whom is the most affected by it, is made to feel even more afraid than he already is all the time. Brian is a moderately autistic 18 year old with the mind of a 5 year old. He enjoys wearing shorts and faded salmon shirts. He fears everyone and everything. He is the most affected because he is so young mentally and is suffering from autism.

Brian was made in the hospital, after being restrained for days. Rae was made after being in the inpatient psychiatric unit for a month. Rage was made from years of bottled up rage. Echo was made from an event Anna went through while she was only nine; thus, the reason that Echo is permanently nine. I was made, as a mute, mature girl, from years of being told not to speak about the horrors I've faced.

hi i am new to this sight and just wanted to say that i have depression and problems with people and talking i am a cutter and very suicidal. so i kinda need some help and ideas on anything that could help me. i am only 18 and im a very shy girl