September 2025
August 2025
Activities;
Doing well concerning Music …
Music appears to be one of the main areas if not the main area of activity rehabilitation for my mental health problems… What does this mean; it means; This is my work. Thats what I do for work. I play the piano at different places; Thats the goal; right now; Im playing a few days a week. I would like another day somewhere… That would be 3 days a week.
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What has changed; what was the goal… How is this going…
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The goal.
1. Play live…
2. To play recognizable songs; meaning competency; Pop songs… To play them correctly to play them with some mature presentation and orchestration. Meaning; the songs use stultification with melody and chordal use. This means; work! I have to polish up my work; my presentation of the songs Im playing…
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3. Classical music;
The goal; several easy playing classical pieces; Usually representations of more sophisticated sonatas and preludes and fugues at a much easier level; or beginning level of piano performance.
The classical pieces Im playing are intermediate level pieces or intermediate presentations for the more beginning pianist. Meaning these Advanced pieces have been dumb’d down or simplified for the more beginner player to present play an enjoy; I using this more simplified version of these classical pieces…
What does this mean to me; It means; less time learning these pieces so I can play them live. However; This is my first time ever playing classical pieces in front of anyone. So; the easier for now; the better…
I have been fooling around with the piano for 2/3rds of my life; About 40 years on n off; I quite for all practical purposes for about 20 years… When severally mentally ill. In other times my playing was more about in audible mindless banging as I attempted to reach reality from a broken person inside of me…
Now; I have more hope…
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Today; Im interested in incorporating some classical pieces in my portfolio of songs for playing live… However; let me say; its all practice. Im learning for the first time how to play on the piano in the outside world, serving an audience at lunch with music…
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Ive never played a classical piece in front of anyone. Im not sure Ive ever even finished a classical piece of music before. Well; I did finish a Bach invention and record it once. Other then that… NO. Ive never been outside my room.
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So; Today; The goal is to be up for the challenge of practicing songs for the purpose of getting better at presenting a clear representation of those songs; meaning the chordal orchestrated melodic usage of song is clear sophisticated and precise for the listeners appreciation; IN practical terms; what does this mean; I means; a happy listener who reorganizes a song when its played. Nothing is better then a person who walks up and tells me. “ Hey; that last song; I remember that from my youth”. What is this person really saying; They are telling me; You played that song just like on the radio; The chords and melody were just right; a perfect representation; And after getting the representation right and the notes correct; Then; I can add some artistic coloring of choice to give it my personal appeal of the song. So; that is the goal; to have the song learned correctly; completely… And when this is accomplished; Then; I can add my own creative flare. Its about standards when servicing the public; What they expect…
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For classical music; What Im willing to do right now; Im willing to break a classical piece into phrases; Say; 20 measures of the main piece; theme and some variation… Im willing to a few notes for beginning and end and cut the actual pieces in 3rds for now and only present a smaller version of the piece… And Im fine with that. I don’t think Beethoven will be smashing through his grave to tell me to stop!
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Meaning; if the piece is 66 measure. Ill pic the first 20 measures and turn that into a song; a shorter vision of the piece; This way I can present it faster to the audience… Less time to practice it; Because; Because; Im only just starting. Im learning how to practice playing in front of others. So; no big gigantic monolithic musical structures; Instead; Ill just cut down classical pieces into manageable segments and play one of those. For example; Ive got a Sonata Im only using the first 14 measures of the 70 measure piece. Ill add a few notes at the beginning and a few at the end and call it a song; Also; Ill play it twice back to back to make it sound longer… Thats how Ill start… Ill start my classical piano career with a piece 14 measures long… Thats about 30 seconds to a minute; and ill replay again with a few middle notes added in; Thus making the piece longer; Thats how Ill start…
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JAZZ; I have a few pieces of interest; we will see; It will take allot of work…
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Christmas songs; need to learn a few of these.
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AGAIN:
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Playing the piano live appears to be a way of God getting me back out into society; and I can see it working as Im taking a real interest in doing this… I really wanted to find new venues to play at today around the city.
