June 2025
May 2025
Do I need to post this; I dont know; I guess so; Ill pray about it; its more of the same but its important for me to keep expressing myself and my opinion. Im attempting to get stronger. Im trying to take my life get; get my mind back... Stop believing false nonsense about bad people. So; its more of the same... It will take awhile for my mind to come back; thats what Im working on now!
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First;
The universe continues to reveal to me the truth; or insights of my situation.
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FIRST LOVE: I use the terms; FIRST LOVE loosely now. No real true love exists; It was nothing more then a criminal; a thief; a real serous dangerous level sociopath criminal conning people. Nothing existed here... I wasnt just played by someone; it was much worse then that; it was more criminal; I was set up by a criminal. I would have never met a criminal like this on my own. I was used and played by because thats what criminals do; they are offender personality types; they lead people on; they are master manipulators to get something from somebody. Thiefs con men types.
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NOTE: People like this are Immoral; Immoral describes a person or behavior that conscientiously goes against accepted morals—that is, the proper ideas and beliefs about how to behave in a way that is considered right and good by the majority of people. Immoral connotes the intent of evilness or wrongdoing, and it is a true antonym of moral. Extremely dangerous. Serial killers are immoral.. In addition to having no conscious or more psychopathy based; they are immoral. Its Ok for them to buy bubble gum down the street; or to murder a 5 year old; they see no difference during the day; Neither seems out of placement for everyday spontaneous thrills.
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NOTE: A question might arise; What am I doing around an immoral person like this in the first place. THey are completely dangerous to the human being; So; something is wrong with me if Im associating with them; something very sick and wrong. In my case; it was a combination of desperation and severe damage from trauma with no help; prolonged trauma. Also; My attraction to the person was; This person represented my psychopathic mother who I was going to save and have a relationship with.. I will bring life back to normal; And By doing so; I will have saved myself. The problem is; What I didnt know; I was dealing with a murder'r just like my mother; they are not normal human beings; their is no one to be saved or that needs to be saved; they are completely inept social monsters that need to be dealt with by those carrying weapons and a badge and nothing else. These type of offenders need to be pulled of the streets so they dont cause anymore damage and put in a cage for the remainder of their lives. I have no business around this kind of offender. ITs extremely dangerous; they are moraless; They will try anything any avenue inward; break any established rules to destroy another human being for the fun of it.
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Here is an example of the type of situation I was in... This is an example of the type of personality I was dealing with concerning first love; later I will explain more of what I think all of this is stemming from... why I found myself involved with this kind of person.
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Ill imagine Im dealing with a car thief; I befriend a car thief and I dont know it; The car thief is friendly... the car thief is charming and the car thief is nice and appears decent rational human being; And so; I feel safe; I mean; they are just like I am...
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Later; after spending months of time with them; I find my car is gone. I have no idea what happens; I get a call from the jailer who tells me My car was stolen; I end up at the jail and my friend is in jail; And I ask him what happened and he tells me he stole my car; and I ask him why? And says; " because Im a car thief"
So I ask him; what about our friendship and all the time we spent together; He says " I was just connon you; I was only interested in getting your car". And I tell him That not nice to fool someone like that; he replies; " I dont care; Im a car thief; I was trying to set you up to get your car". So I tell him; that is dishonest; I thought you were an honest person; He replies; " Why would you think Im an honest person; Im a car thief". So I tell him; I had no idea you were a car thief; I thought you were an honest person; He replies; " I know; getting your trust is how I got your car". And I tell him; I felt a kind of loyalty to our friendship". So he replies; " We don't have a friendship; Your not my friend; your the victim; I stole your car. I purposely build your loyalty to keep your mind off my real motive; stealing your car" So I asked him; What kind of relationship did we have I mean; I thought you were my friend or had potential; I thought we could help each other; So he says; " There is nothing wrong with me; I dont need your help; you were a mark; to steal your car; I lied; Im a con artist a fraud specialized at creating a fake identity with the victim to get their car.. Im a criminal; I steal cars its not personal; I do this all the time; you were the victim of a crime nothing more" " Your not a friend of mine; I fooled you into trusting me so I could get your car; I staked out your house and with an accomplice we watched you and your house; you were a good bet to turn into a victim to get your car; So I waited until the time was right; I approached you; lied about everything of who I am; and it got me in the door; You believed every word; so I continued to play act this role to get your car... It was all a scam to get your car; Im a habitual criminal; this is what I do to make a living"" its not personal" I have several people Im playing during the week to get something off of" to get cars". THE END...
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The sociopath I befriended; I called a first love; was someone playing me with identity fraud. Sociopaths/psychopaths have no concious... its all fun n games for them.. its a thrill for them; they have no remorse; nothing; they are not human beings... Nothing.. They are murder'rs and they will murder a person out of their life in anyway they can get away with it. Any form of life or value presented to them; they will murder torture and kill...
