I saw that people on this website are able to have a blog, and I took that opportunity. Though I may not have much experience with blogging--besides having a tumblr account--I love to write. Amd I'd like to document everything that happens to me.

My name is Maggie. I'm an 18 year old caucasian (biological) female. I do prefer male pronouns, but not many people acknowledge that.

Thus far, my significant other (Autumn) and I have met two alters. The most prominent alter's name is Reiner. To my embarrassment, he is a character from the anime "Attack on Titan". Reiner Braun is a rather tall, muscular blonde boy. If you want more information on the character, check the anime's wiki.

He is friendly most of the time, but he can be pretty aggressive or sad or angry or confused or frustrated... He's an alter. He's a person... Kind of. I like to think that he is his own person.

Strangely enough, I've spoken to him, before. A few nights ago, I switched to Reiner mode. Autumn told me that he was freaking out and panicking and speaking in German. (For the record, I only know how to say a few things in German.) Somehow, in the midst of his anxiety attack, my mind showed up. I felt as if he was sitting directly next to me... And I started speaking to him (in English). After a while of using Google Translate and trying to calm him down, he began speaking in English, again. Reiner was talking to Autumn and me about what was bothering him, why he was so afraid... This experience was one of the weirdest and scariest things I've ever been through.

(TRIGGER WARNING BELOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I've been raped, molested, and I found my mother dead. This felt equal to all of those things. Maybe it shouldn't have been up that high, but it definitely was.

(TRIGGER WARNING IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

The past few days and nights, I've been able to speak to him. The three of us--Reiner, Autumn, and myself--have a pretty good relationship. For some reason, though, last night, I completely forgot about everything. I forgot the progress we had made by somehow getting my two personalities to interact... Everything. After Autumn tried to remind me for half an hour, I remembered everything. And I'm glad.

My other alter, we found, is a 28 year old woman named Scarlette. She is, apparently, a kindergarten teacher. Autumn really hates her and claims that Scarlette is a b****. "She's one of those women who believe themselves to be 'cool' and 'one with the teens'." I don't exactly blame Autumn for disliking Scarlette. We don't know much else about this alter, besides the fact that she likes pigs and the color teal.

Thank you so much for reading... If you have anything to say or ask, please do so!

If you wanted to email me, my email is tamakisrose@gmail.com . Thank you!

I love you. You're important.

♡

I'm a teen girl and a bit confused. I've looked up on this and read stories similar to mine but not exactly the same. As long as I have remembered I would get crushed on boys and even had a boyfriend not long ago. I remember having friends that were girls and loved being around them, especially if they had a great personality but that's all..when I got with my boyfriend, it was great at first and I knew I liked him because I always got butterflies around him and he always made me smile without even saying anything. At the same time I was gaining a best friend and we we're getting really close really fast. She became like a sister to me and I loved her, like a sister nothing else. Later on I began to loose interest in my boyfriend and was getting stressed out because I didn't want to hurt him and break up with him so I stood with him for almost a year but towards the end we didn't really talk and I was stressing out. My friend was there through it all, when I was stressing out because me and my bf weren't talking later that day she was the one making me laugh, smile, and feel happy again. Because of it I got the feeling of wanting to protect her as much as possible and promising her I'd always be there for her like she is for me. She knew I wa having boyfriend problems because I didn't like him anymore yet we we're still together, she encouraged me to break up with him saying I'd be better off without him. At school we acted like really close friends but outside of school either at volleyball practice at home she acted a bit different. She acted more silly when it was just us and always laughed at anything I did, be it I mess up or just being clumsy. soon I began getting tongue-tied talking to her because she kept eye contact the whole conversation, something I couldn't do. So I would look away for a second while we were talking and when I'd look back she still would be watching me, trying to hide a smile which started giving me butterflies. these little feelings have been getting stronger & I don't know what's happening. We promised each other we'd be there for each other always, she's so close to me and my family and me with hers. At school I don't have any classes with her this year and try to be with her as much as possible, I just really love her company, even if it's less than 5 minutes. If I see her this force makes me call her, it literally feels like a physical force, and when I call her I see her turn and when she sees me she always smiles. Seeing her smile always makes me happy and when I'm not with her I can't wait to see her. I'm starting to miss her very easily and sort of get jealous when she's with her other friends, one in particular. When she's with that one particular friend and Im there it's like I don't exist yet later when she's gone Im the one she stays close by to, even if there's other people we talk to with us. I've told her "I love you" and she actually said "I love you too" but it was at night when we were going to sleep, I wasn't sure if she actually meant it or she was half-asleep when she said it. Another thing is that when we sleep together in the middle of the night she always ends up cuddled next to me, her arm around me like she's hugging me, honestly It's something I look forward to whenever she spends the night, even if she is asleep when she does it. If I don't she her for a while I swear I get depressed. These feelings have just been getting stronger since I broke up with my bf. I still get crushes on guys yet she always manages to get stuck on my mind, I don't know whats going on....I feel like im in love with someone I shouldn't be in love with. Help?

