September 2025
August 2025
I keep reporting on this. Everyday a strong change occurs from the universe. More today as Im more disconnected from the first love I had. THe situation looks more like this person was a stranger and Im becoming myself again. Im regaining myself; Im getting it back; it seems my "self" "my identity"" my soul" is transferring from her back to me... Im getting me back; its been happing all day long; and a little before... Its my soul; my self; my identity. My thoughts; my focus; they are mine again... They are wandering back to me now; LIke wounded soldiers after a war coming home to there homes again...
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Im starting to feel the beginnings; the very beginnings of owning myself again. And with it; I recognizing Just how alone I was when I was a teenager; I Was completely alone; no support; nothing.
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A vampire like this sociopath( THis First Love) could easily have ripped my soul and mind apart( THey did much worse; I was murdered); I had no defense they were murder'rs and because I was completely alone in the world... I Was destroyed. Today; the universe for a very long time; has been slowly repairing me with the help from the cosmos and now; As I come back to myself in a state of relief; like giving myself a big hug of security...I feel better. Im feeling connected to myself. Im getting the power to connect myself back; its not in the hands of the bad people. I have conquered them; they have been defeated.
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I see those bad people who hurt me; These bad people?; its like looking at a crime channel on youtube; Its like Im part of the show; One I dont want to visit. When I watch that crime channel; I get triggered; Im back in the bad days; I remember when it was like being taken hostage; it feels like it was inside me holding me hostage... I see those bad people who hurt me... Me getting hurt by people that are bad... I now see changes for the good and my interest and fear of those past bad people; Im slowly losing interest in them; Im heading toward a new life. And they are dying away from my memories... much like an old TV show.
But what is so excellent? Thos very most important past people and situations; tHey are also dying away and leaving. Nothing is remaining of the past; meaning the bad people. They are losing ground and power; all of it. Im winning here. I have already won. Im slowly coming back to reality where they dont exist.
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So; With slowly getting myself back and God separating myself from those monstrous people; I see myself coming back to home or family living or the community... Snowy Christmas Pine trees and Christmas specials on TV... My own... if I want to build such things and create it; i can create it for myself. I start to rise to that vibration level and thus; those things at that feeling level start to surround me... The life work; and it might take a life time; is to learn how to hang on with support while I study success on how to rise to that vibration level of what I want to manifest. I manifest what vibration level Im at.
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Im not by any means myself yet; nor do I have the strength to be. Nor are bad people from my past still not haunting my thought choices; but with GOds help; the universe; Ive passed through the test slowly coasting downhill from the top mountain hill I had to climb; just slowly easing back into town life and what a normal person wants in a town; a house or family life or normal life like everyone else. That is the fantasy at this point. but its more then a fantasy... Im not connected to that bad past anymore; I have no interest.. they dont own me anymore! Im not out of this yet!!!!! But Im on my way; thats the way it looks. And most importantly; Im over the half way mark; Im at 51%; So I made it over the top of the hill. A hill that took me years to climb not knowing what would happen; would I make it or fall back down the mountain again.
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Its began..
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Now; working with God moving on to new relationships. What does that mean? It means Im over 50% beyond the old ones; Ive legally moved on. I mean; the universe had done what it said it would do; it moved me forward beyond where I was at beyond the old... and now Im at a new location spiritually; a bran new location; like Ive been moved on... Im at a new location; a whole new story can began...
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Ill still be working on this old stuff; using techniques to uncover what these past sociopaths did to me; how they set me up and destroyed me. Ill look into who these monsters really were; uncovering more n more as I work with the universe... However, now; I have to work with meditation and God to start moving forward with new emotionally based goals. Its still a big jump to go from all these past incident to moving forward with my life. Its not easy; I want to puke...
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All I can say is; Im lucky Im here; at this new spot; Im hazy; my mind is still all over the place; but my body is safely in this new spot; Im back on old safe ground again. Im no longer thrown in the well; dying at the bottom of the well. Im not in the well anymore; I can look back over my shoulder and see the well behind me. Im safely standing on the grass on solid ground again where I started long before I was ever thrown in the well.
that I even get a chance to move forward; be able to be whole or sane enough to move forward into the new; But Im not strong enough. Im lucky to be where Im at in my mental health spiritual condition. Im still mentally ill but at a much better safer place... its incredible.
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NOTE: My life is still very agoraphobic... So; I mean; I have massive amounts of basic work to do.
Im still messed up from mental illness but my relationship with God is so workable and learning to manifest what I want is a possibility to work on; I feel if I continue Ill have the will and interest to actually care again about living my life; that's the unbelievable part. thats the miracle.
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And I still have to do more work on other personalities from the past. My First Love the major issue out of numerous personalities from the past to deal with; Ill still be working with my memories of her until they naturally drop off as I get a new life going. Cant wait...
Ive still got much more work on Her and others.
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MY FIRST LOVE: WHERE AM I
So; my first love had turned into nothing but a low life stealth like cold braided cobra who operates at a very low life level of opportunistic; a mindless snake that sets people up; uses people has objects to get what they want.. When they think they can get something better from another opportunity; the dump the person there with and go after the other opportunity; and they turn and spit on the other person they used and dumped and they move on never to be heard of again... They burn the bridge behind them... making it clear the last person meant nothing to them because they are no with a better opportunity. Its all low life in the dark evil; its pure evil. And my FIRST LOVE is looking no more or less then this scum bag level of humanity. And I mean; at no other level. So; it wont be hard when im ready to dump this person from my inner being and imagination. I would have discovered this person has no redeeming qualities of any kind for a decent person to take an interest in. So; as I regain myself; I will not want to remember who this was; In fact; God will slowly disolve my memories of her away and I will do the same; in fact; its been happening now for months... She is slowly turning into vapor within my mind and soul..
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She is not gone yet? And may never completely be gone ever; I may be working on her for the rest of my life; And I shall do so with great gratitude to be this far along in my understanding of my past; an understanding that has freed me and continues, with Gods help; to free me more n more... So; I have no issues re visiting this girl in my imagination over n over n over sifting through old information looking for clues of who I was really dealing with... and looking and learning from my old motives that got me around her in the first place.
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Many things are changing for the good!
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Ill state something else; its strange; Ive never felt alone at points in my recovery. Even tho can spend 2 3ds my life alone; but I never really feel alone. Im not sure if thats dissociative disorder or hope or God... Im not sure... is it recovery; a blessing or a curse...
Ive always felt like Im fighting for and fulfilling my destiny to get better.
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