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So anytime I spend with a psychopath; I do so at my own risk. psychopaths are dangerous; They are not my friends or safe to be around... Nothing can exist with a criminal based psychopath or sociopath... I was being taken every second; fooled played; conned frauded; that is their motive from the beginning; they dont have friends.. They are immoral and will attempt any kind of con or scam at anytime; they are like vampires who sense free blood; that is their only interest... They want to rape the blood out of the victim; discard the victim; then leave.
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Nothing existed between me and this psychopath... I was being lied to the whole time from the beginning of my experience around this monster... Nothing existed; nothing; no first love; no friendship; nothing; I was being frauded by a criminal. I didnt know; no one knows... Im not the first victim of such situations... its unfortunate... its sickening.
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How and why did this happen;
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I was a throw away; I had no one; nothing; so needed someone anyone to be around; unfortunately the doors were open at different places; but not by nice people; by con artists who play people. They will play people as long as they think they can get away with it... Without someone their; I was all alone... completely alone... out of desperation I didn't want to be alone. Unfortunately the world is full of monsters and preditors and scam artists looking and waiting for people just like me to take advantage of; and I walked into several... and I was played by them.. I didnt even know it... They are filth; con artists. Criminal types setting people up... or sociopaths stalking people or lying to people; conning them setting them up... I can see the same thing on the crime channels of youtube; criminals; nothing new.
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This girl; This first love; same thing; a con sociopath taking advantage of people to get something... I was just looking for a friend. Unfortunately; thats exactly the kind of person they are looking to scam. And thats all it was. The psychopath does not have friends... They perpetrate victims; Thats all it is...
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So; that means I end up with a history of being completely alone. I was just scammed. Thats all it was...
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So; This scam artist was not the only one caused problems in my life; it had happened before by other perpetrators; master manipulators; pathological liars. I was a lonely person with no hope; desperate and those are the kinds of people I attracted.
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These perpetrators are looking for someone broken to con; they groom a person and then set them up and then rob them or use them.. And then run off with their goods... Thats all that happened here; its happened a few times by a few criminal types. I got scammed or taken.
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Im now coming out of it more n more concerning this con artist who faked my friendship... They are habitual criminal type sociopaths narcissist psychopaths with no conscious. So; its hard; I was conned going in... I never even knew.
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I can see the pattern. When I was young and thrown away or a latchkey kid; I found myself knocking on the doors of these perpetrators because I was so alone and desperate and lonely but more alone; sure they opened their doors to me; it was for no good... I will be getting scammed by these frauds... it happened more then once and those are really the only people I found where their doors were open... They play act anything I want to hear to get my trust in the first few moments; later Im pulled into their scam.. they are setting me up to take a fall...
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Im actually doing very well right now because Im able to face the truth more n more and start over... This is still not easy; its mental breakdown city..
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I realized I never had any real friends. I was alone all of my life... I was scammed several times; thats it... there were no real friends.
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So; now I take all of this to God to sort out.
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I just wanted to be safe... thats all I wanted and I found myself being fooled by criminals...
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Now; I take all of this to God and ask God how I start over and where. I am getting stronger...
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MUSIC;
Im having a problem with equipment. Im working with God on what equipment to invest in. Do I buy one keyboard or several smaller ones. Ill work with God on all this... I dont know... I have to keep getting on my knees about this one; Because the goal is to create music and leave the rest of it alone.. How can I do this. I have a small apartment; and I dont want it crowded out with equipment. So... And other reasons. Ill get on my knees and work with God on this... Im suppose to be in love with the music; not the equipment... its the music creation process I want to be involved in. I also like the equipment just as much; but a harness will have to be put on my lust for gear; it truly wont do me any good here; my apartment is to small for that kind of thing; its not realistic. Ill talk to God about it.
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Ive got old keyboards; but I dont know; should I get a new one and put the other ones in the closet.
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Creeps from up the street or anyone else I remember who was posing as a regular nice person but was actually an immoral sociopath wanting to cause harm; anyone who tried to fool me or con me or fraud me;
My goal now is to fight; see myself physically fighting this person in my imagination; any way I can to get them away from me.. To fight and box them and any other way I can to get them out of my memory bank.. When thoughts come up of them getting to physically close; I fight them off; any way I can that they are chased off.. Or beat'n out of the picture... to a point that they are finally beaten up and thrown out because Im winning the war here; get rid of them one fighting moment after the other. Everytime I see a picture of this person come up; I start fighting.. I start fighting them off; I attack relentlessly getting them away from me.. And I will continue to until the false front that was presented to me from them has no more brainwashing effect upon me; upon my mind.
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