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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1006)
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- August 2019
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Resistance to Asian soulmate; to girlfriends; to women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Aug 24, 2018 2:10 am

My only interest in women is dating; I do not want a bunch of girls as friends unless Im already established the ability to date who I want to date!
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When I was 14; I was very popular in school; one of the reason; I had met the need cheerleader of the school; that summer; and loved her with all my heart! I have to stop writing as I write this because I loved her so much; she would have been my wife; if I had not turned on her! I mean; we would have developed together and I would have married her; she was my soulmate God brought me!
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Because I had an intimate relationship with her established; becoming popular with other; other women was easy!
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Now; Im looking to develop again with women; and with an Asian soulmate! However, their is resistance! I believe I have childhood resistance! I used to see Hawaiian beauties on tv as a kid and dream about them not really believing I could have one some day! Now; I feel the same ways; its only a dream! However, women like me! They find me interesting and intelligent; fascinating, alluring; charming!
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Resistance resides! So; that is where the work is! and Im tied to the outcome! meaning; Im attached to he outcome out of insecurity! And I have to leave that insecurity and feel good about myself if I dont manifest a specific manifestation! I cant worry about what I manifest!
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Im tied to the outcome out of low self esteem and worth problems! So; I have a low opinion of myself! So; This has to be broken! its not realistic! I have to come out of this dissociative state concerning women and come through it to reality and start dating again; Their is a block like steal holding me back! So; I have to keep at it! keep digging into it! Ill get their! its one of the last forms of dissociation thats not been touched by recovery!
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However, Ive gotten to the point that I can ask beautiful women for phone numbers and have conversations with them! So; Ive gotten that far; Im still intimidated by them; and this is a huge problem because they are up into my face; its to much for me; PTSD wise! Its to fast; they come at me physically to fast; I have dissociative disorder and shut down! What do I need; I simply need to get a phone number from a women I really think is hot and I want to date and call it; and want to really go out with her; sleep with her; have conversations with her; hang out with her!
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As I write about getting close to women; their is a horrible sense of restraint and resistance! Its coming from they earlier teenage years, and adolescence; starting at about 8 years old and working through 13 years old! or 14 years old! its merciless. These years have to be dealt with; writing about them; I start dissociating; its that maddening and strong! sucks! I have to keep working at this! brake through!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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