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- July 2021
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What car to buy
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Economic and sexual abuse when a child.
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moving forward in through the past. Learning how to express
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The hard work of things.
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Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Mar 23, 2016 5:45 pm

PTSD; Getting hit with major violent rages! No one around! New thoughts are hitting old thoughts of in trapped abuse!

When I was 16; My mother was driving the car! I was heading toward a girls house I loved! I made the mistake of telling her this! She went into a psychopathic verbal attack! Telling me I was nothing, and the girl I meant nothing to the girl! I was nothing! My mother knew nothing about me and this girl; are personal relationship! My mother thought she could abuse me at will! Say anything she wanted to me!

If you don't understand the seriousness of this! I do not think I can explain it to you! This was an attack from a psychopath! It's not the same from an abusive human! All I can say is; I left town and never returned! I lost the girl; I never got around any of it ever again!

This situation told me completely that this women " my mother" was a psychopath! And that she was not else! She was not human! And I was not wanted! I did not have a mother on my side! What ever this evil scum is; their was no mother present! This was an animal, like a wolf or shark! Mindless predator; nothing more!

It meant I had no home and no one cared! Thats what it meant! And I had no future!

Later I would try to move into my best friends house back home! However, they had forgotten all about me! I did not exist anymore! And they resented me and resented me for bugging their life, one more time! I did not live by them anymore! I had been gone for 7 years! And they wanted nothing to do with me! It was a fair weathered friendship of convenience and nothing else! I did not know this! In fact; many things I did not know about!

Im 53 years old, and Im starting to come out of the traumas of this earlier age; for the first time!

Im getting hit with my mother abandoning me and causing my life to be destroyed and derailed! Im now beginning to creep into it!

Ive been getting my memories back of childhood; and the first question that is being asked within me is; " what happened to my life, and who did this to me"! " why is my life derailed, what happened"!

When you're a child under the control of a psychopath; your finished! Its that simple!

All I have are memories!

Whats interesting is the glueing effect that is going on! Im starting to glue back together from my childhood to now! And part of me wants the past cleared up, so I can reconnect with self!

Im showing signs of improvement! In my meetings Im starting to act like someone in rehabilitation and not a freaked out surviver of symptoms!!

Im able to sit at the tables be like everyone else! Someone that needs help to re establish myself in society! Before this; I was not part of anything! I was a space cadet on the outside of life!

The processing that is occurring does not include the old people from my past! They are slowly gone ! And I am learning to work through them and other things without them and come back to life! If I can pull this off; it's a major victory! I get my memories back, I get my goals and dreams back! And I don't have to be handicapped by the people who abused me!

One major control the psychopath has over small children or in general or their victims; they render their victims helpless! The victim learns; if the victim is not under the care of the perpetrator; the victim is convinced they will die! And such it was for me; not anymore!

Im learning to process out the past!

The key is; regardless of what they have done; don't go back! No matter what they have stolen; don't go back! Don't go back! Turn to God! Make the complaint to God! Don't go back!

I work with God to start a new life somewhere else! The first life I had was doomed! It was doomed from the start! I did not know this! Im mad that I did not know this! Thats what really hurts! I was expiated into believing everything was OK! This was done so I would not question the actions of the sociopaths and psychopaths I was forced to live with!

Sociopaths and psychopaths are murder's and thieves and extortionists and rapists and liar! Im so sorry! You want get out of it with much left accept the shirt on your back! Matters not what you were promised! All things are lies associated with psychopaths and sociopaths and their relative families! The only thing you can do is run; get away from them for ever and start over somewhere else! If you continue to go back to them; they will swindle and work around you and take everything you got! The only solution is to never associate with them ever again; forgive the dept. and get out!

PTSD; Im now dealing with deeper more pointed levels of pain and rage from the direction attacks that caused my life to derail! As a boy, I was derailed from my life! Psychopaths do not care! And they do not care if they ever see you again or your future or past or present or anything else about you!

I had massive dreams and hopes for the future; and they were ripped apart and ripped away from me! Now I am working to get them back! And get me back in one piece!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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