Right now; Im just kind of showing up at lunch places for the poor and playing piano; It works out great for me because no one expects anything; Im sitting kind of sitting in; However; I still have to do a comparable job…
I can see how God is helping me with all of this… This is one of the inroads to the outside world God is setting me up for!
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RELATIONSHIPS;
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Where am I in this subject of relationship!
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Ill start with this;
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My abilities around people are much advanced compared to the past… Im able to get much closer these days; Its not perfect; Im still dealing with dissociative disorder. So; Im still scared to get close to people.
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As for Women; Im doing quite a bit better then before. Much better; in some cases I would say Ive become kind of popular with some smaller groups of people; Women. Its all great. Wonder stuff. Im slowly allowing these people to get as close as I can and learn from them.
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Problems; Trying to create relationship possibilities with people over my head… over my knowledge bank my maturity level; People out of my league. Way out of my league. I have to remember; Im an old man… Elderly man age!
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So regardless I have to allow God to help me… And go from there… Gods will not mine….
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Trouble; Ive asked out women; However; it seems when its women I actually am really attracted to and could see myself in a relationship with; I chicken out; I do ask them out; but I never tell them; “ Hey your Cute; Give me your phone number” Instead I say; “ Ill call you; give me your phone number”; It has a kind of friendship ring to it and not “ Im boyfriend material” ring to it. Also; Im getting caught up in people playing me. These are people who act one way; but never commit… Im susceptible to getting caught up in this… They throw crumbs; I jump at the chance; soon; their crumbs I live for; and they have full control over my future and my emotions relation-ally; Im the guy; day dreaming about them and the possibilities of being with them because they glanced at me or walked near me; Ill suddenly count that as a move on their part that they really like me; and Ill fill my head all day long with that… and fill it up; And months will go by not realizing Ive gotten nowhere with them because nothing was ever established in the first place… And then I wake up and realize; They never committed to anything in the first place; I was just being played by someone who didn’t even know my name…
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So; Im starting out very lowly and must work with God and stay away from the cute popular people and the cheerleaders of the group; Im not in there leagues and they will let me know this the hard way; I will be punished by them if I get to close…
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NO; I have to work with God on staying in my own league; what ever that means; God will show me what that means.
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TODAy; I have to work for it… all of it; From working with God on planning the kind of women I want to me; to learning how to approach them; learning how to work within a group of people to approach them; learning to meet people who know people who know other people I can meet for the purpose of maybe starting a relationship.
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Well; I have to skills for this; enough at-least. For now!
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Im find with how everything is going.
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Im now learning Im not such a big shot with the ladies; Im just an unforeseen unknown regular guy; who doesn’t even know if anyone has ever noticed him…
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So; I start out at zero level and ask God where Im going; and where to start out.
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NOTE: Some women seem the type I can make out with; give attention to; but not for a long term relationship…
I require people with more education I think…
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What does that mean; it means one can find women who might want to make out; but that does not make a relationship; It just makes several women who want to make out while watching Netflix… or what ever.
NOTE; And let me say; Im assuming this; this has never happened yet; so Id have to actually go through it first. But I am starting to become aware of this kind of thing.
I can find women who want to make out; but even if I make out with 10 women at different times; does not mean I have anyone close to having a real relationship; long term relationship material with.
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And all of this Im thinking about; Ive not done any of it.
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So; Here I am starting from scratch for the first time.
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The closest I ever got to a relationship with at age 14; and I could only show up… I could do little more then that with this person; finally I gave up and left and never saw her again… She did not seem to care either way and I just kind of dropped out of dating anyone ever again… It seemed to me no one wanted me.
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Today; Im willing to work with God to meet the right people. And learn how to kind of go after what my goals of meeting the right people for relationships… This will take allot of work and scary work.. My God!
Frightening…
But Ill do it.
OK God; Whats next God; Amen.
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Im newbie green when it comes to women; I know almost nothing; only what Ive seen on TV; that is truly all I know about them… Amen
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