Rhizomes of Adventive Roots
_______A home for side-tracking________

I am quite good at it.

Side-tracking

And I need a home, a space to construct new hiking-trails and rooms.

Side-tracking shapes my life and the paths I take in it. I move forward through side-tracks. My sidetracks often end up on other tracks. Perhaps I have been on those tracks before but missed that crossing.

I feel something of need for a virtual place where I can side-track freely. A space where I can be my own interior designer. To have rooms where I pull furniture from different threads in the forums. Maybe I want to see them in the same room and look at the constellations. If I can’t do so I get frustrated and tired. My mind is disparate and I need to connect things sometimes and rest in some ways in those connections.

Perhaps I need a room where I have installed a random piece of furniture found in a thread or a small piece of ornament that I thought needed some extra attention. It deserves to be in my spotlight in its own space. A space where I can express myself as I want.

I am a social loner. I can be alone in my home. But I can enjoy the company of others as well. As long as they respect that I do not need more interior architects here.

I will most likely draw furnitures and ornaments from the Anti Social Disorder Forum. I thrive on difference rather than sameness. It took me a couple of weeks to look into the Bipolar Forum after I became a member. I had rejected my own diagnosis for four years. I still do. I am highly critical of expert authorities, which includes the elitist expert institutions that hold an authority to shape the social reality in which we live.

I work in such an institution myself . Knowledge production occurs in a political context and there are always stakes involved. I take a critical approach to knowledge production about our social reality, which gives me the opportunity to dismantle monopolization of objective truth at least to a small extent, a tiny one.

Truth is not what I seek. I do not believe in owning the truth. I am however entitled to my own interpretations of the reality that I live in from some type of perspective.

I do my best to stay self-reflexive but have my blind-spots and suffer from occasional hubris, yet, doubt is always there – to more or lesser degree.

I do not like to define myself – Definitions are often constructed already via “objective truths” constructed by experts. I reject any definitions of me that are presented and pushed on me by self-proclaimed experts. I do still take my medication like a good citizen though. Perhaps I can call this legitimate hypocrisy , as lacking a better word for it.

Bipolarity is not a truth but a construct , – a construct of similarities. But I did enjoy entering the bipolar space here the first time. “You know you are bipolar when…” . I was laughing the whole night and probably woke some neighbours up.

But that is a part of me, my behavior –functioning. It partly shapes me, perhaps structures my life – play role in my side-tracking and disparate life-style. I aids in communication with others that know what it means to experience certain things.
I get curious about similarities as well - particularly so when i notice them in unexpected places.

Sometimes I enter the AvPD forum. I know someone who avoids me but still do not want to let go. It is somewhat mysterious with minimalist interaction where it is difficult to set up a meeting at least once a year. But there is much in minimalism – also many questionmarks. Avoidance come in different shapes - I do avoid things as well.

I will probably explore the other forums as well. Slowly but surely. Curiosity leads the way.

_______Flight of thoughts________

Perhaps this is a form of processing thoughts impressions, stimuli that people diagnosed with bipolar disorder can relate to - to some extent. Maybe we process differently - but thoughts are fast, they fly quickly in many directions at once. Each offshoot creates opportunities for new branches. Sometimes there is some linearity. It is quite pleasant - less headaches , less frustrations but also more boring.

In their book A Thousand Plateus, Deleuze and Guattari epitomize non-linear thinking in their text. The text gives me a headache. I also recognize my mind in there somewhere. I do however try to take my responsibility in making myself understandable to some extent in social space – virtual as real. But in this place, where my readers are here by free will they may be responsible for their own possible headaches. My texts may come out as they do. What is clear to one, may be unclear to another.

My rhizomatic mind growing through adventive roots.

Rhizomatic but not binary

Adventive roots branch out in multiplicities and I run in all directions at the same time. Adventive roots emerge in random places somewhere along those long associative chains between concepts that perhaps at a first glance have nothing to do with one another. I hang in conceptual space. More often than not. A non-linear thinking that branches out in so many directions all at once.

When looking up at the surface it can be far away, when standing there on yet another adventive root branching out.

I want to catch it , capture it all, memorize it, save it. It can be hard to put in words. Sometimes I become optimistic about my ability to organize my mind neatly in folders full of texts of flying thoughts. There are many folders in my computer and they are all named “works in progress” or folders without names. My optimism usually do not last too long.

Sometimes my Rhizomes get overcooked. That is when it is high time to start binge-watching a new TV-serie with at least 5 seasons on the neck.

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