Everyone has a dream no matter how simple it is or impossible to achieve we do the best we can to achieve it in a good way of course. As a young girl my dream was to get married in church, have children, have a house, a steady income and so on and so forth. You know what I'm saying. My first husband was very dedicated and ambitious. He was an excellent provider and I always knew I could count on him. The demise of my first marriage was lacking the skill of understanding of a wife and being supportive. Although, we were blessed with 2 great sons I didn't give it my all. I was so confident in fact overly confident that since we had everything that I became so comfortable. After 15 years of marriage it ended due to lack of things in my part like communication and just being a wife. It was a devastating experience but, only when I stepped back did realize he was always reaching out to me but I was not emotionally available. Although, there was a different type of love it was more of respect I had for him. While the divorce was in process I dipped my toes in the dating scene to realize that boy oh boy it was so different way back then when men will come over to your house, court you, bring you presents and ask your parents permission. Now it became more of a meat market. For a few years I enjoyed it. After 3 years my divorce was finalized. But, the dating scene made me feel more empty that finding a man is quite difficult a good one I should say. With so many options, technology and how society views a relationship which was a hush hush before was just normal. Of course due to my religious belief I never stopped praying and hoping that someday I will be blessed with the right man more so a man of God. As I continue my search I was asked to meet a man by my room mate’s best friend who happens to be her best friend’s room mate. I was hesitant for I already have set my standards of what I wanted and who I wanted to be man of God, ethnicity wise, height, education, looks, financial status, morals, loyalty, fidelity and values you name it I had it written down. When I met this man he was 40 and the first thing he said he just got home at 5am for he was in the club with friends in their 20's. That, not to sound judgmental should be the first big red flag. He was grilling some meat and as soon as it was cooked he was serving everyone and making sure all the ladies were taken care of red flag number 2. As the afternoon dies and getting closer to the evening he wanted to talk to me more. We sat down he told me he is separated although his family is in San Diego him and his wife still share one house but separate bedroom because they have 2 daughters. Then we started praying together now that one was a big plus for me since most of the man I dated either doesn't believe in God or doesn't practice their religion at all. I really liked him. He sent me roses at work and we would talk on the phone for hours. From that day we were inseparable. Everything happened so quick we moved in together and got a place. After 4 months I noticed he placed some ads and searching on craigslist for fun. That should be red flag number 3. I never did confronted him until I found out on his face book which he posted our pictures that he has strings of women again red flag number 4. That same year he filed for divorce and the ink wasn't dry on his divorce papers he wanted us to get married before 2010 ended. I was happy don't get me wrong but quite confused as to what the rush was since our sponsors will be in Bahamas and won't be back until first week of January 2011 found out due to taxes that may have been red flag number 5 but I was aware about it but I still filed Married filing separate. The course of our marriage was very chaotic since his daughter moved in with us she still couldn't grasp the divorce that happened to her parents even if both have their own partners. For months I subjected my self with verbal abuse and demeaning things both my second husband and his daughter. English may not be my first language and I have a slight accent but not to a point that one wouldn't understand what I was saying. They will gang up on me and he condones all the belittling and disrespect his daughter does red flag number 6. Since he knew I wanted to get married in church we did towards the end of that year. During 2010 was the first physical abuse I got and it progressed until I left in December 2012. He was no longer loving, very distant, our fights became bad which will always leave me upset and in tears. I really love this man. Our constant fight was about women, his daughters and him MIA while I am asleep or at work. All these time besides my best friend Cyndi was my faith which was holding me to our marriage as well as commitment to my vows. I found out he was dealing with ladies of the night, sexting, pornography, im, Skype, chats any available technology out there to use for evil he knows it and he does it. He always calls me crazy or paranoid. I was punched on the stomach, he placed his hand on my throat dragged me from the bedroom to the bathroom and even whipped me with the belt at the back of my thighs. Very inhuman. My parents have never laid a hand on me or even called me names. Women out there who went through this say I. I left one time in 2012 but went back. Until that last physical and verbal abuse I can no longer take. A friend of mine took me in. I didn't have a house, unemployed and all my 401K as well as money was gone. But I always had faith that I will be better off without him. As smooth talker as he is he tried to use all the womanizer tactics guys use out there. Which I would say worked. I kept seeing him from time to time until I found out that he was seeing another woman that was the time I filed for divorce. Please bear in mind it took awhile for me to file and do this. I believe that what God joined together let no man separate. But God as Hid children wants us to be happy and not subject ourselves from any form of violence specially coming from our partners. I thought with us being separated it will give him time to think but, his real side came out more so now. He is in every dating site name it his name is on it. He would tell women that he is a hopeless romantic, will shower them with love and attention for he is the ONE. I told him when I found out about this you should have posted I beat my wife, I lie, I cheat on her, I play games to make her crazy and withhold finances. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing. He only loves himself if you don't give him what he wants and that is women he will throw a fit. Up until today he will ask me out and if I don't go out he will ask someone else. I wrote this blog to let women know that there are true men out there but take your time. The one I met came out as if he was my knight in shining armor. Be cautious and aware. Educate yourself regarding batterers more so about narcissists because one can easily fool. I married a ghost, a man I thought existed but never did. I suggest therapy or finding support who specializes in domestic abuse and narcissists. I went to one support group there was this lady who shared her story she was married for 25 years and I knew she has a good heart for she stayed that long until she decided to leave him for good. She came up to me and I can see her eyes in tears and asked me do you want to end up like me. I cried uncontrollably I wanted to hug her and console her to tell her she is a good woman. I know he will have many more victims to come. Yes they will fall into his charms. His goal he told me was to break me. Trust me he almost did. I would say it was divine intervention that saved me. Do I get mad? Sure I do. Do I sometimes wish him bad? Absolutely. But one thing I realized that it defeats the purpose of God for saving me by doing those things. Love you and know you. Tap into your talents. I know there are a lot of women out there just like me and went through this. I believe we have not explored all our talents and options. Being with my second husband what seemed like a dream was actually a nightmare. Never give up on yourself, if you fall dust yourself off and continue walking. For those who have no children with a batterer and narcissists it's best to shut down all contact. That is the biggest gift you can give yourself. Pray always. I leave you with one of the words from church in time "The heart of the just is firm trusting the Lord." Peace to all of you...You are all beautiful inside and out..