I unfriended my depressed friend. She was very demanding and refused to accept criticisms, but she tried to be a friend, and that's what makes me feel guilty. She has depression and anxiety, but I'm not the kind of person who's patient and understanding enough to deal with someone who gets angry at constructive criticisms and isn't willing to help herself. She asked me if I only befriended her out of pity, and I said "yeah a little" because I'm a very straightforward person and I'm not a very "empathetic" person per say, and yes that's a horrible thing to say, but I wanted out of the friendship that made me so anxious and unhappy all the time. Our friendship lasted for about 2 years, which was rather long considering that I only befriended her out of pity. It ended unhappily, with her telling me that I was selfish, but I know I couldn't put up a fake front anymore and I feel more liberated than sorry. Can someone tell me if what I did was right? Ending the friendship? I wanted to be a more understanding friend as well and attempted to make it last, but she really made me lose my head, any advice on that?

What am i if I like watching a black man have not just my gf, but want to watch black men with anypetite white female, but lately my fantasies have been about watching big black men with young white girls that are 7-10. This is a uncommon fetish. Some one tell me what this would be called. If I had a label I could get help of understanding why I have this fantasy and try to control it. Don't like it because I have Shane a guilty feelings after I masterbate.

First of all I would like to apologize because this is going to be really long so I would like to say I really appreciate you reading this till the end and trying to help.

Since november I have been having flashbacks and thoughts of everything I have done wrong in my life, and now that I think about it those things are absolutely horrible.

To start with typical things normal people would have heard of before, I've done things like cheating on boyfriends, lying to parents, sneaking out etc... I lost my virginity at 15 years old with a 21 year old guy and also had sex with a 28 year old who lied to me about his age, which disgusts me when I thought about it.

Now more weird things, as a kid, I would always lie. I would like about everything. I would lie about having cancer, about having relationships with celebrities ( I would even make fake accounts and catfish people) , about being anorexic, i even catfished a real person in real life to show people and pretend he was flirting with me. I lied about having a brother that died, about people I knew, places I went to etc... I don't know why, can anyone help me figure out why I would like so much?

Now the darkest part is sexual. As a child I remember making my dog eat me out. Of course at that time I didn't really know what i was doing but now i see it's bestiality and I can't get over what I did. Likewise, I've been recalling sexual games I would play as a kid which really mess with my mind. I remember licking my cousins' vagina because she said she wanted me to. I also remenber pretending to be asleep while my cousins and sisters licked my breasts because I liked the feeling of it. Is this sexual abuse? Also, I remember once i asked my sister to touch me down there and my dad walked in the room before she did and stopped us. I don't know what to do about this because everytime I see my sister all i think about is if i sexually abused her and why I would do something like that with her.

So when recalling all those wrong things I have been really bad anxiety since and I'm not too sure what's happening. Along with his comes thoughts I don't want to have that I just can't stop. I keep on thinking in my head that I have been raped and my body feels so unsafe even though I know it isnt true, the feeling is still there. I get thoughts about harming people and myself all of the time, I get thoughts about violence and sexual stuff, and i don't know why. I have read online that this might be OCD which could make sense as I recall having weird 'if i don't do this then this will happen" things as a child. For example:

" If i don't run down the corridor in less than 10 seconds then my mum will die in the future"

a lot of games like that in my head that I see now might have been the start of this.

I just do not understand at all what is going on in my head right now and why these thoughts don't stop. I can't figure out if i have been raped or if it's my imagination playing with me because i have no memory and i have been to the extent of asking family members who said no and gave me support. I can't figure out why i started thinking about all my mistakes all of a sudden. Please help me figure out whats happening?