July 2025
June 2025
WHere am I now.
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After the universe unveiling how to move beyond old relationships where I was fooled by people who were never my friends; real monsters that set me up that Ive been crippled by for years; now what?
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Its only been about a day now since understanding what happened to me. Im understanding. Ill keep working with dialogging with the past relationship person on paper; Imagining Im talking to them and they are talking to me on paper. I play both parts. THey usually only answer with OK OMNICELL: Thats all I allow them to say. I say all the rest. and I pray first before we start. I imagine I call them and are invited over to their place and we sit on the couch and talk... and I dialog all this on paper and say everything I feel and I do. I work at this day after day several times a day until I hope to get to a point that it all comes out and a stopping point occurs; and I think that might be able to happen.
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Because of dialogging with one person; I end up putting down several names and dialogging with several names... saying the things Ive always wanted to say to them.
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It seems to be working.
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As for important relationships of the past; Im worked through them; The most important relationship that destroyed me; the universe revealed a way to break through it today. Basically its about moving on... I was listening to someone speak today on a spiritual subject; and they talked about moving on; moving forward with new relationships. ANd it hit me; THe universe spoke to me...
And I got this idea; WHat ever I was going to give to that original relationship; that person didnt want it or me; didnt like me; didnt want me around; didnt want my friendship; Wait a minute? Im a worthwhile guy; this is ridiculous; Ill pull up all my stuff; bring it back to me; pull back; walk back; turn and walk away and let the universe find someone else to give all these gifts to. someone that is worthy; I mean; this is unbelievable.
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The idea was or is; I have worth; lots of it; and the universe is rich within me. When I walk up to someone and take an interest and offer them the gifts the universe has given me; if they dont want them; stop in my tracks; wipe my feet at the door; and back up and move on. THe universe has got the right people waiting for me to appreciate what I have to offer. THe universe has a spiritual person in mind that will appreciate things; dont waist my time on anyone else ever. THe universe can take my original idea of giving it to someone; and find the right SOMEONE!
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NOTE: ITs like I always found monsters from Hell! THose were the only people I found to give anything to; sycophants... psychopaths! THis is not unusual considering I was trauma bonded to psychopaths my whole life; My mother and father... and others in that sick family system. Sick is not the word. So; why would it be strange to find wierdo's and then feel normal around them or befriending them and wanting to hang out with them and spend time with them; and then what always happens? I want to change the weirdo and help them. I found out the Hardaway; their was nothing wrong with them. They were sinister evil cold as steal; pure monsters... theirs nothing wrong with them... A life prison sentence should be their future...
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When young I was innocent and scum bags want to take advantage of innocent people; Monsters with no concious; and they like doing it; they get off on it just like a serial killer likes to shoot people; its the same thing.
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If I lift up a water meter panal on the flat ground; something picked up and one can look down into the hole with pipes and such... and a rattle snake begins to show its aggression; Do I join it; No! I put the lid back on the under ground water meter and go away... maybe Ill report it. but I dont feel like I lost a friend; I only spend a second with a rattlesnake; no more. So I miss the rattlesnake?; no! never... When I meet the rattle snake; its at the door. I never put my hand in... or I will get bit.
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So; if I meet someone that is the equal of a rattlesnake; do I join them and say " Im going to help them become the human being I want them to be come" NO! I close their door and run away and never come back; do i think about them ever again; NO! Do I fantasies about helping them; NO! changing them; NO! I back way and never return. Why would I need to; Im a child of GOd and I have a working relationship with the universe GOd higher power; and that God is with me all the time; The gifts God gives me are for those who appreciate and are looking for gifts from GOd. They are for no one else.
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When I open a door and I meet someone that is a rattlesnake; do they value me; No; rattlesnakes dont value anything; they are mindless. Do I join the rattle snake and try to befriend it and pacify it? No!@ WHy? No matter what I do; its a rattlesnake and it will bite; It will always bite; it has no memory; it has no conscious; nothing. What if I pacify it and become its friend? Sooner or later it will turn on me and bite. Rattle snakes if pacified are 2 FACED! Soon; they will Bite...
What happens if it bites; whats its purpose; Its purpose is to cause great damage or death; that is its only purpose.
Who mates with a rattle snake; Another rattle snake; that is all! Case closed!\
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NOTE: Let my guidance system hooked up to the universe find the right people for me and support. I must be at a higher frequency tho to be with people of value enough to appreciate the gifts GOd is installing within me to give to others.
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Im starting to get myself back! I may have all ready found myself but Im not used to operating being myself.
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When I say MYSELF; I mean; when I was young living on C street; thats when I would call myself basically happy and normal. Was I?; relative to everything else; yes; but I can look back at the beginning of massive problems. So! I remember when really young; I befriended some people that looked the part; but on the inside they were snakes; but I wont know what that means until much later. So; ive all ready got problems from the beginning.
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However, Im seeing the original me again.
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I had 2 primary friends of importance; both very similar when young; both rattle snakes I never knew about; In both cases I was set up and used. In both cases I was alone and vulnerable. Any predator would think about using me and getting away with it and they did.
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In both cases I thought of both people as best friends. In reality they were both predators who did not need friends. I was being used; that was their interest... I was destroyed on both accounts.
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At some point I'm discarded by both. I remember red flags at a the beginning of meeting either. BUt that did not mean anything to me. I was fiercely loyal; to bad. All it did was build a deeper coffin...
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AM I READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP? NO! Im just barely used to being some what free from those monsters of the past. One of those; Ive been free of for a good while now. ANd I slowly get even stronger against them... THus getting more n more of my sanity back. For the other; Ive been working on relieving ways for about a few months now; things that are stronger then before; looking for results; all coming from the universe; and its been working; However, Today blew the cork off the top of the relational bottle and things may have just gotten solved... In fact they probably did; now I need time; now that Im in my right mind; I need time to get used to it... And then go from there...
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Ill still write dialog writings on paper with this person as subject.
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Im not used to relational normal; I dont feel safe; Ill have to work with God on all this stuff...
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